● Hillary “wife of Bill” Clinton: Hasn’t said anything a President listened to since 1996. Hasn’t gone grocery shopping since Chelsea turned 16. Has gone “commando” since 1974. Hasn’t earned an honest dollar since, well, ever. Hasn't seen husband since 2000.
● Barack “TOTUS” Obama: Hasn’t driven since 2008. Hasn’t spoken words not written for him since 1979. Hasn’t gotten high since 2008. Hasn’t paid for a round of golf since 2008. Hasn’t done anything presidential since N/A.
● Madame O: Hasn’t driven since 2008. Doesn’t cook her own meals. Actually, this goes back to 1974, when she made a pot of Mac and Cheese and burned the crap out of it... which shouldn’t have been in there in the first place. Hasn’t stayed in anything less than a 5-star hotel since 2008. Hasn’t personally handled calling for room service since 2008.
● Joey “the Brane” Biden: Since Joe Biden made himself a ward of the state, Joey hasn’t been allowed to speak in public or get within 20 yards of Barack Obama. Hasn’t shot a shotgun through the door since 2011. Hasn’t used his dead wife in a campaign since 2012. Hasn’t had real hair since 1997.
● BillyBoy Clinton: Hasn’t had an intern since 1999. Hasn’t paid for sex since 1991. Hasn’t told the truth since 1978. Hasn’t been syphilis free since 1972. Hasn't been to Arkansas since 1996 to avoid paternity test to see if he's Miley Cyrus's father.
What am I missing?
As an aside, if you want to gripe about the SOTU, feel free to do so.
ReplyDeleteI watched Face Off with my sick kids instead. I didn't want them to get worse.
ReplyDeleteI watched Face Off as well. I really enjoy that show. I think the black guy has got amazing talent this season.
ReplyDeleteI admit that we've only seen the last couple episodes but it is amazing. We had to back off on the Dr. Who. Giving my son nightmares. My older daughter is not amused.
ReplyDeleteI love Face Off. It's really impressive to see what these people can do.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that about Dr. Who. I've enjoyed Dr. Who a lot, but I can see where it is more adult-oriented than it was 20 years ago. They've had some scary episodes.
The 1970s episode "Genesis of the Daleks" actually caused controversy with one woman calling it "Tea-time Terror for Tots".
ReplyDeleteDid not watch the State of the Union.
Didn't watch it either. I can't stand to look at that smug prick.
ReplyDeleteGypsyTyger
Obama has given up on gun-control at least for the time being. Of course, he really doesn't care anyway. Hell, he doesn't care if people starve, it's all show, I'ts always just show for those people. I lived in Arkansas when Bill was governor, our motto was, "Thank God for Mississippi or we would be dead last." But if you hear him talk he did miracles down there...it's a miracle some daddy didn't shoot him for diddling his daughter, Bill had young girlfriends all over the state. On to Barry, he's a classic limousine liberal..all talk, but he will not get his hands dirty except to pick up a golfball, for all I know he has the secret service do that too. Joe Biden is dense, you could use his head for an anvil. Michelle just strikes me as someone I wouldn't want my wife to run with, and I really can't put my finger on it, but I think she is a Grade A Fancy Phoney from the git-go. Boehner reminds me of the kids I liked to target in dodgeball...I threw that in just so everyone knows i don't have a lot of use for the Republicans up there..I think I know how Cicero felt when he looked at the awful shape his beloved Roman Republic had come to. We're being lead by mincing prancing perfumed princes and a large majority of the masses are falling for it...
ReplyDeleteI skipped the SOTU (as usual), too, in favor of a double-dose of both THE RIFLEMAN and THE SHIELD. At least the fiction in those was presented as fiction, yet still more truthful than whatever spewed forth from the O's mouth last night. I also didn't miss the mass of trained seals that rise and applaud multiple times, on cue, during the farce.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't watch either, but I have been reading the media reaction - "Ho hum...same old same old, nothing new". That pretty well encompasses their reaction.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite poll statistics from a CNN snap poll last night -
"The network's poll found that 76 percent of Americans viewed the speech somewhat or very positively, in line with reactions to his previous speeches, although the percentage with "very positive" views declined. Last year, 77 percent of watchers reported a positive view of the speech to CNN, and slightly higher numbers approved of Obama's speeches in three previous years.
Of course the number has remained fairly constant. The only people who can stand to listen or watch him speak are his acolytes...
I watched the DVR'ed Sherlock and Downton Abbey episodes from Sunday. I thought, in a massive coincidence of timing , that Bubba Ho-Tep and Hildabeast were renewing their vows in Manchester the day of the N.H. primary??? Second, I don't think totus and Tiger had a threesome with Beyonce since at least summer of '13. Joey B. hasn't brushed his teeth since he got the porcelein caps.
ReplyDeleteTennJ - I love, love, love Sherlock!
ReplyDelete1. When, where? What's a little more shocking is that they actually made vows to renew?
2. Oh, please, Beyoncé has been much too busy with the great foursome she and Jay-Z have going with TOTUS and FLOTUS to bother with Tiger...
3. I hear that Joey B. is seriously thinking he can run in 2016...he really is delusional, isn't he?
Bev, Amazing isn't it? There are people on the left who really think that Biden would be a great candidate. I honestly hope they run him.
ReplyDeleteI never heard of Hillary and Bill renewing their vows. Are these marriage vows or political vows?
Jed, I heard they made his caps out of recycled toilets. ;-P
ReplyDeleteDo you have a link to the marriage thing?
Backthrow, Good call. I don't know anyone who actually watched.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I hate that too when everyone bobs up and down at pointless lines. There is nothing worth applauding at SOTUs.
ReplyDeleteCritch, Less than 20% of the public voted for the guy. That's hard a large majority of anyone falling for it. If anything, "None of the Above" is winning our elections regularly 60%-40%.
ReplyDeleteGypsyTyger, I'm the same way. I can't take the smug bastard anymore... not even for a soundbite.
ReplyDeleteKit, And that episode was pretty tame compared to what they do today.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! Obama is now being accused of plagiarizing a Bush-era speech last night. What a schmuck.
ReplyDeleteLINK
Andrew,
ReplyDeleteGood point.
Ok, so technically I didn't watch the SOTU address, but I did have the radio on. Not having to look at his smug face helped a lot. Plus, at this point, Obama's presidency is like a trainwreck I can't turn away from.
ReplyDeleteIn short, Andrew called it perfectly. B.O. talked about every conceivable subject and then some. He renewed his push for universal preschool, renewed his push for immigration reform, renewed his focus on the economy, renewed his demand to close Gitmo...you get the picture. He declared each of his failures to be a success in progress (my words, not his - he wishes he could be so clever). Every third sentence was an unobjectionable, meaningless applause line.
Then I blacked out and awoke in a puddle of my own vomit. Wait. Is it racist to say "blacked out" when discussing the president's speech?
tryanmax, That's what Obama has become. He's become the man of a million pointless issues, none of which ever get achieved.
ReplyDeleteOn him not being that clever, I am still amazed that after however many years he's been el Presidente, he has yet to find a single decent speechwriter. I don't understand that.
And yes, that is being racist. So is being sucked into a black hole while criticizing the president, being sucked into a white hole while criticizing the president, eating a sandwich while criticizing the president, watching television while criticizing the president, etc. The key is, "while criticizing the president." There in lies the racism, honkey.
Also couldn't bring myself to watch the SOTU last night. (I decided to be nice to my gastrointestinal tract.) Besides, Tuesday is Mobster night on Bio. Better choice. Now, before anyone says that the two choices are largely interchangeable, I'd like you to consider how such a thought is actually quite insulting to the institution of organized crime. For instance:
ReplyDelete-up-and-coming mobsters need to learn their craft on the street. This means actaully doing something- threats, stealing from pay phones (the remaining ones), shaking down people in debt, etc. Being an inactive journal editor doesn't count.
-once noticed, prospective mobsters have to become earners (or 'associates'). Yes, you have to actually EARN money by setting up your own rackets- gambling, loansharking, horse tracks, union work, and so on. Obama couldn't run an overpriced lemonade stand.
-before getting made, prospective mobsters need to take someone out. It has to be someone the mob wants wacked, and you have to do this yourself. You can't delegate this. (Dear NSA: not accusing anyone of anything here. This is strictly hypothetical, like the existence of the mob.) Only mob bosses have the privilege of delegating tasks. And unless your name is Paul Castellano, you have to spend time in the rank and file to earn the position of boss- David Axelrod and Rahm Emmanuel can't give it to you.
-finally, Obama would completely screw up the omerta ceremony. He'd probably cringe and refuse both the pinprick and the burning picture- likely claiming his hands are too pretty. Then he'd follow that up with a SOTU about how things would be better off if he were running everything and demand that they make him a godfather (and probably head of the Commission). [feel free to insert how you think things would turn out]
So, in conclusion, it's probably wrong to call Obama a mobster. He's not willing to put in the work it takes. And I'm willing to bet real-life scum would be offended to have him lumped in with them, for that very reason. So, any other words we can use to describe our lack of love for the Arrogant-in-Chief? My thesaurus is running thin.
Andrew and Bev - I think it was from a satirical piece (the Clinton thing.) Possibly the onion? Bev - Sherlock is great, I totally agree with you.
ReplyDelete