Mad-Lib Obama Style

We probably shouldn’t admit this, but someone in the White House sent us an audio recording of our young President going about his daily routine. We thought we’d share the transcript with you.


[Obama’s Voice]

Where did I put that troop plan? There it is. . . no, that’s not it. Oh here it is. . . no this isn’t it either. Must have left it in Copenhagen.

Hey, what’s this? A ‘Mad-Lib.’ I remember these from my youth. We used to do these in the madrassas between prayers. I wonder how this got here? Oh well, never turn down a lucky find, or a Nobel Prize! *chuckles*

Let’s see, how does this work again? ‘Read the clues and insert words, then flip the page and read the finished product.’ Great, I. . . uh, I’m great at reading.

Ok, the first one. Name someone with whom you disagree? Those. . . who. . . oppose. . . Wait! *scratching noise* I’ve got a better one: Pe. . .losi.

Name something people cherish? Healthcare. That seems important to people.

A body part. Heh heh. . . a butt.

Another body part. Brain.

Let’s see, something you say when you’re upset. Screw you.

Oh man there are a lot of these. Heart, brain, sewage, flatulence. If I’d known it took this much work, I wouldn’t have started. Something long? Let’s keep to the theme -- stool sample. No, better just put ‘stool’. . . just in case this ends up in the Presidential archives like that damn coloring book. Ok, just a few more. Drunk, socks, gunk.

Enough. Time to read. Ok. . . Man, that’s hard to read. It might be easier to read on the old teleprompter.

*clicking noise*

That’s better. Let’s see. . .

All the Whos down in Whoville liked Healthcare a lot,
But the Pelosi, who lived just west of Whoville, did not.

*chuckles* Isn’t that the truth?!

The Pelosi hated healthcare, all without reason.
Oh, please don’t ask why, there’s no reason you would believe in.
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
Or maybe her butt wasn’t screwed on just right.
But I think that the best reason of all
May have been that her brain was two sizes too small.

*chuckles* Really nailed her!

Think I’ll skip ahead. . . took away health care. . . taxed the Whos. . . yada yada yada. Here we go.

They're finding out now that no Healthcare is coming.
They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do.
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry, "Screw you!"

This is amazing. It’s like this book can tell the future! I should get Rahm to read this when he gets back from having his rear end waxed.

You're a monster, Ms. Pelosi.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of sewage.
You've got flatulence in your soul.
Ms. Pelosi. I wouldn't touch you, with a...thirty-nine-and-a-half foot stool.

*chuckles* All that college stuff finally pays off!

You're a foul one, Ms. Pelosi.
You're a nasty, wasty drunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks.
Your soul is full of gunk.

And she’s got a lot of junk in the trunk, magic book!

[Outside voices]

Oh shoot, someone’s coming, better look busy. Ah, yeah, I think 30,000 more troops should be good. That’ll show those Romanians who’s boss. Who says I can't make a decision?!



That’s where the tape cut out. We don’t quite know what to make of it yet, but if we reach any conclusions (or if we invade Romania), we’ll let you know.