Monday, September 7, 2009

Stark Raving Mad Mad Mad World. . .

Once again, it seems the world has gone a little crazy. I’m not talking about our President trying to create an Obama Youth Corp or our Congress housing more tax cheats than a federal prison. No. I’m talking about downright, barking-at-the-moon crazy. Consider this:

Exhibit A: “Qaddafi Calls For U.N. To Abolish Switzerland”

That’s right, Muammar Qaddafi wants the U.N. to abolish Switzerland. No word on whether or not he wants them removed from our minds as well, but details of this plan remain sketchy at this point. I guess I have no problems with this in principle, but I think the U.N. should first test their plan on one of those worthless countries run by an idiot. . . like Libya.

Exhibit B: “Japan’s First Lady Probed By Aliens”

So much for Japan’s reputation as a staid, conservative. . . sane country. Says Miyuki Hatoyama (which is Japanese for “mental”), who is the wife of premier-in-waiting Yukio Hatoyama (which is Japanese for “I’m With Stupid”): “While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place and it was really green.” And then she woke up in a dumpster with two homeless guys snorting coke off her belly.

At least this explains the priority seating signs.

Exhibit C: “Robot Attacks Swedish Factory Worker”

That’s right, a Swedish built robot reached out and physically attacked a worker, nearly killing the man. Said Public Prosecutor Lief Johansson: “I’ve never heard of a robot attacking somebody like this. Usually they use plasma rifles in the 40 Watt range.” Johansson is mulling possible charges. . . against the robot I guess? If he is, he should know that the robot claims to have been abused when it was only component parts.

And isn’t Sweden supposed to be neutral? They’ve sat out history for this long, why are they now building Robot Holocaust-inducing robots? Somebody should abolish them post haste, before we all die.

Exhibit C: “Lobster Wars Rock Remote Maine Island”

First killer Swedish robots, now killer lobsters? No word on casualties yet, though I understand some Mainiacs have been captured. More disturbingly, three have returned from the front with war brides. I guess we understand where Stephen King gets his idea. . . whoa, did I forget the “s” on the end of that word? Hmm, I should fix that.

Exhibit D: “Britons Angered By Adolph Hitler Sex Tape”

And finally, the coup de grace. . . Hitler made a sex tape. Yep. Let me repeat that. Hitler. . . made a sex tape. That’s hot. Actually, some AIDS group made a Hitler sex tape because they thought this would be a good idea. . . like building a killer robot. And rumor has it, in future commercials, Hitler will be doing the nasty with the übercreepy Burger King “King.”

Killer robots, killer lobsters, alien abductions, Hitler sex tapes, and a re-write of reality? Oh help me Spock! Is it something in the water? Is it internet addiction gone wrong? (You know they have a clinic for that now -- in Seattle. . . and probably on-line somewhere.) Whatever the cause, let’s hope they find a cure. Might I suggest 50 megatons?


Writer X said...

The real funny thing is that the UN is so devoid of cajones that they would actually honor Qaddafi's request.

I saw that news clip about the Japanese First Lady and thought it was a movie trailer for a Godzilla remake.

Too funny, Andrew!

JG said...

Wow, this is awesome. Abolish Sweden and divide the land? This is Europe, not the Middle East. That's not how they roll.

And re: the killer robot thing, I say again, unless the world starts taking the warnings of sci-fi lit seriously, we're all going to be in a world of hurt. :)

I need to ask my Japanese friends about that....hehehe....

LawHawkSF said...

I would think Qaddafi would love Switzerland--they have so much in common. They have holes in their cheese, and he has holes in his head.

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Writer X. I definitely can see the U.N. seriously debating this issue. If they do, that kind of proves just what a waste that whole organization is!

StanH said...

Ahh… Qaddafi! Interesting that that colossal moron makes his return, What’s different, hmmm…?

Obviously Ms. Hatoyama is a big fan of “Kung Pow, Enter the Fist.” Triangle shaped French alien space craft, she’s especially fond of Tonguey oww…we… snort, snort…

Robots are people too!

Lobster, lobster umm… yummy with drawn butter.

Hitler in a sex tape, no big whoop there, that’s been a popular game with our Sadomasochist – Americans for years, add the King now you’re getting weird.

AndrewPrice said...

JG, "that's not how they roll" -- LOL!

I hope the world is paying attention to science fiction or at least some form of ethics for science, but I suspect they're not. I'm guessing they're going to do whatever they feel like until it all blows up in our faces. That is kind of the regular course of human history.

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, He probably did like Switzerland, but they arrested his son for something. So now it's time to destroy the country.

AndrewPrice said...

Stan, I'm glad to see you're taking all of this in stride. Clearly you will be well prepared to handle The Lobster Holocaust! ;-)

BevfromNYC said...

Now, be fair - he didn't say "destroy" Switzerland, he just said "abolish". That's diff'rent, right? It sounds like a kinder, gentler Qaddafi to me!

And as for Mrs. Japanese First Lady - maybe she meant to say Venice and was just misunderstood.

As for the Lobster Wars, does the State Department know about this? Maybe Obama should appoint a Shellfish Czar to advise him! But then he would need to appoint a "Fruits and Selected Vegetables" Czar and "Bread and Other Grains" Czar too so that the Food Pyramid is well represented in his Administration. Or maybe he should just send Hillary with that "Reset" button.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I like the idea of sending Hillary to Maine with a reset button and telling her to "make peace with the lobsters". Oh my!

patti said...

hitler and atmahdinnerjob (obviously i can't spell): two creepy little dudes in need of having it their way. it's why i eat my burgers at sonic (super sonic double cheese burger, please).

Sanmon said...

All I can say is "I heard it first on Commentarama" You beat Drudge and ATS on these facts.

Sanmon said...

Here is one for the future:

The English Defence League (EDL) has been formed by English people who are tired of our Government letting Terrorists preach Murder on our streets. It is not an act of Fascism to oppose Terrorists and Sharia.

Another outrage was when our troops did a march after they came back from Afghanistan, there they where lined up across the streets shouting all type of insults at people who put there own life on the line.
Please if you come into our country respect our soldiers.

Another thing, just the other day our city councial had to take down every St.georges flag because it might insult the Muslims because the Crusaders wore it on there armour. What the hell is all that about, we are not allowed to fly our own flag in our country because we might upset people.

'Christmas is the pathway to hell': Muslim lawyer's extraordinary rant at 'evil' celebration.'Decorating the house, purchasing Christmas trees or having Christmas turkey meals are completely prohibited by Allah.

AndrewPrice said...

Sanmon, a couple of these came from Drudge. One was CNBC. I don't know how I found the robot thing.

And, of course, I have one advantage over Drudge, I can "speculate". . . ;-)

AndrewPrice said...

Patti, I love that name for Iran's leader -- At-ma-dinnerjob! LOL!

AndrewPrice said...

Sanmon, I've heard bad things about Muslims in England, though I don't have first hand knowledge. I've seen the reports of creating a separate justice system and I've seen them insulting troops during parades. Despicable.

Sanmon said...

Hey no problem with me if you plagiarize. I still heard it first here :-)

It will be interesting how and when Sharia will be coming to our land. I heard a small quip that it will soon be in consideration with our laws.

patti said...

andrew: oh how i wish i had been clever enough to come with the name, but i swiped it from one of those jay-walking gals that are not the smartest bulbs in the bunch. still, it's funny as hell.

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