Hillary has written a book. Actually, I guess she’s contributed to a book. The book is a feminist rant compiled by the leftist Center for American Progress and Maria Shriver, the former sex toy of the Guvernator. What I’ve seen written-up about the book and Hillary’s contribution is well worth mocking, so get your waders on, we’re going in!!
● Mock One: Hillary writes that “the clock is turning back on women across America.” If she was referring to the annoyance that is Daylight Savings Time, I would agree with her, but she’s not. No. Instead, Hillary is channeling a feminist jerk off fantasy in which Rick Santorum gets his way and women everywhere are turned into chattel without the right to have jobs or have sex for purposes other than procreation... because Rick finds sex with women to be “yucky.”
This is, of course, high-grade idiocy... 93.1% pure in fact. Indeed, a recent survey by Pew found that while women still earn only 84% of what men earn, the difference fell to 93% among Millennials, and only 15% of women felt they had been discriminated against personally. So our expert, the woman we are trusting to diagnose the problem and sell us a solution to fix that problem, is absolutely wrong. Nice start, Hillary.
● Mock Two: I am so sick of idiots with no sense of perspective. Hillary is apparently one of them. Check out this verbal dipshitage that came out of her enfecaled mind:
“I think of the extraordinary sacrifices my mother made to survive her own difficult childhood, to give me not only life but also opportunity, along with love and inspiration.”Hmm. Did Hillary’s mom fight tigers to protect her little crumb snatcher? No. Was Hillary’s mom threatened with stoning for trying to educate Hillary? Threatened with death for driving her to and from the trailer park? Forced to submit to her husband upon pain of death? Did she have her genitals mutilated? Was her job taken away by fundamentalists? Was she forced to wear the ceremonial mumu? Did she live on $0.10 a day as Sally Struthers lorded a box of Twinkies over her? Ha...ardly. Hillary’s mom doesn’t know what sacrifice is and, therefore, little Hillary lacks perspective. Should we really trust someone who can’t tell the difference between a bullet and a harshly worded letter to run our government?
Oh, and your mom didn’t love you, Hillary... love doesn’t run your family... opportunism does. Why else do you think you married Bill?
● Mock Three: Hillary tells us that she’s very proud of her daughter and “I look at all these young women I’ve been privileged to work with or know through Chelsea, and it’s hard to imagine turning the clock back on them.” Yeah, it's hard to imagine because it won’t happen. You’re suffering from what psychologists call, “A worldview based on absolute bullsh*t and paranoia.”
But I’m more interested in the first part of this quote. What exactly is Chelsea doing that is helping Hillary meet young women? Is she a pimp?
Also, does Hillary really not understand that her little pumpkin, who is named for a British soccer team, isn’t exactly meeting all these young, hot, virile women Hillary finds so impressive because of her own skills? No. It’s called Nepotism. Without Hillary’s political connections, Chelsea would need to make it on her own talents and those seem to be limited to... well, we haven’t found one yet. Can we really trust a woman who can’t tell the difference between someone who earned their accolades and someone who happens to have well-connected family? This woman is not a good judge of character.
● Mock Four: In her scribblings, Hillary points to “a wide range of issues” that have stymied the sans-penis class. In particular, she points to “pay equity to work-family balance to life expectancy as areas where women in the United States still face problems.” Oh oh.
I suppose it never occurred to Hillary that number two causes number one? It seems to have finally occurred to everyone else. But more interestingly, did she really say “life expectancy”? Oh, heavens! Those evil Republicans are trying to destroy women's genes to kill them off younger than they should otherwise die! Boo hoo hoo!
Good grief. Women live LONGER than men. Yes. Women live 81 years compared to 76 for men on average... five years longer. So what is the problem? Is Hillary so bad with obvious facts or is this like Obamacare where Obama's real goal was apparently to strip more people of insurance than help them? Look out ladies, Hillary wants to shorten your lives on average by five years.
Do you know how she’s going to do it? I do. This is all part of one plan. She’s going to make you work longer hours, sacrificing family for work, so as to close the pay gap. The misery that generates will shorten your lifespans by five years. Perfect. Total equality. All you need to do is live less fulfilled and shorter lives. Hell, I’m on board... “Hillary 2016, because women have it too damn good.”
● Mock Five: Other contributors to Hillary’s little book include Beyonce, who is best known for selling her breasts to the public, Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg, who is best known for being an elitist and for being too cheap to pay interns, Kristen Gillibrand, who is a far-left ideologue in the Senate and possible challenger to Hillary, and LebRon James, who is best known as one of the greatest villains basketball has ever produced. I guess Hitler’s ghost, Lindsay Lohan and Heidi Fleiss were busy.
● Mock Six: Clinton has launched an initiative called, “No Ceilings,” which also means no second floors and no protection from the rain. This group, apparently, “makes the case ... from the global perspective of why empowering women at all levels of the economic strata is usually helpful to the debate.”
How inspiring. So let me get this straight. Rather than helping women at the bottom improve their lives, the goal is to "empower" them. Yep. She doesn’t want to improve their lives, their security, their families or anything that really matters to them personally... no. She just wants to "empower" them because that "usually" helps. And how does it help? It helps the debate. What debate? Is this the one in Hillary's head where she argues with us that we need to stop burning women at the stake? Or is she talking about some actual debate? Perhaps she means her nightly debates with Rick Santorum... they swap nights sleeping under each other's beds. Oh come on, you know they're the perfect couple.
Anyway, her goal is to help some debate rather than help women in any meaningful way and her goal is apparently worldwide, though I’m not sure why. We all know that everywhere that Islam treads, women are worshiped like Goddesses. And in Europe, well, let’s just say the men carry purses for a reason. So what is she upset about? Perhaps evil macho countries like India, Argentina, Nicaragua, Brazil, Indonesia, Chile, Liberia and others, where women have no rights and cannot rise above simple galley wenches... unless they find themselves elected President or Prime Minister as they have in each of those backward macho hellholes. Yes, Hillary could teach a lot to Cristina Kirchner in Argentina or Dilma Rousseff in Brazil about how these women could succeed if only they would follow her lead.
Yeah, you go girl.
● Mock Seven: Finally, in all seriousness, Hillary lays out the horrific consequences “if we do not continue to campaign for women’s rights and opportunities.” What are those consequences? Prepare to weep uncontrollably: “The world we want to live in – and the country we all love and cherish – will not be what it should be.” Damn that’s horrifying!!!
Imagine a world in which our country was not what it should be. I mean, think about it. Imagine a world in which the wrong policies of evil men caused unemployment to be higher than it should be, raised taxes on the poor and middle classes more than they should, caused employers to drop their health insurance benefits, caused insurers to dump their plans, spent so much money on gifts to their cronies that the government became effectively broke, declared that civil rights laws only applied to certain races, etc. Imagine a world in which women can no longer get their tear-stained hands on 17 oz. cups! The horror... the horror!
Anyways, what this book tell us is that Hillary remains a woman without substance. She doesn’t want to help you, she wants to use you to talk. She sees things that aren’t broken as crises, ignores genuine crises, and offers mindless platitudes to solve these non-problems. In effect, she’s a book of procedures offering non-solutions to problems that no longer exist. If I were a liberal, I’d be really worried about backing this particular horse... she’s lame.
40 comments:
Is this what the 90s were like?
Uh...Kit, if you can picture everyone who thought like this standing around to "Smells Like Team Spirit," suddenly breaking into a round of the Macarena, and then debating whether Leo and Kate or the perpetrator behind the shooting of Mr. Burns was most compelling...and you pretty much have the 90's in a nutshell.
Oh, and MST3K was on and Dave Letterman was actually funny for at least part of the decade,
Also, did I mention that Bob Dole might have gained some ground in the election if only he'd declared that, "the Gospel according to Dole 3:16 is 'I'm gonna woop Bill Clinton's a$$!'" Hey, it was the Attitude Era.
Kit, Yep. This was the kind of crap coming out of the mouth of Hillary and the rest throughout the 1990s.
Rustbelt, Yeah, the 1990s was the age of middle age boomers standing around at conventions looking extremely uncomfortable as they did the Macarena and then patting themselves on the back for embracing diversity. Blech.
And don't forget Friends.
There was so much anger in this post, I thought Bev wrote it.
Koshcat, I was channeling liberals. Think of it as performance art. :D
Actually, in all seriousness, I feel no anger toward Hillary, I just wonder if there's any substance to her at all. Silliness like this makes me think she doesn't actually stand for anything except victimhood and perpetual talking.
Uh, Koshcat.....HEEEEEY!!! I will deal with you later...
This woman is such a caricature and phony. She's run out of platforms, so I guess it's back to the old "women are second-class citizens" bit to rile up her base before the presidential election.
"Ah ain't in no ways yet tard." Fun post, Andrew. And yet, I find nothing funny about this woman. There are so many otherwise intelligent women who adore this idiot. "I'll accept the blame (but not the responsibility.) She has been great at never getting caught. Let's recap: Rose Law Firm (shady dealings) insider trading, Whitewater, dealing with bimbo eruptions, missing records found in her loset at the W.H., Vince Foster. Phony black dialect, lying about taking fire while landing in Kosovo, crying in New Hampshire, squealing like a witch (don't tell me it's unpatriotic to protest) Oh, and did I mention Benghazi?? If she wins, the daily media tongue bath will make the Obama administration look like Amateur hour. And with the sad, inept quality of the G.O.P. don't for a minute think it could easily happen. "Madame President" and "the historic nature of this presidency" will be offered up on a daily basis. ....... (gagging and vomiting sounds coming from Tenn.)
In fairness, Dorothy Rodham does seem to have had a pretty messed up childhood.
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http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/02/us/dorothy-rodham-mother-of-hillary-clinton-dies-at-92.html?_r=0
Dorothy Emma Howell was born on June 4, 1919, in Chicago, the oldest of two children of Edwin John Howell Jr., a firefighter, and the former Della Murray. Her sister, Isabelle, was born in 1924. They lived as boarders in a house with four other families. The parents fought often and sometimes violently, according to Cook County records of the time.
Mr. Howell sued for divorce, accusing his wife of abandonment and abuse of the children. She did not show up in court; her sister, Frances Czeslawski, testified against her, and Mr. Howell was granted the divorce and custody of the children in 1927. But unwilling or unable to care for them, he put them on a train to Alhambra, Calif., where his parents, Edwin Sr. and Emma, lived.
The grandparents were ill-prepared to raise the girls. Mr. Howell, a laborer for the city, left the task to his wife, whom Mrs. Rodham recalled as a strict woman in black dresses who discouraged visitors and parties and berated and punished them for small infractions. When she discovered that Dorothy had gone trick-or-treating one Halloween, she ordered her confined to her room for a year, except to go to school.
In 1934 Dorothy moved out and became a housekeeper, cook and nanny for a family in San Gabriel. Her employers gave her a room, board and $3 a week and encouraged her to read and go to school. Dorothy enrolled at Alhambra High School, where she joined the Scholarship Club and the Spanish Club.
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That doesn't change the fact that Hillary is a terrible candidate who simply isn't good at stirring people up,. I'm not saying she is an idiot or a terrible person or anything, but if she wasn't Bill Clinton's wife, nobody would be talking about her.
Still, in to paraphrase the old joke about the guys running from the bear ('I don't think I can outrun the bear, but I can outrun you') in a two man race one only needs to beat the other guy.
I think Hillary is a terrible candidate and the right Republican can beat her provided that they run a smart campaign and high profile idiots can refrain from showing their asses.
Anthony - In all fairness and not that I am unsympathetic (despite what Kit may think! ;-P), MANY peoples' parents and grandparents have had hard lives. And many of them were men too. As far as I see it, that is nothing to hang your candidacy on - that your grandmother suffered. My immigrant grandmother started working in sweatshops at 12 year old , but I doubt I could run for anything including President, on that. But then again it is "connect with real people", right?
What the purpose of this book and these statements is the just same theme, different song - "If you don't vote for me you are a sexist". Sound familiar? Hey, it worked for Barack and racism, but he had no political record to speak of. Hillary is much different story, so she has to start early with the "sexism" angle to make sure when questions come up like "How about that Benghazi fiasco, huh? What really happened there?" She can scream "See, it's because I'm a woman that you asked this stupid question, isn't it?"
Bev,
"Despite what Kit may think!"
HEY! :)
Uh, whoopsie! I really meant to direct that at Koshcat...too many "K" names around here. I get confused. [Okay there are only two, but hey, I'm a woman] ;-)
Kit, I wrongly accused you of calling me "angry". In the typical political apology style - "I apologize if you were offended by words attributed to me." :-P
Bev, Unlike Koshcat, I have don't think you have an anger problem...
.... please don't hit me. ;-)
Writer X, She is a caricature. You know what she reminds me of though? The classic political dinosaur. She's stuck in the age of her political prime and she hasn't noticed that the rest of the world has long move on. You see that all the time with very sad political figures, who just can't move their minds into the modern era.
Jed, I'm actually thinking that Hillary can't make it through their primaries. She's too dull and lacks the anger they want. I would bet she trips up like last time.
That said, sadly, yes, there are a lot of people who like her. And the GOP is likely to do their best to make it easy for her if she does survive the primaries.
Excellent list of her shady dealings. Don't forget all the attacks on stay at home mothers, the fact she was just a figurehead under Obama who had all her responsibilities taken away by various special envoys, and her connection to Bill and all his shiftiness.
Anthony, On her mother, that may have been unpleasant, but it hardly compares to genuine suffering -- starvation, surrounded by death, war, true poverty, etc. This is one of those things that bothers me, especially with the Olympics coming up. They're going to tell us about these "brave" athletes who kept on trying to make it to the Olympics despite the fact one of their grandparents died when they were young or despite having the flu at age 5.... and the other anchor is going to nod their head like an idiot and say, "Amazing. How heroic to overcome such tragedy. I know I couldn't have done it." Then I'm going to punch my television.
Anyways, your "outrun the bear" joke is apt. Politics is often about just being the lesser of two evils and if Hillary is lucky, she'll face some pretty evil lessers. Where I think she will have problems though is (1) her utter lack of firebrand charisma, which leaves her open to being replaced in the primary, and (2) she seems to be out-of-touch. In fact, what strikes me with this article is just how out-of-touch she is. She's whining about an agenda that was pushed and finally rejected in the 1990s. Since that time, the agenda (left, right and center) has changed completely. She doesn't seem to have realized that. She's like some GOP candidate who still wants to argue about "Murphy Brown."
Bev, I agree about the grandparents. My grandmother lived in Dresden as it was bombed into oblivion and in the decade that followed. My mother was raised in East Germany under the Russians. I grew up in a trailer park and then a ghetto. I have friends whose parents divorced when they were children. Others died. Millions of people grow up in West Virginia every day. Suffering on that scale is quite common and it's no basis to pick a candidate. What bothers me is when people mistake this for genuine suffering and give it the old, "I don't know how they made through that!" Well, because humans are very resilient and they get used to the world around them very quickly... that's normal, not heroic.
Anyway, I think the purpose of the book is actually to try to revive feminism. Liberal feminism is on the rocks right now and young women are happily running away in droves. I think this is an attempt to get them back onto the reservation. That's why the book is packed with celebrities like Beyonce, Eva Longoria, and Lebron, to try to trick these young women into considering feminism again. I get the sense Hillary isn't really the focus of the book. And can you blame them? I doubt young women look up to her... or even know who she is.
Bev, "I apologize if you were offended by words attributed to me." LOL! Bravo! :)
So if Hillary is removed, who does that leave?
My best guess would be Andrew Cuomo.
*If he does, it will be an upset no one saw coming.
"*If he does, it will be an upset no one saw coming."
Was attached to something on Joe Biden that I cut.
Kit, If I had to guess, I would actually make Cuomo the frontrunner ahead of Hillary. I've said that before and I stick with it. He's been working hard on his "governor" cred while trying periodically to stake out hard left positions. I think he will run to Hillary's left while presenting himself as a more modern, more credible candidate.
The other danger for Hillary is Gillibrant, who has the luxury of being in a Senate that can't do anything. So she can run as far left as she wants right now without the public ever needing to face anything she passes.
Her biggest danger is if a conservative jumps into the race. Then she needs to stay to the right so as not to lose the party moderates while staying far enough left not to let another candidate outflank her on the left. That would prove impossible for her. (None of this would be a problem if she had her own identity, but she doesn't.)
Andrew - That is actually an adaptation of the apology from the Israeli Minister of Defense who called Sec't Kerry "obsessive" and "messianic" in his mission to broker an Israeli/Palestinian agreement. He said that Kerry had been to the region over 10 times in less than a year and has only made demands on Israel and not even spoken to the Palestinians. He said Kerry was "naïve" and "foolhardy" and...“The only thing that might save us is if John Kerry wins the Nobel Prize and leaves us be,”
Of course the Sec't Kerry was furious and the US demanded an apology. And they gave the best political non-apology statements -
“The defense minister had no intention to cause any offense to the secretary, and he apologizes if the secretary was offended by words attributed to the minister,”
It's just the kind of apology that one gets from Democrats and MSNBC hosts...
Bev, That is awesome! That's the most slap-in-the-face apology I've ever seen. It's screams "F-you". LOL!
Bev and Andrew,
To clarify, I'm not arguing that Hillary Clinton's mother had an exceptionally tough life, just that its not pure BS in the same way that say, Hillary's claim she was under fire in Kosovo was.
Also, to be clear, I don't think the claim helps her. It is just the standard line politicians offer to show that they are one with the common man (nobody brags about being born with a silver spoon in their mouths and money never being an object for them). Sometimes the claim is true, sometimes it isn't, but people's support doesn't tend to hinge upon such things.
It would be interesting if a politician went against the grain (F*** you mom, I owe you nothing and all my successes are despite your fumbling incompetence!) though I'd be surprised if said person got real far.
Like I said before, I think Hillary is a weak candidate (I also agree with your observations that she is generic and out of touch) whose big hope is people on the other side being stupid and nobody competent on her side rising up to challenge her.
Cuomo is in trouble right now even though he will win a second term without any trouble at all. He dithers and inexplicably thinks that NY is a low tax/business friendly state. He's got some 'splainin' to do on that one in the coming months.
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D/NY) will NEVER run against Hillary Clinton. She is a party loyalist if there ever was one and she replaced Hillary in the US Senate (not Patterson's first choice). And she is not ready to run. She is just now making a name for herself in the Military Sexual Assault/Harassment investigation and is up and coming in traditional feminist causes, but clearly a single issue politician for now (pay disparity, minimum wage, affirmative action, equal rights amendment redo, paid family leave, etc.)
Andrew - I laughed out loud when I read Israel's "apology". It WAS a giant "F-you" to Kerry (and Obama). **ZING!!** And coming on the heels of the "agreement" with Iran to kind of, but not really end their nuclear program (but not really). I was well stated...
Anthony, I understood you and I agree -- I didn't think you saw that as a reason to support her. This is just Hillary showing us how she came from humble beginnings and that we should see her as a real person rather than as a graduate from an elite school and a big firm lawyer who has been involved in politics her entire life.
And I agree it must have sucked for her mother. But this is a personal pet peeve of mine that society seems to take these claims of "suffering" and act like it's something incredible. Look at how they treat cancer. They talk about people surviving and "never quitting." Quitting? What is quitting? Suicide? You get sick, you take your treatment, life goes on. It sucks, but it's not heroic on a par with genuine heroism -- Navy SEALs fighting to survive, mothers saving their kids from being hacked to death by Hutus, people venturing into natural disaster to save others, starvation, etc. To me, this really cheapens the idea of genuine heroism and genuine suffering. And yet, television hosts gush about the kid who didn't give up when their dog died or their favorite teacher moved and asininely say, "I don't know how they survived!" Pisses me off.
In any event, I think you are right about Hillary, her success will depend on everyone else being weaker.
Bev, Gillibrand's name came up when Warren took her name out of contention. I don't know much about her personally except that she apparently took a hard left turn in the Senate.
On Cuomo, I wouldn't worry too much about specific issues. Being a governor is always a mixed bag and as along as he avoids truly poisonous issues, then he should be ok. So as long as he doesn't utter fail and get tossed out or start signing a lot of right-wing or far-left bills, then he can paint himself as whatever he wants.
From what I've seen, it sounds like he wants to be able to tell the fringe in the primary, "I supported gun control and other liberal ideas," and then he wants to tell the public in the general election, "I worked to cut taxes and cut the excesses of unions (without actually cutting the excesses of unions)."
I think the real question will come down to charisma. Does he project as stronger and more principled (to the left) than Hillary. If he does, he would be the frontrunner in their primary.
Bev, Whoever wrote that apology deserves a bonus.
btw, couldn't a Hilldabeast presidency be challenged successfully on the grounds she already served an 8 year term as co-president?
Cuomo comes with another more interesting problem...his longtime live-in girlfriend, Sandra Lee (Food Network star). It is not really a problem right now because the couple chose not to live in the Gov.'s mansion in Albany. Andrew just uses it during the week.
But I am not sure if having a President (or candidate) with a First Lady who he is openly NOT married to will play outside of Albany. I mean, it's not playing very well in France right now, so I am guessing it won't play well in Dubuque either.
10J - Interestingly, there could be a real challenge to Billy Bob Clinton as "co-President" (because you know he will never be "First Man" in any traditional sense) if you add in all those years he has served as Assistant President to Obama.
Cuomo's name keeps popping up every election cycle (as far back as 1992 IIRC), but nothing ever comes of it. The guy clearly has fans, but I don't think its ever going to happen.
I'm back. Sorry for the delay, had to take someone to the people VET.
Cuomo comes up every election cycle, but this is the first time he's got the resume to really run. So we'll see. On the other hand, his father used to do the same thing -- threaten to run, but never do it. Maybe that runs in the family?
Bev, I suspect that if Cuomo were a Republican, that would be a deal breaker. The religious right in particular would refuse to back him. Can't back someone living in sin, can we? (Unless it's a preacher we like.)
But as a Democrat, I don't think it will hurt him at all. To the contrary, they'll sell it as a plus: "He represents REAL America!" And they'll probably thrill over the first single president ever... even if it's not true.
Andrew - You'd be surprised. New Yorkers were not really cool with Sandra Lee moving into the Governor's Mansion which is why they made the preemptive decision to not move in. And the Obamas are in a quandary about what to do with the President Hollande's visit next month with his First Girlfriend issues going on right now, so even they see it as an issue. I think the American electorate are more likely to vote for a "First Husband" than a "First Mistress".
But that being said, I think you may be right that the Cuomo dynasty have their own issues with decisions on running for higher office anyway. But I bet you a twenty bitcoins that, if Cuomo does decide to run, there will be a wedding plans in the mix somewhere.
Wow, Bev, very, very leading edge comment... bitcoins indeed! :D
That would seem to be the easy answer: get married. I had no idea New Yorkers cared about the issue, especially given their indifference to all the other sexcapades going on in state politics. Maybe they'd be happier if he didn't settle for just one mistress... or if she was a lesbian with an Afro?
Well, I am nothing if not "leading edge"! ;-)
The other issue with this is that it wouldn't play well internationally. An unmarried woman traveling with the President certainly wouldn't play very well with our new Islamic friends.
Bev, Good point. We wouldn't want to insult the Islamics.... actually, yes we should. We should elect a gay Jew as President! :D
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