DC Statehood Dies. . . Again (Yay!)

It looks like the issue of statehood for the District of Columbia has died for the year. Good. This thing needs to die finally and stay dead. Unfortunately, it keeps coming back and some Republicans mistakenly support this policy because they think this will somehow endear them to blacks. This is a horrible idea. Let me tell you what we should do instead.

Why The Democrats Want Statehood

Every year, the Democrats try to push through statehood for the District of Columbia. Why would they want this? Try this, it’s 80% Democratic. Moreover, they’re loony Democrats. Nancy Pelosi would be considered a moderate in DC. It’s the kind of place where nepotism runs deep, the police force hires criminals, criminals walk away from jail and no one cares, potholes thrive, snow only gets removed from privileged streets, the politicians are drug addicts and thieves, and the residents fight about whether particular candidates are “black enough”. . . all of the common characteristics of the worst banana republics. And if the District gets statehood, they would get two guaranteed Senate seats and probably three guaranteed House seats.

Why in the world would any Republican agree with that? Because they’re misguided.

Some Republicans see this as a way to show blacks that they aren’t racists. Talk about a stupid idea. I’ve talked about minority outreach before. If you want to reach out to minorities, you need to actually do it -- empty gestures, no matter how destructive to the nation and the party, simply are not enough. It’s time to stop viewing blacks as a group. Treat them like everyone else. Reach out to the ones who share our values and forget the rest. Stop trying to placate the ones you’ll never get. And holy cow, don’t give the Democrats two permanent Senate seats just to prove something that no one reputable believes anyway!

Even talk about giving Utah an additional House seat in exchange does nothing to offset this disaster.

Fortunately, the primary Republican offender on this point, Tom Davis of Northern Virginia has resigned. Davis got swept into the House in 1994 and he’s a turd. Since he’s been in the House, he has been the biggest proponent of increasing government pay and DC statehood in the Republican Party. Good riddance jerk off.

Why The “Moral” Argument For Statehood Is Crap

Proponents of statehood love to whine that there are all these poor people in the District who aren’t represented. They don’t get the vote, just like every other American. Boo hoo hoo. Well. . . move.

It’s not like we conquered the District and took away their votes. There’s no fence to keep them in. Everyone who lives there lives there by choice. They knew they would not have the vote when they got there and they know they won't get it if they stay. And if they want to vote, they can move a couple miles away to Maryland.

What Republicans Should Do

And that brings me to the solution. Rather than letting this issue drag on year after year with the danger that the Democrats some day might actually get statehood for DC (like they could have done this year if their leaders weren’t morons), let’s put an end to this charade once and for all:

Take the part of the District that includes the monuments and the neighboring government offices. No one lives there. Carve that out as the District of Columbia. Take the rest and hand it back to Maryland, from whence it came. Maryland, like the District is hopelessly corrupt and Democratic, so the former residents of the District will feel quite at home. Moreover, the District would fit in well with Maryland. In fact, when you are in it, you have no idea where DC stops and Maryland begins. They are identical twins separated at birth. Let’s reunite them. . . think of the children!

So I say, spin them off to Maryland and put this issue to bed before some Democrat actually gets this monster pushed through.

And while we’re at it. . . Hawaiian independence is looking pretty good. It’s the right thing to do. Sure, the Senate would lose two Democrats, but that's a small price to pay for undoing our evil colonial past! Heck, breaking California into two parts sounds pretty good too -- west coast and everything else. Maybe we need a new state right between Texas and Oklahoma?

Come on Republicans, think globally act locally.