We Scored An Interview With Chelsea Clinton!

We have big news today. Chelsea Clinton has been big in the news lately as the left continues their search for their next savior and the Clintons pimp her to continue their obsession with power. Well, we scored an interview... sort of. Avante!

Question: Now, you're a child of privilege who's never achieved anything that didn't come from your father's fame and you failed at every softball job that was handed to you on a silver platter. How did you become such a strong woman?

Answer: Well, aren't all women strong women, really? I mean, except for actual strong women and Republican women. But every worthless, useless liberal woman out there is a strong woman. Am I right? It's so hard to be a woman.

Question: Hard? Are you suggesting women are biologically defective?

Answer: Um... I don't understand.

Question: Of course you don't. Let's go through your work history to see if you're qualified for anything except graft, shall we?

Answer: What's graft?

Question: A way of life for your family. Now, you apparently worked for McKinsey & Company from 2003 to 2006 before switching to Avenue Capital Group, right? No one seems to know what you did. Did you actually do anything? Clinton Associate Daniel Halper said, “She’s never had a [real] job. She’s been in college for 12 years.”

Answer: I'm sure I did something. I had a Masters in International Relations and degrees like that prepare you to do so much.

Question: I'll do the comedy. Now, lest anyone think you got those jobs on merit, allow me to point out that you were also a co-chair for the fundraising arm of the Clinton Foundation, correct?

Answer: I'm sure they hired me for merrick. The problem was: “I was curious if I could care about money on some fundamental level, and I couldn’t.”

Question: But it was other people's money you were caring for... retirements... life savings, things people needed to live. You couldn't care about that?

Answer: I don't care about money.

Question: Or your clients apparently. Anyways, even though you started at Avenue Capital at the end of 2006, did you not spend 2007 and 2008 campaigning for your mom Hillary on college campuses? So you only "worked" a month or two. Couldn't hack it?

Answer: I hacked it. But it was more important that I reach those kids. We changed hearts and minds.

Question: And yet, your mom got her ass handed to her by a newbie, right? In fact, didn't Obama win record support among the very people you were supposed to win for her? You must really suck as a campaigner.

Answer: You're not Matt Lauer, are you?

Question: Do I look like Matt Lauer? Longtime Clinton Associate Doug Band said of your campaigning, “She is acting like a spoiled brat kid who has nothing else to do but create issues because she, as she has said, hasn’t found her way and has a lack of focus in her life.” That's harsh.

Answer: People aren't allowed to say mean things to me. “I wish that I had had one galvanizing ambition that I could reverse engineer my life toward.”

Question: But you do. It's called Clinton Inc. In fact, since 2007 you've basically become a tool of the Clinton Foundation and the Clinton Global Initiative, haven't you?

Answer: What kind of tool?

Question: I was thinking a ho. They even changed the name to include your name, didn't they? That is on the part they didn't need to shut down over questionable (read: illegal) practices.

Answer: I want to help people.

Question: Just not protect their savings. Anyways, you were always my favorite prop in your dad's campaigns. I love how the Clintons used the "attacks" on you to demand sympathy and declare you off-limits from all those meanies only to turn around and let the New York Times run 87 puff pieces on you. In fact, you have been described as having "gotten the most coverage of any presidential child ever."

Answer: You're not allowed to say anything bad.

Question: I'll take that under advisement. When you campaigned for your mom, I find it interesting that you refused to give interviews to the media or respond to questions from the press.

Answer: They ask mean things.

Question: How did you feel when MSNBC report David Shuster characterized your participation in your mom's campaign as "sort of being pimped out"?

Answer: He was a meanie.

Question: Now you give speeches for money, right? You get paid $66,000 a pop... not bad for someone who doesn't care about money. Isn't that more than you need?

Answer: People like to pay me to give speeches.

Question: Oh, I see. What kind of speeches?

Answer: Speeches on improving global and prosperity for health and women. I give them for the Clinton Foundation. Like we told the New York Times, my speeches "are on behalf of the Clinton Foundation, and 100 percent of the fees are remitted directly to the foundation."

Question: And yet, you are growing rich? Gee, that doesn't smell like graft. Have you no shame?

Answer: What is shame?

Question: Pretty much every act your family has ever undertaken. See, I'm told you're worth $15 million, but I see no job or opportunity that would have legitimately let you earn that money. How did you make that money?

Answer: Iduno.

Question: Here's a clue. Didn't NBC hire you at some point too?

Answer: No.

Question: Yes, they did. I remember you. They gave you the most fluffy of softball assignments and you sucked donkey d*ck. You blew rhinos. You were horrrrrrrible.

Answer: I lasted three years! How bad could I be?

Question: Oh yeah, you lasted three years all right. You made your debut in November 2011 as a special correspondent. You did a couple interviews. You sucked. Even liberals said you sucked. One network executive said you “acted like we should be grateful that she was in the room.” An NBC producer said, “This is my challenge with her... people in television constantly interrupt each other, but when you are with Chelsea, you really need to allow her to finish. She is not used to being interrupted that way." And your interviews were paaaaaainful. So NBC yanked you after a couple weeks, told everyone how amazing you were, and then claimed the relationship was always meant to be a three month contract only. You never appeared for them again. Yet, they paid you until you quit three years later... $600,000 a year. Was that bribe money?

Answer: Why would anyone bribe me?

Question: Gee, I have no idea Mrs. CLINTON. In 2015, someone paid you to write a book aimed at middle school students, didn't they? This turd dealt with a full range of social issues, likely not including graft, and was roundly criticized for being crap. So you couldn't be a reporter, the easiest job ever outside of actor, and you couldn't write a children's book. You're not very talented, are you?

Answer: My mom says I am. I'm married. Let's talk about that.

Question: All right, let's talk about your unsavory husband. His name is Mezvinsky and his parents were Democratic House of Representative members, which makes this feel like an arranged marriage. His father embezzled more than $10 million in a Ponzi-scheme and was found guilty in 2001. His mother divorced him after the conviction and filed bankruptcy. Junior founded a hedge fund called Eaglevale Partners and lost 90% of the firm's assets.

Answer: I love him so much.

Question: The Wikileaks release of Podesta's emails indicated that your hubby used your contacts with the Clinton Foundation to find investors. Is that true?

Answer: Oh, look at the time. I need to go. I'm not running for office, unless I am... byyyye! //giggle giggle

//Races out door

That struck me as informative. You? By the way, you really need to read this article: LINK. It's an amazing take down of Chelsea. This one is good too: LINK.