Obamacare Updates Are Painless...

Put down the gun, step back from that ledge my friend, climb out of the wood chipper. We’ll get through this Obamacare update together. You will be ok. I promise. So grab a handful of valium or Viagra or furosemide and let’s begin!

● Doctor No: The Thompson Twins sang, “Doctor, doctor, can you hear me calling calling,” and apparently the answer in “No,” as Californians are learning. See, it turns out that to keep costs “low” (“you use that word... I do not think it means what you think it means”), the Obamacare insurers in California created networks with very few doctors in them. Essentially, they filled these networks with the cheapest, skankiest doctors they could find and they cut out anyone who actually wanted to be paid.

Now people are furious as they discover that their doctors aren’t in the networks, that they can’t find doctors, and that they can’t find specialists and hospitals who will take their insurance. Naturally, California Democrats are outraged that the laws of economics have ruined their plans, so the legislature is passing laws with the intent of forcing these insurers to add more doctors to their networks by magic. Zero thought has been given to how this will affect the prices, but that’s the fun of watching California do its thing... watching them bounce from mistake to mistake until it all falls apart.

● Jobs Are For Losers: Once upon a time, there was a charmless monster called Obamacare which lived to eat people’s healthcare and kill their jobs. And boy did it ever feast. The CBO has determined that Obamacare will cost two million jobs over the next decade because it increases the costs of employment. Add that to Obama’s economic record of zero net jobs created.

Bizarrely, Team Obama is claiming that this will be a good thing because it means that these people who lose the jobs they depend upon to earn a living will now have more time to spend with their families. Huh?! Are they serious? Ok, I’ll call your bluff, Mr. President. If people losing their jobs is a good thing, then fire half the government... set them free to spend their time with their families. Jerkoff.

● So Much For Competition: Obamacare does nothing to lower costs. To pretend they did, Obama claimed that Obamacare would lower costs because competition would cause the companies to reduce their costs to win customers. Apparently that was a lie too. Shocking. It turns out that four companies are getting 95% of the signups. That’s called an oligopoly.

● The Check’s In The Mail: There is a law under which the federal government pays the insurance premiums for AIDS patients, because they deserve it and you don’t. Anyways, there is a problem. Insurers aren’t allowing third parties to pay premiums under Obamacare because they think the law makes that illegal. So suddenly, people with AIDS who moved over to Obamacare are being dumped by the insurers on the basis that they won’t accept the third-party checks. Nice.

In truth, this is probably really just an attempt to dump AIDS patients, who are very expensive, but we’ll see who’s really to blame here.

● You Got Screwed!: Before the election, many companies talked about the costs they would incur under Obamacare and how those costs would be passed down to workers. The MSM ignored them. Well, we’re seeing it now: lost jobs, jobs cut to part time, dumped healthcare are all part of it. Now we’re hearing about things like AOL, which just changed their 401K rules ostensibly because of the costs of Obamacare. What they’ve done is stop contributing to 401Ks every pay period. Instead, they will make a one time payment each December, assuming you are still employed on that date.

● Young Hearts: Finally, young people keep staying away in droves. Team Obama is blaming the chaotic rollout, but that’s not the problem. They need around 40% of those signing up to be young suckers, but they are only getting 25%. Even worse, I’m seeing hints that the young they are getting are on Medicaid. Whoops. These are not the droids you’re looking for!

There. We’re done. You lived. Go have some cake. :D