Thursday, December 2, 2010

MSM Advice to Obama: Work Miracles

One thing that makes blogging easy is that the MSM keeps on saying stupid things. This time, it’s US News. They’ve put together a ten point list of things they think Obama needs to do to win back the public. While I’m sure the list sounded good to them when they made it, it only takes a moment’s analysis to realize just how goofy the list really is.

Point 1: Lighten up. US News begins their list by suggesting that Mr. Cool has lost the public because he just doesn’t seem fun enough. So they recommend that he (and no, I’m not making this up) “take off the robot mask and show some humor” by playing football on the South Lawn with Bo. So a man who is criticized for spending his days playing golf, who was laughed at for throwing like a girl, and who needs stitches after playing basketball should now walk onto his front lawn and throw a football at his dog? Why does that sound like a PR disaster in the making? As an alternative, they suggest he could “whiff a soccer ball” playing with Malia. Yeah, that’s a great idea. First of all, a “whiff” means to miss. Secondly, soccer is hated in this country as a Euro-elite sports. Do you really think that will endear him to Americans?

Point 2: Utilize the First Lady. Right, use your wife. US News suggests that Obama hide behind Michelle’s relative popularity by putting her in charge of finding jobs for women. Of course, she’s not that popular, nor does she know anything about finding jobs, and so far her record on projects is pretty darn poor. In fact, she's done so little they should change her name to the First Lazy. Seriously, what has she done since moving into the White House except spend our money on expensive vacations?

Point 3: Feel Our Economic Pain. This one you have to read to believe: “spend some nights in the homes of regular folks and skip the fancy restaurants for Denny’s.” Yes, my peons, I will sleep in your hovels to show you that I am not an elitist. Also, what do you think it would take to get Michelle into a Denny’s? And isn’t Denny’s supposed to be a racist restaurant anyways? How did US News miss that?

Point 4: Concentrate on Job Numbers. This time they want him to create an employment program “where new jobs can be accurately calculated.” Two problems. First, no one will ever believe another number he says. Secondly, what in the world makes them think he can create a single job? Maybe he should also speed up the harvest or teleport Luke off that rock?

Point 5: Promote Healthcare Reform. Right, because people were angry that they didn’t know anything about ObamaCare. Me thinks the real problem was they knew too much! In any event, there is something I like in point 5 -- they want Obama to “take whatever healthcare deal you can get” and then promote the heck out of it. I like that. He should sign on to CommentaramaCare.

Point 6: Hit the Campaign Trail. That’s right, they want him to go campaign for “troubled Democrats”. . . because this worked so well before the election. They also want him to “frame the issues in a populist manner.” Right, because nothing says “vote for me” like an elitist pretending to be a man of the people looking to strike a blow for the common man against the titans of American industry. I’d name someone this worked for, but the only name that comes to mind is Lenin. . . and not the musical one.

Point 7: Tax Cuts. Extend tax cuts to those Americans making less than $250,000. This one’s legit for some of his base (the rest oppose all tax cuts), so I’ll credit US News with a 0.5 out of 7 so far. Of course, this will do nothing to win over the rest of the public, who seem to realize that those rotten “rich” do silly things like hire the poor and buy the stuff they make.

Point 8: Fulfill Promises on Iraq and Gitmo. Wait a minute, I thought he’d already fulfilled his promises on Iraq? I guess the Democrats misinformed me? As for Gitmo, um.... no one really cares about that, and trying to bring those idiots to US prisons will just pick at an old wound.

Point 9: Seize Voter Anger. Yikes. “Steer anger to a new ‘economic populism’. . . talk about the patriotism of shared sacrifice for the common good.” I can see it now: exterior scene, Obama standing on the balcony of the most posh hotel in town, as rows of economic glitterati stand beneath him cheering. “I know you hate me, but you shouldn’t hate me, you should hate bankers and CEOs and anyone who makes more money than you do! Let’s kill them all! In the name of the common good, take only what you need and give according to your abilities. . . and never forget to hate, hate like a thousand suns. We are the greatest Muslim nation on Earth because we hate and we have the freedom to hate. . . but don’t hate me, hate everyone else.” Maybe Joe Biden should test run that speech first.

Point 10: Name Oprah as a Domestic Envoy. Are you kidding me? Since when does the President need an envoy to meet with the American people? And if he does, who represents us in this meeting? I’d like to cast a vote for Hannibal Lecter, that might make the meeting more interesting. Also, isn’t Oprah passé now? He should appoint Judge Judy. . . wait, she’s on the Supreme Court now, right?

There you have it, the “thinking” liberal’s plan to save Obama. All I can say is that if you’re paying for US News, you’re being robbed.

34 comments:

Tennessee Jed said...

OMG, I haven't had such a good laugh in a while. I guess the question to ask is "what idiot wrote this piece and why is this news weekly still being published, and why is Andrew reading it?"

Seriously, it does bother me that main stream news weeklies have so gone in the tank for liberalism that they don't even try to pretend to be objective anymore. It is just like Hollywood. I feel like the libs are robbing me of my culural heritage.

"Utolize the first lady" ah geez, you would think they would realize that after their failed attempt to make her into the second coming of Jackie O., and after she pissed everybody off with her Five star European Vacation, even the idiots at USN&WR would know better.

Patti said...

they want him to seize our anger too?! note to barry and crew: HANDS OF MY ANGER!

this entire list made gave me my day's first LOL. who the hell are these people that think sending in the clowns, um, michelle, is a good idea? or that promoting healthcare would be a good way to go when the majority of americans want it repealed?

it continues to highlight the MSM's position of being a blind shill for barry. americans see right thru this waste of ink.

just as we worked towards the successful november midterm elections, we must work to oust barry in 2012.

Tennessee Jed said...

Patti: I believe the exact response would be: "touch my anger and I'll have you arrested!" ;D

patti said...

jed: LOL! exactly. wonder if they realize i cling to my anger in the same way as my guns and religion...

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, It was a joint effort by their political staff. Several of them contributed the ideas and they put the name of each person under the particular idea.

I ran across this from a link at Politico (just one that said, "everyone has advice for Obama") and I enjoyed the article thoroughly -- because, like you, I thought it was one of the funniest things I'd read in a long time.

I agree with you about feeling robbed. Hollywood and the media were such strong pillars of our culture and they seem to have been corroded to the point that I can't stand either. They've become nothing more than factories of idiocy and propaganda. It's rather annoying.

AndrewPrice said...

Patti, "keep your hands off my anger" -- LOL!

I'm glad you enjoyed the list! I certainly did.

I think it's hilarious that they are so blind that they'd even see how bad their advice is. If you had to sum this list up in a couple points, it basically comes down to "be more likable," "start making your policies work," and "don't just be a liberal, but be an angry liberal." Good luck with any of that.

First, his policies don't work and that's the problem. Secondly, what makes them think we will like a lazy AND angry president.... especially one who sleeps in our homes! Good grief!

AndrewPrice said...

Patti and Jed, Before Obama I always thought of a "Clinger" as a character from MASH. Now I know better... they are us! :-)

LawHawkRFD said...

Andrew: Point 11--Quit! Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

CrisD said...

you have really out done yourself by sharing this.
You will not be able to top it!
lol.

AndrewPrice said...

Lawhawk, Now THAT would have changed my opinion of the entire article! That would have been a real winner! LOL!

AndrewPrice said...

CrisD, Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! I really did enjoy writing it! :-)

Ed said...

This is hilarious! I seriously laughed out loud over and over! You have a real career as a comedian if you want one!

Dane said...

Once again, the lame stream media goes in the tank for Obama. As if the real problem was that we just didn't like him personally. Bull. We don't like anything he's done.

AndrewPrice said...

Thanks Ed! I would love to give something like a non-liberal version of SNL a chance. But I doubt they would actually hire a non-liberal! :-(

AndrewPrice said...

Dane, Their thinking is obviously wrong -- they don't get that his policies have failed and have infuriated the public. But at least they are acknowledging that he's failed. That's a big step up for them!

Dane said...

That's true, but they still keep right on saying that what he need to do to improve is to be more liberal, only likeable this time.

AndrewPrice said...

Dane, I agree, but that's also what makes their advice so ludicrous -- it's completely lost touch with reality.

BevfromNYC said...

Patti - I spit up when I read your comment! It's true - Now he wants to seize our anger too! Bad enough I can't get a decent Louis Vuitton knock off online anymore, but now this!

Andrew! Once again you've outdone yourself. Hysterical, but I have a few questions and comments -

1 Lighten Up - He's already such a lightweight he's practically floating. Maybe he could wear a suit-n-tie once in while.

2. Utilize the First Lady - You are being unfair. Michelle has planted organic vegetables in the tainted soil of the Whitehouse garden (tainted by the Clinton's btw) between lavish vacations! Btw, when they discovered that the soil was tainted, they sent their first vegetable harvest to a homeless shelter...hmmmm.

3. Feel our Economic Pain - STOP SPENDING OUR MONEY ON VACATIONS AND 10-DAY JUNKETS TO ASIA! Think Tele-Conference!

Skipping to the end -

Point 10 - Oprah - IF he does appoint Oprah, does that mean she might give us all her "Favorite Things"? That would make me like Obama a whole lot more!! Free cars for everyone!! Heck, we already own GM anyway.

BevfromNYC said...

Lawhawk - I love your #11, but remember, then we would be stuck with President Biden.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Thanks! :-) And excellent points.

1. We do own GM, why aren't they handing out free cars to us?

2. That is true, Michelle did grow that miracle garden! Didn't it go from dead to rain forest in something like two days?

3. You're right about him being a light weight. In fact, if he got any lighter, he would probably float off.

As for our economic pain, he'll never feel our economic pain because he's never had to hold a job -- he's always lived off the public trough. He can't sympathize with concerns like losing your job or your company going under. And great point on the teleconferences! Everyone is cutting costs, especially travel, and here is Obama taking half the military with him whenever he goes! Unbelievable!

Finally, the suit thing bothers me. When you represent something like the US, the least you can do it look the part. He doesn't have to sleep in a suit, but he should look professional in his public appearances. . . and he rare does.

StanH said...

In a word “delusional!” My God these people are utterly clueless. I hope he takes their advice, we need all the help we can get finishing off Barry and his Bolsheviks in 2012.

Funny piece.

rlaWTX said...

isn't "anger" one of the BAD things? didn't they campaign against anger during the midterms?

as for the rest - your comments are better than mine!

AndrewPrice said...

Stan, I hope he takes this advice too. That would pretty much make 2012 a sure thing for the Republicans. And you're right, "delusional" is the perfect word for this. None of this makes any sense. Oh well.

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, Anger is only bad when it's anger liberals don't like. If they like the anger, then it's justified and in fact become an expression of passion.

What fascinates me here is not only how they urge him to adopt "anger" -- which is, as you note, generally a bad thing. But they are very cynical about it. In other words, they don't tell him to express his anger, they tell him to co-opt other people's anger. That's actually kind of twisted.

Ponderosa said...

And you thought the GOP roadmap was lame...

9.8%! Yeah baby!

AndrewPrice said...

Ponderosa, we should all celebrate 9.8%. . . it's an Obama miracle!

DUQ said...

I'm with Stan, I hope he follows this advice.

AndrewPrice said...

DUQ, That would make me happy too. ;-)

DUQ said...

I don't know why I have such inconsistency in getting my avatar to show up. Sorry!

CrispyRice said...

This was great! Nothing like a good Star Wars reference. ;)

And as much as I love Denny's, let's face it, they're not known for the health food, thus precluding any potential visit by Michelle!

AndrewPrice said...

That's ok DUQ. We'll let you comment either way.

Other people have reported similar problems. I honestly don't know why. You would think Google could keep you signed in?

AndrewPrice said...

Crispy, I suspect the health food angle is a facade. Michelle is the 2010 version of the Junk Food Junkie!

And there's always time for a Star War reference!

Ed said...

SNL should hire you, seriously.

AndrewPrice said...

Feel free to have them call me! LOL!

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