Bumper stickers are blurbs of “wisdom” which have been dumbed down to the point that any moron can understand them and can think they are bearing witness to something deep. In essence, they are the equivalent of the statements of Confucius or the parables of Jesus.
But there is a problem with bumper stickers. Whereas Confucius and Jesus had fully-realized philosophical theories which they were spreading through their slogans and stories, bumper stickers don’t have such a backing philosophy. To the contrary, bumper stickers are entirely compartmentalized, with each standing on its own without reference to any other bumper sticker and none of them relying on any sort of intellectual reliability.
Hence, it is quite possible to have two bumper stickers that actually express polar opposite thoughts appearing on the same car, just as it’s common for leftists, who have similarly compartmentalized minds, to hold contradictory beliefs. That’s why leftists love bumper sticks.
Anyways, today I want to take down some of the dumber bumper stickers I’ve encountered. Here are some of the ones that always make me shake my head:
● COEXIST: This is a personal favorite of mine. This is usually aimed at Christians by atheists. But Christians, Jews, Buddhists and Hindus all do a pretty good job of coexisting. They seem to respect each others’ religions and tolerate the competition. Sure, there are some crazies, but we’re only talking about a handful.
The problem with coexisting begins when the atheists enter the room. Atheists seem to despise the religions and are constantly using the court system and whatever other powers are available to try to silence them. Failing that, they like to try to shout them down. But the atheists are nothing compared to Islam which, like the Necromongers in Chronicles of Riddick, takes the view that everyone else better convert or needs to die. And even putting those murderous assholes asides, the left has recently embraced anti-Semitism. So maybe it’s time these came off the Volvo smokers.
● Listen To/Believe/Trust The Children: Oh boy. This one is truly for morons, or people who’ve never met children. Essentially, we are to believe that children are so pure and so untainted by the world of adults that their thoughts are things we should follow and adopt. Snicker snicker.
Oh, where to begin. First, most children learn very quickly that violence is the easiest way to satisfy their desires. Children learn to lie very quickly too, and to tell half truths. Children lack the ability to analyze facts too and many children lack the ability to separate reality from fantasy, making their opinions entirely unreliable. What’s more, children have an amazing ability to develop prejudice, to act in ways that are racist, sexist, lookist or ageist. And man do they suck at delayed gratification and conservation. Essentially, children are little monsters imbedded with the worst elements of human nature until their parents teach them not to do those things. So we should trust and listen to those things? No sale.
● Arms Are For Hugging: Arms can be for many things. They don’t need to be so limited. As for the anti-weapon message, without weapons, the good guys become victims of the bad guys... who don’t believe in hugs.
● Think Globally, Act Locally: You first.
● Hate Is Not A Family Value: Nope, sure isn’t... it’s a leftist tactic.
● Against Abortion? Then Don’t Have One: This one is interesting on many levels. First, it fundamentally misunderstands the objection to abortion. Essentially, this is the same as saying “Against Murder? Then Don’t Murder Anyone but let the rest of us do as we please.” Secondly, this flies in the face of the leftist view expressed in all their other issues that everyone needs to be forced to conform to their slightest whims. Why is it that on this single issue there should be choice, but on every other issue it’s goose-stepping uniformity?
● Keep Your Hands Off My Body: Not a problem... have you looked in the mirror?
What are some of your favorites?
43 comments:
Great. Great. Great.
The children thing comes from a misinterpretation of what Jesus said, ""Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
He was referring to their trusting nature. Not any inherently good nature.
I know exactly what you are talking about but of course I can't think of a good one I hate at this time. I can't figure out why some of these turds around here still have the original Obama campaign stickers.
I did see this one in Boulder of all places the other day:
One
Big
Ass
Mistake
America
You don't see it as much anymore but I can't stand the My kid is Honor roll at ...
Then there is all the I love my dog crap. What is it with people and their fricken dogs? At least train them for God sakes. And no I don't like your dog but that doesn't mean I don't like all dogs and no dogs do not belong on the same realm as people. They are not your child!
Sorry, got a little side tracked.
Thanks Kit! It wouldn't surprise me if that was the origin. I just take it as pure stupidity.
To liberals, the "Coexist" sticker is their way of saying, "I'm so much better, evolved, and worth more than you."
There are two things I'd like to these smug POS's:
First, in my eyes, your sticker actually says, "Hit Me. I'm stupid." (Maybe you'd be better off going with a 'Baby On Board' sign. It says what it actually means!)
And second, GET OFF YOUR F***ING PHONE, DIPS***S!
Koshcat, I had more that I can't remember too! LOL!
I used to see "My kid beat up your honor roll student" a lot. I liked that one. The latest thing around here is stick figures along the back window to represent the family. That led to a really disturbing one the other day where you have just one parent and 2 of 3 kids left. The rest look like they were scraped off by a serial killer. I'm guessing that's a nasty divorce?
BTW, Dogs are people too! ;-)
Rustbelt, It should be legal to ram people who are on the phone.
I see anyone with a coexist sticker as an idiot too.
Andrew,
The stick figures, I think there was one but the parents and kids were all Star Wars characters.
I admire the creativity of that one. :)
re bumperstickers, since I live in the South most of the ones I see involve God, Jesus, hunting, or guns or some combination.
One political one I remember very well was, "Half of the people who go into abortion clinics don't come out alive!"
I'm rather pro-life but that seemed a bit much.
By the way, at Chick-Fil-A (of all places) I saw a car with an Obama/Biden sticker and a "Ready for Hillary."
Kit, I've seen those. I've also seen zombies. Most, however, are just stick figures.
I see a lot of bumper stickers around here. We get a lot of guns and God ones. We get a lot of Obama/Hillary ones. We get some funny ones. And we get a lot of weirdo leftist ones.
I mostly ignore bumper stickers but they have always struck me as a bipartisan thing. Of course, what you see depends of where you are. Lots of antiabortion and pro gun bumper stickers floating around VA. In MD and DC one finds more Obama/Hillary/coexist stickers.
My son-in-law (Iraqi vet) has one like those oval location stickers that says "Infidel." Also has the IRQ - I Served
Pretty much sums up his feelings.
I live in southwest Ohio. Not too far from me in northern Kentucky is a place called the Creation Museum. It's a a museum that teaches a biblical view of the earth's history. Now that may or may not be your cup of tea, but attending the museum is a voluntary activity. They don't run out and draft people or go door to door or hang out in parking lots shoving fliers in your face. They run a few adds like any business has a right to do but the tone isn't confrontational. Well one day I was behind a car that had one of those coexist bumper stickers. Right next to it was a sticker that said "The Creation Museum - spreading ignorance and bigotry since 2007," Apparently the driver was unable to appreciate irony.
I got behind somebody once who proudly advertised " I'm already against the next war." How does he know what the cause of the next war will be? Maybe somebody will detonate a dirty bomb in a US city,maybe his city or the city where somebody he loves lives and we'll find out it's state sponsored. Will he be against that war? Dipshit.
I also love "If you're against abortion have a vasectomy" A: that makes no sense. If someone isn't ready to stop having children they can't be against abortion? B: I've actually had a vasectomy so what now, jackass?
One of these days, I give you all my word, I'm gonna walk up to one of these people at a stoplight, knock on the window and ask them the questions I've just asked you. Remember John Candy's face when Steve Martin grabbed the cab door in Trains,Planes and Automobiles? TeeHee
GypsyTyger
Overall, I like bumper stickers. They individualize your car,some of them are funny, and they let you know who the jackasses are. As far as those My kid is an honor student ones,it's nice to see people are proud of their kids. I used to have a Limbaugh-Coulter 08 sticker on my Isuzu Trooper.(The Isuzu Trooper ladies and gentlemen, the finest suv ever made.) I had a "you can't coexist with people who are trying to kill you" one for a while. It's a little touch of individuality in a conformist world. They also let you know who to stay away from. When you see somebody with about a dozen of them it's usually good to give them a wide berth.
GypsyTyger
Andrew -
just as it’s common for leftists, who have similarly compartmentalized minds, to hold contradictory beliefs
We both know it's a little more complicated than that and I'm reminded of F. Scott FItzgerald's quote "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." So there's that. :-)
I hate the "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper sticker—it's probably better now but there was a time when the "smart kid" (i.e. me) was beaten up for that very same thing. So I DON'T FIND IT FUNNY!!
And I hate the family window decals. For me it's a security thing—I don't want strangers knowing the gender and approximate age makeup of my family! And it's a shame because they have some cool collections of these decals (Star Trek, Ghostbusters, etc.)
And besides, this whole thing goes both ways. :-D
I have a coexist bumper sticker, but it has Remingtons, Colts, Rugers, S&Ws, CZs, H&Ks, and Brownings on it..
But my favorite bumper sticker says: "Don't tell Obama what comes after a trillion....."
ScottDS - See the last line of my second comment. :)
GypsyTyger
Gypsy -
Indeed! :-)
Bob, "Infidel"... LOL! Fantastic!
Anthony, I ignore most of them, but some just strike me as intensely stupid.
GypsyTyger, That's the thing about the left, they use words like "tolerance" but they don't mean it. What they mean is "don't you dare question my views... oh and you better adopt mine or else.
LOL! I also give wide berth to anyone who has a bunch of bumper stickers. They are usually horrible drivers... and slow.
I'm against the next war? What a stupid idea! Good thing those people didn't have much say in things before WWII. "Keep your hands off my Hitler!"
Scott, It is that simple. Leftists happily hold contradictory beliefs depending on who they are talking about. Either you are entitled to free speech, human rights, tolerance, etc., or you need to be shut up hard. You have a right to what you own unless you have too much, then we have a right to take what you own. Tolerance is king, unless you're someone we didn't like. Can't stand religious bigotry, unless it involves killing infidels, enslaving little girls or throwing gays off roofs. Etc.
Leftists specialize in holding contradictory views, situational ethics, selective application of fundamental rights, self-aggrandizement, demonization, trying to control everyone around them, etc. etc. etc.
I find the stick figured people to be silly, that's about it. I don't see it as a security risk.
Critch, LOL! Nice!
Why is it that on this single issue [abortion] there should be choice, but on every other issue it’s goose-stepping uniformity?
Because they're losing this one.
Honestly, besides COEXIST and the global/local one, I haven't seen the rest of those bumper stickers. Around here, (unsurprisingly) there are a bunch of Keystone XL bumper stickers, both for and against. We also have a nice local idiot identifier in the way of a "Nebraskans for Peace" bumper sticker. (Also the name of a limp-wristed local lefty org.)
Best bumper sticker I ever saw said: "Kenobi 2012 - Our Only Hope" I haven't seen it updated for 2016 yet, but I'm hoping it will be.
One I'd like to see "If Obama Was The Answer, It Must Have Been A Really Stupid Question..."
"If you're against abortion have a vasectomy"
This goes along with the feminist complaint that the onus for birth control is too much on women. Interestingly, despite what Andrew points out about most bumper stickers lacking a backing philosophy, that particular slogan reveals a lot about feminist thought. It perfectly encapsulates feminist rejection of biology, evasion of responsibility, and desire to neuter men.
"...It perfectly encapsulates feminist rejection of biology, evasion of responsibility, and desire to neuter men."
All of my issues with this issue wrapped up in one perfect sentence. I can't tell you how many times I have had to explain basic biology to these num-nuts over the years. Someone always brings up this talking point as a "gotcha" to pro-lifers - "well, you eat chicken eggs, don't you? Well, aborting a fetus is not different than eating a chicken egg, you hypocritical conservative scumbag!" Uh, no...not the same at all. Though I am pro-choice, that whole fetus/chicken egg analogy is just ignorant and anti-science. It is laughable trying to explain to them that despite popular liberal belief, no, an egg is not a person or a chicken...it's an egg. Just like sperm is not a person, it's sperm. There is no living being until they....well, I don't have to explain this to you...do I?
tryanmax, Let me clarify -- I do think that bumper stickers reveal a LOT about how the left "thinks." It just isn't consistent and it doesn't reveal much worthwhile or accurate thinking. But you definitely get insight into just how twisted their beliefs are.
tryanmax, Great point, They only plead for tolerance when they are losing. Otherwise, they demand legal backing.
That's hilarious! I would vote for old Ben.
Bev, People who want to believe something no matter what can make themselves remarkably ignorant to prevent cognitive dissonance. And once the do that, then they start to see their basic thoughts as genius because they have no idea what they don't know.
Andrew,
IMHO most everyone is fine with power when their guys are using it for their goals and opposed to the other side using it for its goals.
There are people on the fringe who are sincere, but they are insignificant exceptions who are marginalized and ridiculed once their side seizes all the applicable levers of power.
I'm off to a STYX concert, haven't seen them in concert since at least the 80s...
Got so tired of seeing the "COEXIST" stickers on the Hell-A highways and by-ways, co-opted it with some additional verbiage, which eventually found its way to the fine folks, all veterans, at Gruntworks. Haven't snagged a bumper sticker of it yet, but do proudly alternate the t-shirt version with my "Infidel" (in English and Arabic) on casual Fridays.
http://www.threedonia.com/archives/67032
Also, favorite bumper sticker of all-time, completely apolitical but was on a 70s-style Chevy van surrounded by a a bunch of lib-minded sticker tripe (but I repeat myself): "Don't laugh, your daughter could be on-board." Heaven help her.
"Against Abortion? Then Don’t Have On"
It also pushes the claim of the left that the Right opposes abortion on "personal preference" and vague "religious grounds" like how Jews won't eat bacon, thus avoiding the argument about whether or not the unborn child/fetus is a living human being —a rather more difficult argument to have.
Might I suggest that some bumper stickers are truly wonderful? My fave is: People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do!"
ok, just kidding folks... but it is funny.
My all time favorite ad I have seen on a van in NYC is one for a fish market..."Eat Fish. It's The Meat Without Feet". Makes me laugh every time I see it...
I hope to see a bumper sticker for Cthulhu one day. Why choose the lesser evil?
Or one saying: "Hypnotoad 2016 All Hail HypnoToad!"
I'm a sucker for good Disney bumper and window stickers. There are the classics, "I'd Rather Be at Disney" (with Cinderella Castle), and "Back Off!" (Grumpy) or "Here Comes Trouble!" (Stitch). However, I'm really partial to the one that says, "My Other Car is a Monorail."
Uh, Andrew, you'd better keep an eye on Kit. This recent Cthulu for Prez obsession has me concerned. Today, it's just bumper stickers. Tomorrow, it's posting blasphemous incantations from the Necronomicon (Latin translation).
Besides, I've already picked my non-lesser evil.
Bev, That is great!
I kind of like, "My Other Car Is a TARDIS". :)
Critch, I saw them on HBO the other night. They still have it. :)
Kit, All hail the Hypnotoad indeed!
Rustbelt, So long as he pronounces ALL the words the right way, then we'll be ok. ;-)
I'm back and I'm hammered....but I had fun...let me suggest a bumper sticker that says, "The 70s were great and I had fun." It seems to me that people, esp. politicians and liberals are missing the joy of life...I will never run for office because someone will remember something I did one night when I was having too much fun...yeah I know, we're all supposed to have acted like we were going to run for office one day..BTW, the wife thinks it's funny that I got hammered....everyone have a good night, it was a great concert.
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