Contest - Conspiracy Theories

I love conspiracy theories, don't you? I mean you've got to blame someone or something (not you) for the inexplicable, right? Stuff just doesn't happen randomly, right? Here's one...God, will the cold weather never end? I am not sure how much longer I can take it. Personally, I blame Canada. They are really nice people as a whole. Okay, the Mayor of Toronto is kind of a hot mess, but otherwise they are really nice with their hockey-playing, beer and bacon. I mean, who doesn't like bacon, right? So why are they torturing us with their weather? I think that maybe is has something to do with the Keystone pipeline, but that's just me. Canada is to blame more than likely. I'm thinkin' weather machines.

Speaking of weather machines, I noticed that for the last 12 years or so, New York has had pretty mild winters. Oh, there's been a few big snow storms, but nothing really too bad. Suddenly, starting January 2014, the weather takes a real turn for the worse. Why is that? Well, here's one theory that I just can't shake - the minute Mayor Bloomberg leaves office and BAM! It's snowing every other day! I'm thinking our former billionaire mayor had some kind of billionaire owned, Upper East Side lair-like weather machine! I mean, he tried to control everything else, why not the weather? Yeah, that must be it.

And how many theories are there on the assassination of President Kennedy? There are hundreds, right? [I know what you are thinking - I was living in Dallas in 1964, but for God sake, I was four years old, so it wasn't me, okay?] And there's 9/11, the Illuminati, the Masons, Mary Magdelene, Big Foot/Yetti, Loch Ness monster, New Coke, the list can go on and on.

So here's what I'm thinking. Andrew is under the weather and he probably needs some cheering up. And conspiracy theories...er...laughter IS the best medicine (after good ol' chicken soup and Nyquil), so why don't we riff on conspiracy theories?

Do YOU have a favorite conspiracy theory? Don't hold back. It may seem crazy, but then one never knows, does one? I mean, people will believe anything...Here's something to inspire you...and....GO!

Oh, and there may be a free Commentarama (invisible) t-shirt in it for the most plausible theory. Who doesn't need an extra invisible t-shirt, right? [DISCLAIMER #1 - I have to check with The Management to make sure we have an ample supply. We never found the last shipment because...well, they are invisible and all} And I have it on good authority from a "highly=placed, unauthorized, unnamed government source" that the IRS, NSA, CIA, and all the other government alphabet organizations will not be reading this, so you don't have to worry about any "Three Days of the Condor"-type situations...but if you see any stray kittens with WMD's in your neighborhood...RUN!

DISCLAIMER #2: CommentaraPolitics will not be responsible for any residual issues from random conspiracy theories rendered in the comment section of this blog post - The Management

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The Thursday Work, Schmerck, "You Don't Need No Stinkin' Job" Contest

Huzzah! It was announced by the CBO, the Democratic leadership, and WH decree that we are now free to be who we've been waiting for. Yes, because of Obamacare, we can throw off the shackles of boring, soul-sucking "employment" and passionately embrace our most precious inner-child. So it's time to pack up those sensible shoes and boring power suits and break out the painting smocks, berets, and feather quills! Great poetry and literature are just waiting to be written (or rewritten), great philosophical thoughts are ready to be thought, and great works of art are just waiting to be painted, sculpted and decoupaged. Oh, and ladies, you now have the "choice" to stay at home with the kids! Hey, Obama said so!

Okay, I know I am making light of this, but the spin is fascinating. The CBO report states that Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act will result in at least a 2.3 million job loss. Oops, realizing that Obama wouldn't like that, they immediately "clarified" that what they meant by "job loss" wasn't "lost jobs" or that workers would lose their jobs or work hours. They really meant that at least 2.3 million workers will be able to "transition" out of jobs that they would no longer need just to get their health insurance. They called it "job lock" and that is bad.

Now for the "contest" section: Just for fun, quit your job...no, really, Nancy Pelosi said you could. Okay, I know, you can't do that because you've grown accustomed to electricity and indoor plumbing, but let's play a game just for laughs and get in touch with your inner-Eloi. What would you do if you no longer had to worry about the mundane things in life and could do anything?

Oh, and great works that are already taken and are off-limits:

1. Gregorian chant
2. The Flying Buttress
3. The Sistine Chapel
4. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
5. Kama Sutra
6. The Gettysburg Address
7. Saving the Delta smelt and/or the spotted owl
8. Twitter
9. Curling

Oh, and Tryanmax already called dibs on The Bible 1 3/4 - The Middle Testament, Mount Rush-even-more, and all the Dante's Inferno sequels from DI2: Hell Rising through DI5: Burnout. I call dibs on The Bible 2.0 - The Newer Testament.

In honor of the Sochi Olympics - On your marks, get set.......GO!!

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Fun With Obamacare: Buy It Because...

It looks like the rollout of Obamacare is not going as well as expected despite the fact that the website(s) are really "glitchy" and there is no useful information available. Well, and those tens of millions of people who are losing their insurance...HEY, Obama apologized for that and is "looking into it". We won't mention the barely vetted "navigators". I mean really, how hard can it be to force 350,000,000 people to buy something that they don't really know what they are buying and how much they will be paying for it? I feel bad for Obama. He didn't know... he... did... not... know!

Obama needs our help. We can sell this monstrosity! Yes... We... Can! Let's sell Obamacare. It's the least we can do, right? We didn't want it and we fought against it. We warned them repeatedly of all the problems and pitfalls to come. They didn't want to listen and now they are in trouble...big trouble. I know what you are thinking. Why should we help? Well, we are human beings and they obviously don't know how to sell something that they can't really explain coherently and can't really define how much it will cost. But most importantly, maybe we can score one of those $100million navigator "grants"!

For inspiration, here is what they've come up with in Colorado [It's okay, no tax dollars were used in the making of these ads.] They could be more offensive, but I am not sure how. I'm guessing that there was way too much "going to Denver"ing going on while writing these ad, but that's okay. And the good news is that the Colorado exchange is one of the most "successful"! Now, I know what your thinking (again) - They are only selling "about a thousand plans a week" in private insurance policies, BUT they have signed up almost ten times that to Medicaid! Amazon.com better look out.

Okay... so here is what I want you to do. It is obvious what they need is really catchy slogan. And I know, if we put our collective Commentarama-brains together, we can come up with the perfect slogan that can turn this puppy around! Yes... We... Can! We... Are... Who... They... Have... Been... Waiting... For!!! So, do your best. But if you can't do your best, just show up... I promise there's a ribbon in it for everyone... really, I promise that if you like your ribbon, you can keep your ribbon... no one will take that ribbon away from you... period. All you have to do is fill in the blank... it's that simple... just fill in that blank.

Buy It Because ________________________!

{{{{Remember...there's a free ribbon at the end! Ribbon!}}}

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Contest: Favorite Word

So today I am going to use the Commentarama "Way-Back" machine. [Yes, we have one, but don't tell anyone. It will be our little secret, 'kay?]*. Let's go back to a time when the world was calm and peaceful, and we were happy and carefree.

Back when...er...ummm, wait a minute. I forgot. Our "Way-Back" machine only goes back to real places, not imaginary, fantasy places that never existed. Never mind then.

Okay, since we can't go back to a time that has never existed, let's go back to a time at Commentarama that did and have some fun with our imaginations and our vocabulary! This is a simple contest that we did years ago [and, yes, I am stealing]*, and was kind of fun and revealing. Here are the rules...oh, who am I kidding. This is Commentarama. There ARE no rules even if we wanted there to be rules!

What is your favorite word?

Okay, there is just one rule that you must follow without question. Have fun with it!

And....go!

*FYI [anything that appears in brackets is top secret stuff, so don't tell anyone]

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Inauguration Weekend of Fun

"In a way, Obama's standing above the country, above -- above the world. He's sort of God. He's going to bring all different sides together."

- Evan Thomas, editor of Newsweek 2009

So, just in case you didn't know, it's the moment we all have been waiting for, isn't it? It's the second annual Obama Inauguration Weekend in Washington, D.C.!!! Yes, we will be swearing at...er...in our Commander-in-Chief for his second shot (oops!) at righting (or "lefting") our National course. This weekend will have all the pomp and circumstance of a country not in a fiscal crisis too! Here's just a sampling of what you can expect.

And if you can't attend, but want to keep the memory with you always, here's a site where you can get your very own set of Presidential golf balls and golf towel that may very well come with its very own Presidential sweat! (how inappropriately cheeky!)

Anyway, if you will be watching as I know you will, what will you hope to hear from "The Second Coming" as he was called by Evan Thomas of Newsweek Magazine (again)? Do you think he will be soaring with rhetorical brilliance with fresh and expansive ideals to take our country forward together? Or will he be...well, you decide. There may be prizes galore for the one with the best answers...

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