Aliens built the Great Pyramids. That’s as irrefutable as global warming. . . at least according to this guy on TV the other night. What’s more, as TV Man's logical tour de force unfolded, it suddenly dawned on me. . . ancient astronauts built my house! Seriously! Let's follow TV Man's logic, and you too will see the truth.According to TV man, no one saw the pyramids being built. And he’s right. We don’t have a single photo of anyone building the pyramids. Sure, we have some hieroglyphs, but those are vague and subject to interpretation. It’s best to ignore them.
Now consider this: the same thing is true for my house. I never saw the house being built, my neighbors never saw the house being built, and 1940's Man left no photos of how he supposedly did it. Ergo, we must conclude that, at the least, we have a mystery, and that aliens could be at the heart of it.
Further, the pyramids were made of materials that TV man assures us the ancient Egyptians knew nothing about. The same is true of my house. Indeed, my house is made of many materials that I do not understand. And if I don’t understand them, there is no way that the vastly more primitive 1940's Man could have understood them. . . unless he had help! Voila!
Now I’m sure that “experts” will tell you that 1940's Man had the ability to make such materials -- just like “Egyptologists” will tell you that ancient Egyptians could have made the pyramid materials, but, as TV explained, those experts earn their living by selling their theories. If they admitted the truth, they could no longer sell their books or teach their courses. So obviously, they are lying, and we should dismiss these self-proclaimed experts.
So ask yourself, if 1940's Man could not make the materials in my house, where did he get them? There can be only one answer -- aliens. It’s only logical.
Incredible, right? Just wait, there's more. . .
Many of the materials in my house are not indigenous to this area, just as the large stones used to build the pyramids were not indigenous to that area. I see no aluminum mine around here, and certainly no plywood trees. I’ve never seen a brick lying around anywhere in nature. So am I supposed to believe that 1940's Man shipped these materials to this area just to build a house? Ridiculous! Why would he do such a thing? How could he do such a thing? There wasn’t even a highway system before the 1950s!
And that's not even the best part. My house, like the pyramids, aligns almost perfectly East West North South. Why would humans do this? I can’t think of a reason, and neither could TV Man, unless it was to please the aliens. And even if such a reason could be found, how could they do it? You would need to hover above the house to achieve this and we all know that 1940's Man could not fly.
Also, just as TV Man found with the pyramids, if you count the number of houses on my block, you will find that the number of houses equals the number of planets in the solar system, at least until they demoted Pluto, and if you don’t count all the little planets at the end. . . and if you don’t count the two houses on the end of the street. But otherwise, it fits perfectly.
Finally, there is one last piece of evidence, a coup de gras. Just as ancient Egyptians drew images that kind of looked like aliens, 1940's Man too drew images of aliens. . . and they were wearing tool belts.There you go, irrefutable proof. Creeeeeeeepy.
Andrew does this mean I make my mortgage payment to some kind of a Galactic bank, and the CRA was an alien experiment gone terribly wrong? I always thought that smile of Jimmy Carter’s was kinda creepy and by extension all democrats are probably aliens to, wow, I follow your logic -- hmmm… : )
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like the kind of "science" you find on the SyFy channel. Was Al Gore the narrator?
ReplyDeleteYou know, I consider myself a sci-fi geek but the whole "ancient astronauts from another planet built the pyramids" story is one I am simply not a fan of. I won't say I'm offended by it but to quote Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry:
ReplyDelete"No, ancient astronauts did not build the pyramids – human beings built them because they're clever and they work hard."
Besides, the house I live in definitely isn't aligned properly! My parents had new windows installed about ten years ago and I remember the guy complaining that the window was straight but the house was crooked! :-)
On the subject of extra-terrestrials, Enrico Fermi, physicist most noted for his work on the development of the first nuclear reactor and whom FermiLab near Chicago is named after, is to have asked, if they exist then "where are the tourists?"
ReplyDeleteStan, Yes, all mortgage companies are run by aliens. Jimmy Carter too was an alien. He was from Wympfool 7.
ReplyDeleteWriter X, Actually, it was on the History Channel. I don't know who put this silly thing together, but it was based on "Chariots of the Gods", and the "logic" was exactly as I outlined above. I'm all for questioning "established facts" and I have no reason to doubt that there is more life in the universe, but this sort of thing is a disservice to people because it promotes false logic and innuendo as science.
ScottDS, You must be part of the "establishment" that's trying to suppress the truth!
ReplyDeleteActually, I like all kinds of SciFi, and I have no problems with any kinds of plots -- different worlds, different timelines, alternative histories, conspiracies. . . it's all entertaining. I even find the sillier theories about aliens, Atlantis, Big Foot, etc. entertaining.
But I do have a problem when they start selling fantasy as science.
The logic this guy was using (which is just like I went through above) is false logic. It intentionally dismisses all facts that contradict the theory and even then jumps to a conclusion that what's left has no other explanation than aliens. The same logic can be used to prove that the cookie monster built the Earth.
USArtguy, they are among us. . . probing cattle.
ReplyDeleteAndrew - Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan too, especially of alternate timelines, parallel universes, etc. It's just this one particular idea that doesn't appeal to me as much as the others. :-)
ReplyDeleteScott, I just take it as fantasy, though I agree that there is a certain nastiness to that particular line of thought -- the idea that somehow the great achievements of mankind were given to us by aliens.
ReplyDeleteIt kind of speaks to a rather schadenfreude type mindset: "I couldn't have done it, so I want to believe that you didn't really do it either."
Okay, true story - Years ago, I was working at someone's mid-town Manhattan loft doing some art stuff. When we came to work one morning, our "boss" was all a flutter because his friend (we will call him Bob) had been abducted by aliens the night before. Bob knew this because he had awoken in another room and had a bruise on his shin. I am not kidding, they both were convinced that aliens had abducted Bob from a Mid-town Manhattan loft and had done some secret experiments on him without being detected. Those sneaky little green men. Being the practical sort, I brought up the possibility of "sleep walking" as a cause. Nope, it was alien abduction and nothing could convince them otherwise.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong. I think it is an awful lot of wasted space if there are not other inhabited worlds, but why are there people who assume our ancient ancestors were so stupid that they could not figure out how to build the pyramids. I mean really what else did they have to do? They didn't have the internet or t.v. to waste their time. Oh, yeah, I see their point now. Maybe it was aliens after all...
i have been out of pocket, but so happy to see some things didn't change while i was gone.
ReplyDeleteAndrew: You are so blind. If there aren't aliens among us even today, how do you explain Congress? Ancient astronauts not only designed the pyramids, but they left behind the plans for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and passed them on to one of their descendants--Barney Frank. The wiring in my place is even further proof. No human being could ever have designed electrical wiring so intricate and complicated that our best experts are unable to figure it out. Ring my doorbell, and the microwave starts cooking on high. SciFi indeed. It's fact. And if you don't believe it, you haven't seen Men in Black. So there!
ReplyDeletePatti, some things never change. . . :-)
ReplyDeleteLawhawk, I would have believed you if you said Waxman, he's clearly an alien, but not Frank. Besides, a species of creatures like our Congress could never build a spaceship that would ever get off the ground.
Andrew: You miss the point. Waxman is merely a freak of nature (or a vampire, I'm not sure which). The aliens make sure they don't look like aliens, or we'd know they were aliens. You're not following the script properly.
ReplyDelete