As we near the end of 2019, I say "Thank God!" 2019 has been brutal. Several deaths. Surgeries. Medical issues galore. A suicide threat. Five root canals! A failed set of braces. Destroyed appliances. Car issues that ran into the $10k range. Kids imploding spectacularly. A lost job. And so on. It even extended to our friends. It hasn't even quit yet. Just yesterday, we had a failed dental implant... these things don't fail, and a friend with an ulcer. So good riddance to 2019. If Karma is a thing, 2020 owes me big. It's going to need to make me an immortal billionaire just to even things out. I hope your year went better and I hope your 2020 is fantastic! Speaking of 2020...
It's time for predictions!
1. Buttguy wins the Democratic nomination.
2. Trump wins re-election in a squeaker. Dems keep the House, but don't win the Senate.
3. England finally gets its Brexit deal and the world does not end. England does not sink into the ocean. In fact, little changes, apart from the thousands of "see how bad it really is" articles that will highlight silly things like needing a passport stamp as if they are the end of the world. Look for Spain to start the breakup into three countries.
4. Stock market takes a serious dive in February, but recovers by November and ends the year right where it is now.
5. LSU wins the national championship by 40 points. The Saints get to the Superbowl and lose to the Patriots, who have been written off by their loyal fans, but will swear they had faith the whole time.
6. Hollywood realizes that they haven't made a genuine story in years and they all commit collective suicide. Wait, that's wishful thinking. In reality, they keep turning out superhero stories and raping old properties while spewing lies about being in it for the art. It's time for Mork and Mindy, Golden Girls, and Mr. Ed reboots. The public is screaming for those, especially with a genderfluid Mork, four gay old men as the Golden Girls, and a tranny Mr. Ed who wants to be a cow.
7. The world seems pretty stable, so I don't see any new wars or revolutions.
8. Greta Thunberg wears out her welcome when leftist celebrities get tired of being told they are expected to follow her advice as well. Accepting that other people need to be more responsible is more fun than having to be responsible yourself. She's then mysteriously run over by a German train... in Sweden.
9. The demographics people finally catch up with the truth and our whole view of the future changes as Hispanic growth peter's out, Asian growth soars, and mixed race kids are projected to become largest minority group in 50 years. I'll have to write an article on this. The genetics of it are going to be fascinating.
10. Finally, some truths come out: Buttguy is not actually gay... Warren is not American Indian... Harris is not black... Biden is not senile (Hillary is)... Cory Booker is a real person... Beto O'Rorke is now a stripper in Texas... Pelosi and Trump are Russian moles... Micheal Bloomberg secretly drinks soda from a 42oz cup (athletic supporter) at home... Andrew Yang hides in wine caves hoping to circumcise unsuspecting billionaires. It's all true.
What did I miss?
It's time for predictions!
1. Buttguy wins the Democratic nomination.
2. Trump wins re-election in a squeaker. Dems keep the House, but don't win the Senate.
3. England finally gets its Brexit deal and the world does not end. England does not sink into the ocean. In fact, little changes, apart from the thousands of "see how bad it really is" articles that will highlight silly things like needing a passport stamp as if they are the end of the world. Look for Spain to start the breakup into three countries.
4. Stock market takes a serious dive in February, but recovers by November and ends the year right where it is now.
5. LSU wins the national championship by 40 points. The Saints get to the Superbowl and lose to the Patriots, who have been written off by their loyal fans, but will swear they had faith the whole time.
6. Hollywood realizes that they haven't made a genuine story in years and they all commit collective suicide. Wait, that's wishful thinking. In reality, they keep turning out superhero stories and raping old properties while spewing lies about being in it for the art. It's time for Mork and Mindy, Golden Girls, and Mr. Ed reboots. The public is screaming for those, especially with a genderfluid Mork, four gay old men as the Golden Girls, and a tranny Mr. Ed who wants to be a cow.
7. The world seems pretty stable, so I don't see any new wars or revolutions.
8. Greta Thunberg wears out her welcome when leftist celebrities get tired of being told they are expected to follow her advice as well. Accepting that other people need to be more responsible is more fun than having to be responsible yourself. She's then mysteriously run over by a German train... in Sweden.
9. The demographics people finally catch up with the truth and our whole view of the future changes as Hispanic growth peter's out, Asian growth soars, and mixed race kids are projected to become largest minority group in 50 years. I'll have to write an article on this. The genetics of it are going to be fascinating.
10. Finally, some truths come out: Buttguy is not actually gay... Warren is not American Indian... Harris is not black... Biden is not senile (Hillary is)... Cory Booker is a real person... Beto O'Rorke is now a stripper in Texas... Pelosi and Trump are Russian moles... Micheal Bloomberg secretly drinks soda from a 42oz cup (athletic supporter) at home... Andrew Yang hides in wine caves hoping to circumcise unsuspecting billionaires. It's all true.
What did I miss?