Our Dear Andrew is feeling under the weather. But as they say, laughter is the best medicine, so let's make Andrew laugh, so he can get better faster! Does anyone know any good jokes, funny stories, or maybe a limerick or two? (PG-rated, please)
Well, if not, then maybe Joe Biden can help out. He's always good for a a few laughs, right?
So in the latest installment of "Caption This"...well, hmmm, caption this! Remember the idea is to make Andrew laugh! Not only will you win big prizes, but mostly you will be doing a public service to help Andrew get better faster, so he won't be at the mercy of Obamacare!
Well, if not, then maybe Joe Biden can help out. He's always good for a a few laughs, right?
So in the latest installment of "Caption This"...well, hmmm, caption this! Remember the idea is to make Andrew laugh! Not only will you win big prizes, but mostly you will be doing a public service to help Andrew get better faster, so he won't be at the mercy of Obamacare!
49 comments:
"AAUGGHH!!! They put my new hair plugs in backwards... again!!"
"I will now contact the spirit of Gomer Pyle for guidance..."
I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while
my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
LOL to all!! A few more like these and Andrew will be on the road to recovery!
"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 3..."
Bev, "I'm thinking of number between 1 and 2."
"Whoa, hold on... my Jackass Sense (tm) is tingling!"
Mr. President, did you say to count backwards from 1 billion, or start with 1? Mr. President ...?
"AAAIIIEEE! Milton Friedman!! GetOuttaMyHead-GetOuttaMyHead-GetOuttaMyHead-GetOuttaMyHead!!!"
Can I be POTUS in 2016 if I throw Hillary under the bus for Benghazi?
.....At the Vice Presidential debate:
"Mr. Vice President?" "Who is buried in Grant's tomb?"
(Joe Biden's brain)...."Oh Dear God not another history question!"
I hope the neighbors don't find out it was me that shot their cat...I didn't know he was in the tree above my house..How was I supposed to know it wasn't a prowler?
"How is it possible that we won AGAIN??? We are so BAD at this. I tried everything I could to stop it. I said all of the stupidest things I could think of! What more could I have done?"
This is off topic, but I've had a videogame idea. It's a sort of a first-person shooter called "G. Oogle Glass."
You are wearing a pair of glasses that are connected to the internet and let you do all kinds of things non-assh*les wouldn't do in public: unknowingly taking pictures of people, recording conversations without permission, pirating films, cheating in casinos, porn, etc.
These glasses are vital to your character's lifeforce because you are really pathetic... you're like a zombie that thinks he's clever. You have three energy bars which reflect this: Perving, Nerding, and Invasion of Privacy. As you walk around the city, you recharge these energy bars by running into things that refresh them. For example, recording an intimate conversation in a restaurant between a couple about their marriage is major privacy points, recording a ten year old kid in the bathroom is major perving, etc.
To get around the city, you need money. You get that money by having people punch the crap out of you and then you sue the maker of the glasses... Google.... oops, Ooogle.
Fortunately, no one is asinine enough to create such a thing.
"G. Oogle Glass - The Videogame" Brilliant! However, I think you're having a fever-induced hallucination. That's not a videogame, that is real life...;-)
Yikes! I knew something seemed a little too real. ;P
I'll tell you, I've been reading about these things and they really are beyond obnoxious.
Andrew - Not to sound like an old fogey, but I don't understand WHY anyone would wear these. It is obnoxious and at the very least way too distracting to be practical. Though,maybe if you are paralyzed and only have eye movement available to you, it could be a huge plus.
"maybe if you are paralyzed and only have eye movement available to you, it could be a huge plus"
That is the only reason I would have to wear one.
Or if I was a spy. ;)
Bev, As near as I can tell, it's all about being hip and about attention deficit disorder.
Kit, They're going to be great for pervs.
Here's one satisfied customer... and another...
Somehow, I don't think it's going to be that exciting.
"Don't make me angreeee...you won't like me when I'm angreeee...!"
Secret Service Guy: "Uh, Mr. Vice President, you've been trying to imitate Bill Bixby for an hour now. Maybe you should, uh, get on with your Danville Apology Tour speech..?"
"Don't make me angry!"
Secret Service: Okay, Mr. Vice President, one more time. It's really not a trick question. I am thinking of a number between 1 and 3
VP Biden: Okay, this may be a tough-y. I....am...reading yoooouuurrr miiiiinnnddd. Whaat number are you thinking of...hmmmm. Sorry. You must be really good at blocking my thoughts. I can't read a thing...
Countdown to Catastrophe
JULY 16, 1914 (99 years ago today…)
In France, French President Raymond Poincare and Prime Minister Rene Viviani embark on a four-and-a-half day cruise to visit the leaders of France’s ally, Russia, in St. Petersburg.
In Austria-Hungary, Russian Ambassador to Austria Nikolai Shebeko sends off a report to the Russian capital, noting that many Austro-Hungarian soldiers are still on ‘harvest leave’ and that most officers are on vacation. So far, nothing out of the ordinary.
However, British Ambassador to Austria, Sir Maurice de Bunsen, is filing a report based on the meeting he had yesterday with retired Austrian diplomat Count Heinrich von Lutzow. He tells the British Foreign Office that a ‘friend’ informed him that “a kind of indictment is being prepared against the Serbian Government for alleged complicity in the conspiracy which led to the assassination of the Archduke.” This comes just as the Times of London denounces the anti-Austrian attitude of the Serbian press.
De Bunsen then gives the information to his friend, Shebeko (presumably after the latter sent his earlier dispatch). Shebeko then wires this information to his superiors, noting that he has not independently confirmed it and only wants to keep them informed. (Because of the limitations of the telegraph system and the laborious processes of coding and decoding, the message won’t be received until the next day.) However, it may already be old news.
That evening, the Russian Foreign Ministry’s Chief of Staff, Baron Moritz Schilling, (filling in for Foreign Minister Sergei Sazonov, who is at his country estate), meets with Italian Ambassador to Russia, Marquis Carl Carlotti di Riparbella. Carlotti tells Schilling that there’s rumor afoot that Austria make take action against Serbia on the belief that Russia won’t do anything more than issue a verbal protest. Schilling disagrees, saying that Russia would never allow something like that to happen to Serbia. Schilling then suggests it might be a good idea for either Italy (a marginal ally of Austria), or better yet, Germany (a full ally), to relay such a message (of Russian intentions) to Vienna. If Russia were to do it directly, it may be interpreted as a threat and only make things worse. He then stops himself and backpedals. As chief of staff, he’s not allowed to dictate his country’s foreign policy. (That’s Sazonov’s job.) Instead, he decides to pass Carlotti’s information on to Sazonov as soon as the boss gets back from vacation.
Almost missed it, my friend! 3 minutes... ;P
Ah, man! I'm becoming as lax as these diplomats I'm reading about!
That's what I was thinking. A few more minutes and we might have found ourselves in Blog War III totally by accident!
Blog War III?! You mean I missed Blog War II? What a shame... Who won?
An alliance between DunkinDonuts.com and Bobsdiscounturanium.boom.
So much for my misguided faith in the coalition of AngryCriticsAnonymous.net and ConspiraciesTheroiesAPlenty.com. Ah, they were losers to begin with.
Yeah, they were overrun in a few days by PlacesGermansCanMarch.com.
True, but we cannot dismiss how everything was prolonged by the intervention of RussianDeskBashingShoes.net. Man, those guys can howl- even in text!
Aren't they also the owners of SplittingPolandforFunAndProfit.ru-de
They used to be. Seems one of the owners foolishly let his daughter borrow a credit card for a weekend. They ended up selling about half their shares to WallBuildersofBerlinRUs.com.
Yeah, that caused their bankruptcy. Then all their employees fled to RottenCollegeCommie.edu and barackobama.com.
I hear those guys are outsourcing to ForgetYourProblemsAndBecomeAProProtester.com and MoneyForNothing.edu.
I read about that at ThisFreeLunchHasNoCookie.com and I hear a lot of them are now subscribers to ObamaCareDoesWhatToMe.fu.
I think I saw the report at WhyIsThePresidentsHandInMyWallet.com. However, it seems to be taken down. I'm guessing a brief was filed by AntiPresidentialInsult.net (itself rumored to be the militant wing of YouDidntBuildThat.com.)
Yep, but they changed their url recently to SnitchAndSnoop.GOV.
Well, that explains why the last time I went to their site all I found was a link for OvalOfficeGolfingForDummies.gov.(There seems to be an 'Idiot's Guide' site out there as well.)
Yeah, somebody actually put out a joke book: "Voting For Dummies" and, unfortunately, sixty million people didn't realize it was a joke and they elected Obama. :(
Anyway, I am off for the night! Good luck cruising the net!
It was a good evening, my friend! Please continue to get better!
It was indeed! Thanks. I'm getting better all the time. :)
Bravo to Rustbelt and Andrew (who I hope is feeling better!) THAT was the best comedy run we have ever had!
Thanks Bev! I'm working on it. It's coming along slowly. :(
Awesome. You guys kept it up for an hour. Great wit.
Bev, Koshcat... Andrew and I were just having some good, old-fashioned fun. (Something liberals will never be able to truly enjoy.)
And just to make sure I'm not trying to beat the clock tonight...
Countdown to Catastrophe
JULY 17, 1914 (99 years ago today…)
More information arrives at the Russian Foreign Office. Chief of Staff Schilling receives Ambassador Shebeko’s report from Vienna. In it, Shebeko asks Russian Foreign Minister Sazonov to inform the Austrian government that a harsh ultimatum levied against Serbia would be unacceptable as far as Russia is concerned. In addition, Russian cryptographers (having broken some of Austria’s diplomatic codes over the last few years), have intercepted several curious dispatches between Vienna and St. Petersburg over the last few days. In them, Berchtold asked his embassy when the French president and prime minister were due to arrive at and then leave the Russian capital.
Schilling’s office then gets a request from Austrian Ambassador to Russia, Count Friedrich Szapary. He wants to meet with Sazonov “as soon as possible,” though he doesn’t say why. Schilling tells him that Sazonov is still out of town, but that Russia’s Foreign Minister is due back at Chorister’s Bridge* tomorrow. He schedules Szapary for an 11 A.M. meeting with Sazonov.
Meanwhile, back in Vienna, British Ambassador de Bunsen meets with Berchtold, seemingly to follow up on what he learned from Lutzow. Amazingly, neither man brings up the question of Serbia. Instead, Berchtold charms de Bunsen, talking instead about a horse race that a few of the Austrian Foreign Minister’s own horses will be running in. De Bunsen, it seems, decides there was nothing to what Lutzow may have heard. He tells Whitehall** not to bother with his earlier report. In his latest cable, he says that Berchtold is too timid and Emperor Franz Joseph too cautious to do such a thing. Seemingly satisfied for the moment, the British Foreign Office does not order de Bunsen to pursue the matter. Later that day, in London, while delivering the annual speech on the current state of the British economy at Mansion House***, Chancellor of the Exchequer David Lloyd George downplays any rumors of a pending European war.
*- Chorister’s Bridge: headquarters of the Russian Foreign Ministry in St. Petersburg
**-Whitehall: headquarters of the British Foreign Office in London
***-Mansion House: official home of the mayor of London
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