Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Year's Predictions

With the New Year upon us, it’s time for New Years Resolutions and predictions. Let’s stick with predictions. What shall 2014 bring? Economic recovery? Enlarged Twinkies? The end of life as we know it? Read on!




Prediction No. 1: Obamacare causes three people to lose insurance for every one person who gets fake insurance under Obamacare. In a pre-election panic, the Democrats vote overwhelmingly to deny they passed the individual mandate and to blame Obamacare on the Republicans.

Prediction No. 2: Joe Biden gets arrested doing a knock-out robbery of Hillary Clinton. He claimed he only wanted her mojo but couldn't find it before the cops came.

Prediction No. 3: Mark Levin leaves his mic on and is overheard admitting that he’s a liberal concern troll whose goal is to disgrace conservatism... and he lives in a committed relationship with fellow troll Rick Santorum.

Prediction No. 4: Scientists find life on Pluto... a race of animated fleas.

Prediction No. 5: Obama offers praise for Rush Limbaugh, causing Rush to denounce himself.

Prediction No. 6: Denver wins the Super Bowl in a blizzard. Some baseball team wins that World Series thing whenever that happens.

Prediction No. 7: Sarah Palin learns to read and finally reads Uncle Phil's interview.

Prediction No. 8: Harry Reid caught following Uncle Phil's advice.

Prediction No. 9: Ridley Scott’s movie about Moses proves so successful that the studios immediately green light “Moses II: Into The Promised Land.”

Prediction No. 10: In attempt to boost historically bad approval ratings (lower than typhoid), Obama announces he's gay and admits that the Mrs. and kids are rentals.

Prediction No. 11: After overdosing on hate, bile and hypocrisy, MSNBC hosts finally begin their transformation into Morlocks.

What do you think is going to happen in 2014?

59 comments:

LL said...

10 and 11 will definitely come true.

AndrewPrice said...

11 is more of an observation than a prediction really.. it's already started. LOL!

BevfromNYC said...

So, Justice Sotomayor, who is dropping the New Years Eve ball in Times Square in 10 minutes, issued a decision to halt the mandate requiring religious groups to provide health insurance that covers birth control for employees. The government has until Friday morning to respond. Interesting. 2014 just got more interesting....

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, And Howard Dean says the individual mandate isn't needed and should be repealed. It's all coming apart at the seams.

As for dropping the ball, isn't that Obama's department?

BevfromNYC said...

Oh, and I predict that Obama will be crushed under the weight of 2200 pages of rotting Obamacare legislation.

Anonymous said...

#5 - That would be a genius move on Obama's part.

#7 - Doubtful.

#9 - As long as he doesn't do an incomprehensible prequel 30 years later!

Anonymous said...

Howard Dean can say anything he wants as long as he ends it like this.

(Yeah, you knew that was coming.)

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I can see that. Our scrawny overlord lying on the floor of the White House, only his arms, legs and head visible beneath the pill of documents. Joe Biden adding the unabridged dictionary just to be sure...

BevfromNYC said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! So far it is just like 2013 except just a bit more '14-ier...

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, LOL! I have to tell you, I almost wish I was advising Obama just to have some fun with talk radio. I've never seen a group more easily manipulated in my life. I would have a great time!

Ridley Scott would never do that. ;P

Yeah, the Howard Dean thing had to be done.

Kit said...

I just want to say to everyone "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Thanks for the update from the future. :D

AndrewPrice said...

Happy New Year, Kit!

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew, but Biden being Biden uses the unabridged dictionary on his IPad by mistake....8-(

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, There isn't an iPad that's been dumbed down enough for Biden to use it.. except as a paperweight.

BevfromNYC said...

Oh, and The reign of Bloomberg has officially ended and reign of Terro...uh, Mayor De Blasio officially begins...and A blizzard is scheduled to hit NYC Thursday! I predict fun times ahead...

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I hear he wants to ban horse-drawn carriages.

BevfromNYC said...

Yes he is and he has stacked the City Council to do it too. Now all those horses will probably end up at the glue factory. But hey, the won't have to pull those mean old carriages anymore, right?

BevfromNYC said...

Oh, but Biden's handlers gave him a Leapfrog and just told him it was an IPad.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Let's hope that a horse runs him over! :D

That would fit. "This is an iFrog, sir. It's very special."

BevfromNYC said...

Resolutions - I resolve to eat more, drink more, and exercise less! If these go as my other New Year's resolutions...well I will fail miserably. Here's hoping!

Prediction #1 - I predict that NYC will be buried in 6-10 inches of snow tomorrow just in time for our new mayor's first test...

AndrewPrice said...

Nice thinking Bev! I should resolve to not get rich, not lose weight, and to not be appointing King of the Earth!

BevfromNYC said...

That's the spirit!!! And I resolve to help you NOT be appointed King of the Earth as long as I cannot be appointed Empress of All Other Stuff...oh, and not win the lottery.

Rustbelt said...

Andrew, sorry I've been gone for a while. Things were a little busy around here during the holidays. So, a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone at Commentarama!

Love your predictions...mostly. 1, 3, 7, and 8 I can easily see them happening. 10 would definitely help Obumbler with his liberal buddies. It would be a very smart thing to do- which is exactly why I don't see him doing it.

As for number 6, well... the #^%^$%^&$%^, oh, I'm sorry. I mean, "the Big Game" (NFL lawyers suck), is delayed a week by a blizzard, costing the NFL almost as much money as God has in his piggy bank. Forced to delay a week so the pomp and circumstance can actually take the field (because it's the performers, commercials, and halftime show that allow the NFL to claim big ratings for the game by bringing in viewers who have nothing else to watch that weekend), ratings are down due to the Sochi Olympic Games having started only 2 days prior to. True football fans take to social media to denounce Roger Goodell's idiocy, demand only warm weather* sites for 'big games,' and complain about anything else in the increasingly-neutered pro level.

("The S%^& B&*^ is spring break for adults. It should always be in a warm location. No one ever takes a winter vacation up north!"
-late Steelers announcer- and inventor of the Terrible Towel- Myron Cope)

As for the 'Big Game'... after Peyton performs his near-annual playoff hiccup, and Father Time uses his scythe to slice Brady's legs out from under him, Seattle beats Cincinnati to claim the Lombardi. (Maybe now their fans will finally shut up about the referees this, referees that.)

As for the World Series thing, I'm sure T-Rav will agree that it's decided not in the World Series itself, but in whoever wins this year's bloodsport series between Pittsburgh and St. Louis (divisional or NCLS, whatever).

Oh, and, Team USA wins hockey gold in Sochi! Third time's the charm and this time you're going down, Canada!

AndrewPrice said...

Rustbelt, Merry Belated Christmas and New Years!

I'm a little worried about the Olympics actually. I suspect something is going to blow up. For being a thug, Putin seems to have little control over his country... and a lot of enemies.

On the Super Bowl, I sooo do not want to see the Seahawks in the Super Bowl as they and the Jacksonville Whatevers are the two teams I simply don't care about in any way, shape or form. And I probably wouldn't watch a Cincinnati/Seattle game. That said, I do like the idea of a blizzard. Weather games are cool.

As for Peyton, he does choke in big games, but this year might be different.

As an aside, you all came within a single call of a Yinzer Miracle to get into the playoffs. That would have been interesting. Personally, I'd dump Tomlin, but I doubt Rooney will for another couple years.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I too resolve not to win the lottery this year! :D

BevfromNYC said...

Oh, yeah, the Superbowl in NY/NJ...gonna be fun. Yeah, I just can't explain why they are the NY Giants and NY Jets yet play in New Jersey. Almost brand new stadium that the powers that be inexplicably did not modernize with a retractable dome like every other stadium built in the last 5 years. The Farmers' Almanac predicts a blizzard that week and they are about 90% accurate, btw. Good times will be had by all...eventually.

Anthony said...

Putin has control of the levers of power, which are the only parts of the country he cares about. As the recently released ex-billionaire can attest, one can get away with quite a bit in Russia as long as one doesn't imperil the regime.

Rustbelt said...

Andrew, I'll admit I'm somewhat worried about Sochi. But as Anthony stated, Putin controls the parts of the country he cares about. And I doubt he cares to see his country's prestige- what's left of it- damaged by a massive attack. To be honest, I'm more worried about Rio. Brazil's hosting both this year's World Cup and the 2016 Summer Games. That city- whoa, let me correct myself, PART of that city- is a first world oasis in a third world desert. Compared to Vancouver, London, and Sochi, it's practically an open door for terrorists. I'm pretty sure Russia has just enough infrastructure left to prevent what Brazil can't.

And on the S^$#@*&#%... Knock it off, NFL! Hey, I don't like the Seahawks any more than you do, but I just see anyone really stopping them. As for Peyton, well, he chokes too often in the playoffs for me to have any faith in him. Plus, he absolutely stinks in outdoor stadiums in January.

And to tell you the truth, I was out of town traveling over the weekend (family events), and had to listen to the Steelers-Browns game on the Browns' radio network. Man, those guys see flags in every single play- when the Browns don't do something good. So, it's quite frequent. I didn't get to see the Chiefs-Chargers game. (We had to follow it on our phones.) Suffice to say, I was none too happy when I heard about the botched calls. On Tomlin, I think it's good to keep him. The organization held onto the generation that went to several S^&*($#@^s STOP IT! ...a little too long. So, they've been undergoing a massive generational shift that won't be complete until next season. Breaking in new players takes time and means a few sub-par seasons before the fruit is good. Personally, I think Tomlin is a better coach than Cowher, but that's my opinion.

BTW, any thoughts on ex-Bucs coach Greg Schiano being the leading candidate to replace Bill O'Brien at Penn State?

AndrewPrice said...

Anthony, Putin controls the state, but the state only controls the economy. And with the number of terrorist attacks they get (and their general incompetence in handling them), I would be worried.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Since the Super Bowl is packed with VIPs rather than fans, I say let it snow... and snow, and snow and ice over and then let a flock of penguins fly over head and drop pooh. :D

AndrewPrice said...

Rustbelt, The World Cup will be a mess. Brazil will probably have the much higher body count than Russia. That said however, blowing something up will grab more headlines so I think Russia is more likely to be seen as the bigger disaster. Either way, people should take a long hard look at these two hellholes before they criticize the US. Inner-city Detroit is a paradise compared to either.

On the Steelers, I understand they have serious cap problems they still need to work through. Plus, as you note, they still need to shed some senior citizens before they can turn things around.

On the penalties, don't get me started. I want to see the refs make as few mistakes as possible, BUT I'm getting so sick of everyone trying to analyze the hell out of everything and demanding perfection even on ticky-tacky things. I'm sick of this deconstructionist society we have where everyone tries to validate their own lives by looking for mistakes in others. Week after week people scream about every bad call, real or imagined, and then scream how outraged they are. Get over it people, it's a f***cking football game... let it go. Also, my old HS coach used to say, if you put yourself in a position where a bad call can ruin your season, then it's your own fault. That is very true. You know the risks. If you want to avoid them, then play better and stay out of the margin of error.

On Schiano, good luck Penn State. I liked Schiano at first because he turned around the chaos of Raheem Morris's regime -- Morris wanted to be the player's friends and they were intensely undisciplined. Schiano changed that. But he also proved to be petty, lacking in creativity, and incapable of learning from his mistakes. He's a tyrant without talent.

AndrewPrice said...

The Bucs just hired Lovie Smith. That actually makes me happy. I know he's had problems getting over the hump, but he kept getting to the hump... unlike the sea of Bucs coaches before him!

Rustbelt said...

Watching the Fiesta Bowl here...ESPN just announced on the ticker that Lovie Smith has been hired as the new coach for Tampa. Andrew, we need your thoughts.
As for the Steelers' cap dilemma, they'll probably just let the entire aging secondary go- except, of course, for Polamalu. (They'll keep him around until he has to be propped up with 2x4's.)

Agreed about Russia being a more visible target. But at least Russia doesn't have those 'kissing bugs' that give people terminal heart disease.

'Tyrant without talent?' I may have to steal that. Also, I love the idea of all the VIP's getting snowed on during the NY/NJ S5%$^&*#$%. GEEZ!

Rustbelt said...

Ah, comment came three minutes late.

Rustbelt said...

Can we just call it squaresies?- like this? (fast forward to 33:01)

AndrewPrice said...

Rustbelt, That was the problem. The Bucs needed a tyrant, so he was good at first. He kicked out a lot of deadwood and got the others in line. But once he had the team on the same page, he didn't know what to do with them.

Also, I've seen a lot of pretty good analysis of why the Bucs did so poorly on play after play and it wasn't lack of personal, it was always schematic. Schiano would put all his eggs into one basket on play after play and then blame the players for not executing, whereas all the better coaches give their players lots of options.

I'm happy about Lovie Smith. His career winning percentage is something like .580, and he did that without a real quarterback (Rex Grossman??). He took them to a Super Bowl too and he was 3-3 in playoff games. And with the Bucs being loaded on defense (Smith's specialty) I think we have the potential to really become a tough, tough team. He just needs to pick a decent offensive coordinator.

On the Steelers, the most interesting thing I've read is that they might not be able to afford to keep Big Ben.

Rustbelt said...

Andrew, I have to admit I didn't follow the Bucs that closely, so I'll have to take your word for their situation. While I'll admit that Lovie is a good coach, I just don't see him as a long-term solution. He seems to be a guy who can bring stability, but just can't get a team all the way to the top.
But then again, that's what I thought about Tony Dungy. One change of scenery later, and he was holding the Lombardi. So, as I'm clearly no guru, who knows? He might just be the guy they need.

On Ben, I heard Cowher talk about this a few months ago. He's certain it's just positioning to get a good deal. According to him, Ben's up for his third contract. This is the most important one because it comes when an athlete's eventual decline is on the horizon, and there's concern that he won't be able to justify the contract in the future. Of course, the odds of Ben following the leads of Michael Jordan or several NHL players- Crosby (PIT), Malkin (PIT), Tavares (NYI)- and go below their market value to allow the team to grow and win championships is probably nil. But given how hard it is to find a franchise QB (cough, cough...Cleveland...cough, cough), I'm sure they'll re-sign him, like Cowher predicts.

BTW, I just found this article. What kind of fireworks do you think we can expect from Schiano (assuming PSU hires him), if Happy Valley really is how O'Brien describes it?

AndrewPrice said...

Rustbelt, Except for Bill Walsh and maybe Belichick, I think coaches fall into three types: (1) can't find his ass with a map, (2) gets lucky more often than not, or (3) solid coach. Only type 3 can make it to the Super Bowl, and they don't get there on their coaching, they get there if they have a super quarterback (Elway, Brady) or their QB goes on a hot streak at the right time.

I think Lovie is in that third category. And the one time he made it to the Super Bowl was when Grossman got on a hot streak. So as I see it, Lovie can get there if (1) his QB gets hot at the right time or (2) he finds a true franchise guy in Tampa. That's not something that was true of Schiano, who held back his team.

So in that sense, I think Lovie is as good as it gets in terms of getting the opportunity to win it all. It will all come down to QB play though whether or not he makes ever it. Give him a Brady and he could set SB records. Give him a Grossman and we might make it. Give him the usual guys Tampa have and we struggle to win 9 games.

AndrewPrice said...

continued...

On Ben, I heard the problem is that he will need $20 million a year and they just don't have that. We'll see. I wouldn't let him go.

I saw that article earlier on Happy Valley. I'm not sure how Schiano will fit in with that. He's a total control freak. To give you a sense, he apparently freaked out about the shape of the noodles in the Buc's cafeteria. So he's not going to play well with people trying to tell him how to do things.

I also think Penn State would be wise to notice that he never did all that well at Rutgers.

Rustbelt said...

Sounds like a plan, Andrew. Hope it works out.

(Of course, I'd add Chuck Noll to the 'Except...' category, but you know where I'm coming from!)

At the end of the day, let's just all be thankful we're not Browns fans. Otherwise, "there's always next year" would be a permanent part of our signatures.

Rustbelt said...

Freaking out about the noodles?! Forget about seeing Schiano on the B1G sidelines. I'd like to see the fits he'd throw as an Iron Chef competitor in Kitchen Stadium!

And, yes, PSU can- and should- do a lot better in their coaching search.

AndrewPrice said...

Definitely. Wow, Browns fans... Factory of Sadness. Firing Chudz is just such a pathetic move. How can one franchise be so consistently bad?

Noll probably belongs in that group too. There are probably a couple of others too (Madden, Lombardi, etc.), but they are very rare.

AndrewPrice said...

Yeah, when he first arrived in Tampa, he apparently started making all kinds of demands throughout the building. Check out this summation:

"... the New Schiano Order is legendary, from limiting hot food, to obsessing about room and airplane temperature, movie titles, pasta noodles and more."

LINK

Rustbelt said...

"controlling loser?" Well, my vocabulary just expanded today! (I'll probably be using that a lot.) Schiano sounds like he could use a lot of medication.And it doesn't matter what. Just a lot of it.

And now, I can't be certain about this, but I'm pretty the Browns fan base is single-handedly keeping several questionable beer companies, semi-competent psychiatrists, and self-help quacks in business.

AndrewPrice said...

Yep, that's Cleveland! LOL!

It will be interesting to see if Schiano does better somewhere else.

Kit said...

"Putin controls the state, but the state only controls the economy. And with the number of terrorist attacks they get (and their general incompetence in handling them), I would be worried."

You mean like that school where the police and army wound up killing more students than the actual terrorists?

AndrewPrice said...

Yes, Breslin. Or the theater in Moscow or the dozens of other bombings that have taken place.

Kit said...

There is this idea that is endemic on the right and the left that you need a strongman to keep things organized. The Left believes a strongman is needed to keep things peaceful and the right to keep law and order (and sometimes, stop gays).

Basic economic common sense refutes the left. Law enforcement in Putin's Russia refutes the Right.

AndrewPrice said...

Kit,Pat Buchanan (and a few other idiots) are out there singing Putin's praises because "he stands for traditional conservative values" which means he's said nasty stuff about gays. They are overlooking the brutal cleptocracy he runs, the wars he's started... and lost, the mockery he's made of their constitution, and the utter lack of control this closeted-homosexual former KGB putz has over Russia.

One correction, by the way: the fringe right wants a strong man to impose a morality the public doesn't want under the guise of "law and order" and the fringe left wants a strong man "to get things done," which typically means imposing a socialist system and then surrendering power.

Kit said...

"closeted-homosexual"?

AndrewPrice said...

Putin. You don't think he's straight do you?

Kit said...

Well, he does like showing off his body a lot.

AndrewPrice said...

Putin is obsessed with being seen as macho. He's like that college jock whose always talking about how macho he is and who wants to go beat up gays to prove he's not one of them. He's gay.

Here's your link: LINK

Kit said...

Yep!

Kit said...

:)

AndrewPrice said...

But hey, if Pat Buchanan vouches for him, then we must be wrong. LOL!

tryanmax said...

Huh. I missed this thread. I think #1 and #3 are the most likely.

AndrewPrice said...

One and three are definitely the most likely. I'm betting on 11 as the most likely.

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