The Rise of Smartphones and the Fall of Good Manners

Say what you want about Victorians, but they had good manners. They knew how to dress for any occasion and the difference between salad fork and dessert fork. [Just watch "Downtown Abbey" if you want a crash course] Of course that was in Great Britain where one's class dictated one's manners in all things. Unfortunately for those Brits, the common person not "to the manner born" had a very hard time rising above their station even with the best of manners.

As the 20th Century progressed, proper etiquette and deportment filtered down to the burgeoning middle class. In the US where one's station in life was not necessarily dictated by birthright, proper etiquette played a very important role in one's social mobility. Books, magazines and other periodicals were common sources to learn how to comport oneself in polite society and one was judged by the same. Starting in the 1920's, Emily Post's books were considered the Bible of Proper Etiquette. Moving up the corporate or social ladder meant knowing how to dress, how to speak and converse, and how to comport oneself in public (and of course which fork to use for which course). Children were drilled all of these good manners and how to say "Yes, ma'am" and "No, sir" when addressing adults. It may have appeared stuffy, but there was comfort in knowing how you were expected to act in public so as not to draw undo attention or to guarantee another invitation.

You may remember these days when one dressed for events like church (putting on your Sunday best), parties, or the theatre. These were event that required respect. And though you may not connect this, dressing properly for events was how one showed respect to your host or hostess.

Then came the '60's when things like manners and dress began to slowly fall out of favor for a more relaxed atmosphere and the slow, steady decline of manners began. Denim became appropriate for all occasions with shoes optional. Dressing for dinner out to restaurants with dress codes gave way to the fast growing casual dining establishments that began to spring up all over the country where it was "come as you are". Quaint things like knowing the difference between "Afternoon tea" attire, "After-5" clothing for friendly dinner parties (think Rob and Laura Petrie's "at homes") and "Black-tie" events became muddled and have all but fallen by the wayside. Believe it or not, putting "Black-tie Only" on invitations is a late 20th Century addition.

Oh, but let's skip the end of the 20th Century and fast-forward to the 21st and the Age of Electronics!! Woo-hoo! Now, not only does one not dress for a nice dinner out, but with that handy smartphone permanently in hand, conversing with your dinner companions who are sitting right next to you has become quaint and old-fashioned. I walk the streets of Manhattan every day and am just amazed at how people can't even look up from their phones to order coffee from the nice polite purple-haired Barista at Starbucks. People today can't even put their phones down to enjoy a very expensive Broadway play. And if that phone needs to be charged up, any old electrical outlet will do even if it is a dummy outlet on stage.

Yeah, three such incidences happened in the last few weeks at Broadway theatres. First there was the guy at a recent production of "Hand of God" who jumped on stage before the performance to plug his phone in not knowing that the plug was dummy. Then there was Madonna, that icon of rule-breaking, at a recent production of "Hamilton" (that guy that is being removed from the $10 bill soon...). Much to the annoyance of the actors on stage, she just couldn't stop texting throughout the entire show. [Apparently, Madonna has been banned from a movie theater chain for doing the same thing] And the last was at a Lincoln Center production of "Show of Day" starring Patty Lapone, never known for her patience with audiences who don't pay attention, who walked out into the audience and grabbed some audience member's phone when this stellar patron of the arts just couldn't stop texting. Just for the record, Ms LaPone has made a habit of stopping shows to berate audience members.

I think that it is sad that people do not know how to comport themselves in public. But I also think that it is kind of ironic that the liberal-ati of the art world are whining about all of these ill-mannered patrons. After all, artists have always been the champions of the counter-culture that created our more relaxed, manner-free society and only have themselves to blame. Don't get me wrong, these examples of smartphone abuse are just a symptom of a much bigger problem. The real problem is the over-all decline in basic respect and good, old-fashioned manners.

And then there's Facebook...