● Headline 1: Michelle Obama posts ‘selfie’ with Bo. A selfie huh? I haven’t found it. She’s got clothes on in all the images I’ve found.
● Headline 2: No hugs for Kerry in South America. Clearly, Kerry is traveling with the wrong Secret Service Agents.
● Headline 3: Edward Snowden is a patriot. I thought he joined the Bears?
● Headline 4: Reid cites race amid GOP opposition. This one had me puzzled at first. My first thought was that he said: “I know the GOP opposes me, but by gummit, I’m white.” That didn’t make sense though. Then I thought that maybe he said, “You only disagree with me because I’m white.” That works better, but still didn’t seem to warrant a headline. Then it hit me. I know what he said. Did you ever see The Kentucky Fried Movie? Specifically, did you see the daredevil skit? This must be what Reid did.... Warning: Link is NSFW, Racist Language. Now it makes sense. Is Reid a jerk, or what? On the plus side, it is kind of funny to think of Boehner and McConnell and the rest of the Republican caucus chasing Reid down the hallway afterwards.
● Headline 5: U.N. ‘has lost its way’. Really? You mean the U.N. no longer engages in its historic mission of enriching dictators and putting out hateful resolutions against Israel? Is nothing sacred?
● Headline 6: Obama’s NSA plan brings skepticism. At least that’s what people were saying in their private messages.
● Headline 7: King defends immigration remarks. Speaking of racists, Steven King (R-Iowa) keeps trying to defend his comments about those dirty Mexicans. He now says his statement was “misconstrued,” when people objected to his statement that:
“For every [stinking child of an illegal] who’s a valedictorian, there’s another 100 out there that weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they’re hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.”I’m not sure which part could have been misconstrued. Perhaps he meant “watermelons”?
● Headline 8: McConnell demands unity on fiscal issues. “Can’t we all just get a loan?” Nyuk, nyuk.
● Headline 9: Obama clown draws criticism. Ok, this one actually enlightened me a bit. The story involves a rodeo clown who wore an Obama mask and that’s apparently a no-no for some reason. Anyways, my first thought upon seeing the headline was “Biden?” Then I had an epiphony: the VP is the political version of a rodeo clown. Biden suddenly makes sense... and my will to live fell 3%.
● Headline 10: Cuccinelli slams McAuliffe at forum. Tonight only! Tonight only! Bring the kids to the forum!! See a smackdown for the ages! Body blows aplenty. Tonight only! Bring the kids!! And it’s lady’s night. Wear a wet t-shirt get a second vote! At the Forum!!
● Headline 11: Obama: ACA repeal a GOP ‘fixation’. Well, yes it is a fixation, we’re tying to fix the mess you created. Go play with your clown.
BTW, You can make the picture bigger by clicking on it. Doesn't Kerry's hug seem a little too... uh... not right?
ReplyDeleteClearly, Kerry is comforting a downtrodden victim of racism. Or baby-mama drama. What? At least I didn't say "watermelon."
ReplyDeleteI can understand how the U.N. might have lost it's way. I understand New York can be confusing for tourists.
In all fairness, you'd have a hard time convincing anyone that "ACA Repeal" is a new variety of choom.
The issue with the rodeo clown is that it is forbidden to depict the Prophet.
tryanmax, LOL! "baby-mama drama!" Nice! :)
ReplyDeleteSo you're saying the UN is actually lost-lost. They should have used Google Maps.
Ah... that makes sense. No depiction of the Prophet! Even at rodeos. Now it's all clear!
Andrew....Headline 1: Please tell me you weren't looking for "Carlos Danger" style Michelle pics?!
ReplyDeleteHeadline 2: Kerry reminds me of the guy who always wants to "bro hug" people to show he's still down for the struggle.
Headline 3: Snowden actually was drafted by the Washington R-Words. Don't you keep up with OSPN? (Obama Sycophants Projecting Network)
Headline 4: Reid is more like the guy who pe's and then goes in front of the camera's to claim "That's never happened before.....and if it has, it's those women-hating Republicans fault!"
Headline 5: That's because they didn't find a leader with a cool sounding name - Trygve Lie; U Thant; Dag_Hammarskjöld; Boutros Boutros Ghali.
Headline 6: I, for one, welcome our NSA oversight
Headline 7: Alternate headline - "Queen defends bohemian rhubarb lyrics"
Headline 8: Weiner demands physical unity with tweeters
Headline 9: Perfect - "Obama-clown draws criticism"
Headline 10: "Pliny the Elder slams his nephew at the forum"
Headline 11: Obama: Race Wars a GOP fixation
Also, we NEVER saw Bush clown masks, so how dare Americans make fun of THIS President. Racists
Speaking of assclowns...
ReplyDeleteThe sad part is, I kinda get what he's going for but he's doing it in the worst possible way.
Scott, There's been a desperate attempt lately by some of Ricky's friends in the conservative MSM to keep Ricky alive by explaining why he's really the best choice for the GOP rather than RINOs like Rubio, Cruz, Ryan and the rest.
ReplyDeleteAnd the line they've chosen for this impossible sales pitch is that it's an MSM lie that Ricky only cares about social issues... which are the KEY to winning over the public, dammit! Why don't you people get that?!!!!... Nope. Rick is a man of economics. In fact, he's the ONLY Republican who can connect with working class whites.
// rolls eyes Yeah, sure.
Patriot, They did say a "selfie" and that sounds vaguely naked to me. I wonder what her twitter handle is? CarLeona Helmsly?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, Kerry looks like he's in love... in a really twisted sort of way.
Obama-clown draws criticism! "Perfect." LOL! So true! I missed that. :D
I, for one, welcome our NSA oversight.... nice Simpson's Reference! :)
BTW, I think they should change the name of the Redskins to the "Washington Reagans"!!
ReplyDeleteWhat we've learned from over 240+ years of worth of American history. Do not under any circumstances MOCK the American President! It is demeaning and degrading and diminishes the Office of The President Of The United States with the extra added bonus of being racist.
ReplyDeleteOf course, after mocking the President unmercifully for about 240+ years, NOW they tell us!
Bev, LOL! Well said. So no more mocking starting.... now... or until a Republican takes office. Then you can wear whatever masks you want, like they did with Bush... and Reagan... and even Clinton.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least Hollywood is above such things... waitaminute... never mind. R-r-r-aaaaacists!
ReplyDeleteWow, guys in a Reagan mask, a Nixon mask and a Johnson mask robbing a bank along with Jimmy Carter. Has Hollywood no shame? That is soooo racist!
ReplyDeleteBTW, Let me add that the Republicans have mishandled the clown thing. Rather than just condemning or embracing the clown, they should have said:
ReplyDelete"That really is outrageous, just as it was outrageous when liberals did it to President Bush and Mitt Romney. It's time that we raised the level of discourse in this country. This level of hate that began when President Bush was in office is out of control and I think it's time that people like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and President Obama join us in agreeing to stop smearing opponents with hateful rhetoric and false charges of racism."
Throw it back on them.
Andrew, are you suggesting that past events might have some bearing on current ones? You really are crazy!
ReplyDeleteMoi crazy? That's never been proven!
ReplyDeleteActually, whether they do or don't, I think it makes more sense to (1) point out the hypocrisy of the attack while (2) attacking the left doing this very thing. Make it about them... always make it about them.
Andrew.....That's because the idiot repubs are always on the defensive. Of course that's what they should at eevery opportunity...throw it right back in their faces and let THEM respond. But no, like Pavlov's dog, we salivate and respond every time they poke us, jibe us and prod us.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, even if we did start throwing it back at them, there would be no media attention. What the hell does a republican have to say that anyone would want to listen to? They are all racists, bigots, women-h8ers and racists. Oh yeah...they are all racists too.
ass-clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I m ...
ReplyDeleteJed, I believe Thomas Jefferson said that. ;P
ReplyDeletePatriot, Sadly, our side is not blessed with the slightest grasp of how to debate, how to argue, or how to market.
ReplyDeleteAndrew - Not that you're not right about the Righties, BUT (there's alwayas a "but", isn't there?) I think our leadership is just reacting to the shock that we are not allowed to mock Obama at all.
ReplyDeleteIt is so stunning that the Left has this blanket amnesia about all the vitriol leveled at Bush (and Bush, and Reagan etc.) and that being able to mock the President and our other elected officials is what makes us Americans as opposed to, say, oh, I don't BRITISH! And hey! The French Legislature just decriminized mocking their President and elected officials as of JULY 26, 2013 !!! 2013, for God's sake!!!!
Bev, This is an old story on the right. The right consists of three types: (1) cowards and people who wrongly think the left will be fair, (2) idiots who think that screaming works, and (3) zealots who view politics as being about "truth" and disdain any effort at salesmanship. There have only been a handful of Republicans who knew better -- Reagan, Lee Atwater... list getting really short.
ReplyDeleteAs for the left, the amnesia is faked. They have defined the world in such a way that intent is what matters, not conduct. Thus, they can do the exact same thing but it's not bad when they do it and they don't see it as the same because the intent was different. So if you're looking for consistency or rationality, there is none.
Things are getting mighty strange in Constitution land. It's a good thing Hugo Chavez is dead or he's be next in line after Hillary.
ReplyDeleteK, What have you got against the Ghost of Hugo Chavez? Didn't he make the toilet paper arrive on time? Oh... wait, that was the next guy.
ReplyDeleteI thought rodeo clowns just saved the cowboys from bulls after they were bucked off. I didn't know they starred in segments of the show.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing against the ghost of Hugo Chavez, it's his re-animated dead body posing as the Secretary of State that worries me.
ReplyDeleteI would say that the Right has a fourth type of person--those who just want to hit everyone with a mallet until they stop being stupid--but on further reflection, that's probably not directly linked to ideology. So never mind. And no, I do not need help.
ReplyDeleteAnthony, Not being a rodeo aficionado, I can't say. I thought they just dodged bulls as well. I guess it makes sense though that they would get their own acts somewhere along the way.
ReplyDeleteT-Rav, The world needs more of those people... lots more.
ReplyDeleteK, LOL! Hillary's slogan should be "El Presidente Hugo brought you toilet paper... I shall do the same!"
ReplyDelete