The candidates we have chosen have really proven to me that they stand head and shoulders about the rest. These people have amazing experience, verbal accuity and they are shameless a sh*t, which is important if we're going to deal with a world of thugs and punks running third-rate countries. These people have shown that they know how to answer the phone at 3:00 AM and shoot through that door with a shotgun to end whatever threat we face. Domestically, they have shown they know how to make money too, either by shaking down foreigners or just separating fools from their money.
What more could we want?
So without further ado, here is the ticket Commentarama endorses:
Sure, they're from different parties, but this is the DREAM TEAM of modern politics! Thoughts?President Joe Biden
Vice President Ted Cruz
P.S. April Fools