These Are Not Kit's Thoughts... Maybe They Should Be?

With Kit lying in a Democratic-Debate-Induced Coma, I am taking over his post tonight. Now, what should I write? Hmm. I know, I'll write some random thoughts that I'm pretty sure Kit believes. :) So sue him if you don't like these!

● Hipster Beards: I hate hipster beards. Seriously, when did looking like hillbilly trash become a good look? Are you going to decorate your house with a meth lab too? And do you know what else? Just like all the idiots who got "tribal" tattoos to show their individuality, none of you looks like an individual doing this. To the contrary, you look like an army of clones. How do you show your individuality by doing what everyone else is doing anyways?

● The F-35: Why are we building an airplane that doesn't do anything better than the plane it's replacing? I keep reading about this thing and it sounds like an expensive step backwards. I know that military systems tend to improve in the field, but this seems like a serious mistake.

● What Fringe Commentarama Would Be Like: OMG! There are killer Islamic TERMINATOR robots driving a secret CHINESE aircraft carrier to Syria to somethingsomething... or so I'm told. It's all OBAMA's fault! He spends all his time spying on my house!!! We must destroy the GOP to stop Obama!! I hate you Jennifer Lawrence!!!

Aren't you glad that's not us?

● Make It Stop!: If there is a God, then hear me. Why have you cursed us with the Kardashian plague? Have we sinned against you? Can't we have the syphilitic toads instead?

● Ain't Got No Dignity: What the hell is going on with all these supposedly respectable actors and actresses going on talk shows to answer questions like "which of your co-stars would you f*ck and which would you kill?" Is there no dignity left in these people? And who says you can't do both to all your co-stars? No creativity... no originality... no dignity.

● Sexism: You want an example of sexism? This ==> the girl posse or girl gang or whatever they call it. You know what I'm talking about, right? This is when some actress or singer gathers together a group of other "women" and they act like friends and partners and cohorts and they talk about banding together for empowerment (which I believe translates into pillow fights). But have you noticed that they only pick other hot young women? Not one of these posses includes women who are fat or ugly or old. So maybe if women want to talk about sexism holding them back... maybe they should look at themselves first.

● Water... waaaaater: Like a parched camel on its last hump, NASA thinks they found water under the surface of Mars. That is soooo cool. That means we may colonize Mars in our lifetimes! I wonder how long it will take for the first environmentalist to whine about our carbon footprint on Mars?

● Ethical Question: Is it wrong to pass a school bus when its red light is flashing and the stop sign is out? What if you found yourself sitting behind it for five minutes as the driver worked to get a wheel-chair bound kid strapped into place? Isn't there some sort of five minute mercy rule or something? Doesn't it seem like the driver shouldn't have turned on the sign in the first place if it was going to take that long?