What a complex time to be an "unbiased" journalist. You need to rush out all those last minute articles trying to lionize various Democrats. You need to hit print on those smears on GOP candidates you've been holding. Have to do rush jobs to cover-up and dismiss whatever piles of crap the Democrats have stuck their feet into at the last minute. Sure, you finished all those articles about how racism, rape and sexual harassment, and global changing are killing us all, but did you write enough? How about an article on voter suppression to stir up the peoples of color? Then you need to brace yourself. You've done all you could to be unbiased, but things could still go wrong.
In fact, you know they will. You've seen the internal polls your organization keeps hidden from the public. And you've been writing articles walking a fine line between scaring Democrats into voting without trying to make it seem hopeless, but for some reason they aren't turning out. Must be GOP suppression. What's more, those damn morons don't seem to be getting it. Women voting Republican? That's like roaches voting for raid. Don't they know the Republicans will end democracy, re-institute slavery and force every woman to get pregnant and have children to support their Nazi-like dreams as they happily turn the planet into an unlivable ocean one degree hotter than today? How can they not know that? They should. You've written about that every day for years now! In an unbiased way, of course -- seriously, we all know every white, male Republican wants to be a rapist slave holder. Fact. Why aren't people getting it? Don't they know Republicans are just fearmongers?
And WTF is it with this crime issue? Sure, murder and rape have doubled in every big liberal city while not rising in conservative cities, but that's a coincidence. Our progressive prosecutors letting all those people go has nothing to do with it. Anyone can see that. After all, some leftist friends of mine (but then I repeat myself) did a study and found crime is higher in red states. Red states with big blue cities, but red states. Besides, what's a few deaths and rapes anyways? It keeps the people needing government for their protections. Morons.
Anyways, time to get the game face on. Time to go on TV and write some more "we saw this coming" articles laying this at the feet of Biden and white women. Gotta remember to use the following guide to maintain our unbiased standing:
Terrible night = Democrats losing
A real miracle = Democrats losing by only a little
Bad candidate = Democrat who loses
Public simply doesn't want = Republican who loses
Expected = some Democrat we knew would lose but tried hard to sell
Failure = failure of the moron voters to understand
Republican violence = real or imagined crime against Democrats
Epidemic of violence = includes violence against both sides
Alleged = claims of violence against Republicans
intimidation = anything that might scare some Democrat
Legal challenges have begun = both sides filed suit
Republicans attempting to overturn = only Republicans filed
Democrats defending rights = only Democrats filed
celebrity = famous Republicans
billionaire = rich people who support Republicans
philanthropist = famous or rich people who support Democrats
Hate = always Republicans Fear = always Republicans Genuine = Democrat only
That should do it.
Post your election thoughts here...
In fact, you know they will. You've seen the internal polls your organization keeps hidden from the public. And you've been writing articles walking a fine line between scaring Democrats into voting without trying to make it seem hopeless, but for some reason they aren't turning out. Must be GOP suppression. What's more, those damn morons don't seem to be getting it. Women voting Republican? That's like roaches voting for raid. Don't they know the Republicans will end democracy, re-institute slavery and force every woman to get pregnant and have children to support their Nazi-like dreams as they happily turn the planet into an unlivable ocean one degree hotter than today? How can they not know that? They should. You've written about that every day for years now! In an unbiased way, of course -- seriously, we all know every white, male Republican wants to be a rapist slave holder. Fact. Why aren't people getting it? Don't they know Republicans are just fearmongers?
And WTF is it with this crime issue? Sure, murder and rape have doubled in every big liberal city while not rising in conservative cities, but that's a coincidence. Our progressive prosecutors letting all those people go has nothing to do with it. Anyone can see that. After all, some leftist friends of mine (but then I repeat myself) did a study and found crime is higher in red states. Red states with big blue cities, but red states. Besides, what's a few deaths and rapes anyways? It keeps the people needing government for their protections. Morons.
Anyways, time to get the game face on. Time to go on TV and write some more "we saw this coming" articles laying this at the feet of Biden and white women. Gotta remember to use the following guide to maintain our unbiased standing:
Terrible night = Democrats losing
A real miracle = Democrats losing by only a little
Bad candidate = Democrat who loses
Public simply doesn't want = Republican who loses
Expected = some Democrat we knew would lose but tried hard to sell
Failure = failure of the moron voters to understand
Republican violence = real or imagined crime against Democrats
Epidemic of violence = includes violence against both sides
Alleged = claims of violence against Republicans
intimidation = anything that might scare some Democrat
Legal challenges have begun = both sides filed suit
Republicans attempting to overturn = only Republicans filed
Democrats defending rights = only Democrats filed
celebrity = famous Republicans
billionaire = rich people who support Republicans
philanthropist = famous or rich people who support Democrats
Hate = always Republicans Fear = always Republicans Genuine = Democrat only
That should do it.
Post your election thoughts here...
15 comments:
First sign... Guam votes Republican for first time since 1993 and only second time ever.
Andrew
Lol good stuff Andrew.
But haven't you heard? The Blood Moon or something is rising tonight… It symbolizes the coming of change, or doom, or something. Its really important, like it was the last time we had a blood moon… you remember? When nothing happened.
In regards to the election; I hope to see the Republicans take both the House and Senate… However I have no predictions personally.
-Kyle
DeSantis wins easily. Three House seats flipped so far.
I am afraid PA voters are going to vote for Fetterman just because they don't like Oz more than they don't like him. I hope to be surprised but am not counting on it. There are a lot of "moron voters" here.
Beto loses in Texas! Three times a charm.
Thanks Kyle. I'm getting the sense it's going to be a rough night for the media. The Republicans are looking good so far. Running a bit ahead of projections so far.
Stacy, I'm worried about that one too. I can't believe anyone would vote for Fetterman, but people can be pretty dumb. Fingers crossed though!
Glad to see Beto got Beat. He's awful and that's all.
-Kyle
Kyle, He's always really annoyed me. Glad he's lost again.
Andrew
The Republicans lost in Colorado. I think there are just too many Californians now for Republicans to win here. This state has been a magnate for those people and they struggling to recreate the mess they created in California here.
My early thoughts:
1. The election looks good, but only from the perspective that it could have been worse. It should have been much, much better in this environment, and we should not be breathing a sigh of relied when the GOP holds a seat.
2. I fear this means there has not been a shift in mindset in the electorate so much as an enthusiasm issue this time
3. Colorado is lost, consider it deep blue. The numbers are just overwhelming for Dems down the line.
4. Trump's people proved to be exactly the disaster expected. I was hoping they might win despite themselves, but that didn't happen.
5. Ron DeSantis gives me hope actually. He put together a heck of a coalition and destroyed the Democrats in Florida in a way that hasn't happened since Reagan.
6. Walker not withstanding, Georgia looks a little safer than last election. I worry that Atlanta is becoming like Denver and eating the state for the left.
Lost New Hampshire. Losing Pennsylvania. George leaning toward loss. That would be the Senate.
Senate looks like 50-49 Republican with a run-off in Georgia.
I'm not sure we win the House. Hard to tell. If so, it will be by a couple seats tops.
Wow, not good. Republicans failed IMO in all honesty. They should have won with a fairly large margin with how god awful the Dems have been. It is technically a win for the R’s, however it is an underwhelming win considering all thats happened over the last 2 years.
Andrew, Colorado is a real shame. Colorado is still really nice… however I fear it will end up as bad as California.
The hyperbolic crap has got to stop if the R’s expect to win over Independents. The Dems can get away with their hyperbolic crap, since the Dems have a bought and paid for legacy media machine that runs defense for them… Republicans don't have that luxury. Aside from Kari Lake, most of the R’s that lost were not very good candidates. Mind you Mitch McConnell & all the neo-cons are garbage as well.
Ron DeSantis IMO should be the model for Republicans… DeSantis so far has been the best balance of Classical Liberal/Conservative & MAGA with none of the neo-con tendencies.
For the record: I am still rooting for the R’s. I just think they are going to have issues winning if they don't stop alienating people.
-Kyle
With all that said, why in hell are the results not in for Arizona? The crap happening there is why so many people question whether our elections are legitimate. Seriously go look into some of the problems they are having, its insane that in 2022 they cant get their crap together!
-Kyle
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