I love conspiracy theories, don't you? I mean you've got to blame someone or something (not you) for the inexplicable, right? Stuff just doesn't happen randomly, right? Here's one...God, will the cold weather never end? I am not sure how much longer I can take it. Personally, I blame Canada. They are really nice people as a whole. Okay, the Mayor of Toronto is kind of a hot mess, but otherwise they are really nice with their hockey-playing, beer and bacon. I mean, who doesn't like bacon, right? So why are they torturing us with their weather? I think that maybe is has something to do with the Keystone pipeline, but that's just me. Canada is to blame more than likely. I'm thinkin' weather machines.
Speaking of weather machines, I noticed that for the last 12 years or so, New York has had pretty mild winters. Oh, there's been a few big snow storms, but nothing really too bad. Suddenly, starting January 2014, the weather takes a real turn for the worse. Why is that? Well, here's one theory that I just can't shake - the minute Mayor Bloomberg leaves office and BAM! It's snowing every other day! I'm thinking our former billionaire mayor had some kind of billionaire owned, Upper East Side lair-like weather machine! I mean, he tried to control everything else, why not the weather? Yeah, that must be it.
And how many theories are there on the assassination of President Kennedy? There are hundreds, right? [I know what you are thinking - I was living in Dallas in 1964, but for God sake, I was four years old, so it wasn't me, okay?] And there's 9/11, the Illuminati, the Masons, Mary Magdelene, Big Foot/Yetti, Loch Ness monster, New Coke, the list can go on and on.
So here's what I'm thinking. Andrew is under the weather and he probably needs some cheering up. And conspiracy theories...er...laughter IS the best medicine (after good ol' chicken soup and Nyquil), so why don't we riff on conspiracy theories?
Do YOU have a favorite conspiracy theory? Don't hold back. It may seem crazy, but then one never knows, does one? I mean, people will believe anything...Here's something to inspire you...and....GO!
Oh, and there may be a free Commentarama (invisible) t-shirt in it for the most plausible theory. Who doesn't need an extra invisible t-shirt, right? [DISCLAIMER #1 - I have to check with The Management to make sure we have an ample supply. We never found the last shipment because...well, they are invisible and all} And I have it on good authority from a "highly=placed, unauthorized, unnamed government source" that the IRS, NSA, CIA, and all the other government alphabet organizations will not be reading this, so you don't have to worry about any "Three Days of the Condor"-type situations...but if you see any stray kittens with WMD's in your neighborhood...RUN!
DISCLAIMER #2: CommentaraPolitics will not be responsible for any residual issues from random conspiracy theories rendered in the comment section of this blog post - The Management
Speaking of weather machines, I noticed that for the last 12 years or so, New York has had pretty mild winters. Oh, there's been a few big snow storms, but nothing really too bad. Suddenly, starting January 2014, the weather takes a real turn for the worse. Why is that? Well, here's one theory that I just can't shake - the minute Mayor Bloomberg leaves office and BAM! It's snowing every other day! I'm thinking our former billionaire mayor had some kind of billionaire owned, Upper East Side lair-like weather machine! I mean, he tried to control everything else, why not the weather? Yeah, that must be it.
And how many theories are there on the assassination of President Kennedy? There are hundreds, right? [I know what you are thinking - I was living in Dallas in 1964, but for God sake, I was four years old, so it wasn't me, okay?] And there's 9/11, the Illuminati, the Masons, Mary Magdelene, Big Foot/Yetti, Loch Ness monster, New Coke, the list can go on and on.
So here's what I'm thinking. Andrew is under the weather and he probably needs some cheering up. And conspiracy theories...er...laughter IS the best medicine (after good ol' chicken soup and Nyquil), so why don't we riff on conspiracy theories?
Do YOU have a favorite conspiracy theory? Don't hold back. It may seem crazy, but then one never knows, does one? I mean, people will believe anything...Here's something to inspire you...and....GO!
Oh, and there may be a free Commentarama (invisible) t-shirt in it for the most plausible theory. Who doesn't need an extra invisible t-shirt, right? [DISCLAIMER #1 - I have to check with The Management to make sure we have an ample supply. We never found the last shipment because...well, they are invisible and all} And I have it on good authority from a "highly=placed, unauthorized, unnamed government source" that the IRS, NSA, CIA, and all the other government alphabet organizations will not be reading this, so you don't have to worry about any "Three Days of the Condor"-type situations...but if you see any stray kittens with WMD's in your neighborhood...RUN!
DISCLAIMER #2: CommentaraPolitics will not be responsible for any residual issues from random conspiracy theories rendered in the comment section of this blog post - The Management
62 comments:
The one I hear all the time is we have discovered the cure for cancer but big pharma won't let oncologist use it because it would put them out of business. We oncologists are all in on it because we would be out too. It gets better. We secretly have access to this miracle cure and give it to our families and cure them. The FDA, Pharma, physicians are all in on it. Somehow I must have displace my secret membership ring...
My favorite is that Commentarama is secretly an arm of Big Donut. Hmmm, yummy, yummy donut.
Koshcat, I once saw an infomercial (while waiting for my doctor ironically) in which this shameful POS was selling his book on miracle cures. And he made that argument (and about 2 dozen (donuts) more): "They've had the cure for cancer for years! But they won't tell you what it is. Why? Because they make too much money keeping you sick. Buy my book and I'll show you how to live cancer free." Sick bastard. He's going to kill people.
Koshcat - that's a really good one. That goes along the same line with AIDS. Except Just read yesterday that a General in the Egyptian Army has announced that Egypt has found the cure for AIDS and now everyone should come Egypt to get cured.
Andrew - ixnay on the onutday! (Oddly, my autocorrect does not like pig Latin...hmmmm)
I have lots of favorite conspiracy theories: The USAF has flying saucers; the CIA killed JFK; the FBI killed RFK; but my favorite and one I happen to sorta believe is that the MOB killed Dr King in Memphis.
I like any conspiracy theory that involves space aliens. For example, aliens are responsible for bringing technology such as velcro, cell phones and notebook computers to Earth.
I'm not saying that aliens don't live among us. A whole crew of them mow my lawn and trim my trees once a week. But you get my point.
Alien/UFO conspiracies always fascinate me, from Roswell to Area 51. At this point, I can't really explain it - it's always been an interesting subject (not to mention Popular Mechanics seems to do an issue on the topic every year).
They air shows like this on cable all the time but I remember watching Sightings on Fox and it would often scare the hell outta me!
Critch - I have never heard the Mob killed King theory. Interesting, but what would they get out of it?
Aliens are cool. If they are smart (and we know they are, right?) I expect that they will make contact with us Earthlings sometime during the Obama Administration because they know he will do nothing like call out the Marines to shoot at them. It will probably end up looking more like "Mars Attacks" than "Independence Day"...
The alien conspiracies are almost fun. I don't know why the would have visited ancient civilizations but not bothered to come back and talk with us. God seem to talk with them more, too. Maybe our ancients were nicer or more interesting. Maybe they dabbled too much with the "special" plants.
I also wonder what really happened to Hoffa. Is he buried at Giant stadium? Was he in our hotdogs? Did he flee to panama? Same with Hilter. Did he really commit suicide or fled to Argentina?
What I don't understand is why the new aliens keep anal probing hillbillies... unless the hillbillies are lying? Hmm.
As for Hitler, he lived in Miami until he died of coodies in 1967,
Kit sent me this and it's really funny...
Dave Barry On The Flu
Jimmy Hoffa buried himself in the end zone at Giant Stadium.
My favorite conspiracy theory is that Giorgio Tsoukalos is an "expert" on anything.
The man does know bed hair... or did aliens take over his barber shop?
That's just it... I don't think he does know.
LOL! Well, in response to that assertion, I say:
There's no way to know if he knows anything and I'm not saying that he doesn't, but there is just too much undeniable evidence that he does, but I'm not saying that. You know, Ancient Cave People painted in caves and that must mean something. What it means, no one knows. Why are the authorities lying to us about this? I'm not saying this means anything, but clearly it does. Oh, and the Bible is full of images or people with bed hair.
If you want to go on a wild ride and laugh a little, watch Jesse Ventura's Conspiracy Theory. I have only seen a couple but my favorite is "Brain Invaders" and the GWEN towers. Just reading the wikipedia page makes one roll his eyes.
What's this about Commentarama being an arm of Big Donut? I supply you with semi-quality articles for over a year, and I get bupkus? Oh, I suppose they were all "lost in the mail" or something....grrrrrr.
He was supposed to be heading to St Louis to organize the sanitation workers up there, the Leisure family laundered their money through the myriad of trash companies in St Louis county. James Earl Ray was a low life moron who occasionally worked for them. How the hell did he escape from a max prison, drive around the country in a new mustang with money, fake ids and a rifle...? He's too stupid to have done this without help.
I think the basic conspiracy theory is that whoever is supposedly responsible for X is simultaneously an evil mastermind who is also a moronic puppet of an equally evil organization.
OMG! I was looking for a sound clip of someone saying "evil" in a funny way, but I found this, which is perfect for this thread: Rihanna professes her love for Satan https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCTmjkxTiIw
Note how the trick works: first they tell you what you're supposed to hear, then they take the captions away and you still can hear it without the captions! OMG! It must really be there. Except the idea was already planted in your head, so you can't help but hear it.
The human brain is hardwired to make sense out of chaos. The first time I listened, I was doing other stuff so I wasn't watching, and it sounded just like what it is, nonsense. But after reading the captions, of course I can hear it. In fact, it's kinda stuck in my head as it's own song.
"...basic conspiracy theory is that whoever is supposedly responsible for X is simultaneously an evil mastermind who is also a moronic puppet of an equally evil organization."
Yeah, that's pretty much it. That is particularly true of Bush and where the conspiracy theories were most obviously phony. He was simultaneously the most stupid man on the planet AND a diabolical genius who was the head of a diabolical plot to take over/away/overthrow the universe.
Oh, T-Rav, it is because you supplied Commentarama with quality articles that you were not part of the donut conspiracy. Donuts (glazed, cake AND jelly-filled) are powerful incentives to do evil as well as good and must be used only when necessary. It was obvious that, because you are someone of such needed quality, we could not risk "changing you". We were just protecting you.
tryanmax, That's the entire premise of ghost busting, especially EVPs. Static becomes words.
T-Rav, Not that any of this is true, but if it were, we get paid in Crullers and your mom said you don't like Crullers, so we decide not to tell you... not that any of that happened.
Aww, Andrew, you went and told 'em about the Crullers! Now everyon...er....uh, I mean, yeah, we definitely do NOT get paid in Crullers. Yuck, pooh, crullers, blaaacccch. And we don't even know your mom at all... {{{{Now, what do I do???}}}}
Bev, Just act naturally. No one notice anything. :-P
So how does everyone feel about a war with Russia?
I'll be honest, I'm kinda "cold" on the idea.
Any way we can make it a proxy war instead?
Making it a proxy war would be a good way to go. I wonder if Yakistan is up for a fight?
Well, personally, I have been waiting for this to happen for the last 5 years. Ever since Putin exchanged places with Medvedev, it was rather apparent that he wanted to bring the ol' Soviet Union back online or as he is euphemistically calling it the "EuroAsian Union". It was nice of him to wait until after the Sochi Olympics (three days after...) to deploy his Navy around the world. I believe what is happening now is what was meant by "the reset button" and the "wait until after the election when I can be more flexible".
Syria, Venezuela, Ukraine, and Cuba. Poland better ready their defenses.
Hey, was a child of the real Cold War and lived through endless duck & cover drills and saw "Countdown To Looking Glass", so I kind of know what to expect.
Oh, but why all of this was going on, Obama and Biden were running around the WH gardens to promote healthy living...
Okay, first of all, I don't know what Crullers are, so that story about my mom was OBVIOUSLY a lie, and secondly, you're saying should have been submitting crap to get donuts? Groan....
As far as Ukraine's concerned. I don't know why Obama even bothers. Does he not realize that he basically used up all his international credibility on Syria and the infamous "red line"? If not, why would he be trotting out this whole "there will be consequences" line to Putin? Really, say what you will about the guy (and there's a lot that can be said), but Czar Vladimir is not a man who scares easy (if at all).
Honestly, I think the fundamental unseriousness of this administration is what bothers me most of all. This week, at least.
T-Rav...really, we are protecting your talent. Trust us. And crullers are like...bleeeccch anyway. And anyway, why would we lie to you?
Anyhoo, I agree about Putin. He wrastels bears so he doesn't scare easily or at all especially knowing that Obama will do absolutely nothing. His "threats" are empty and even more insidiously are just for show. Who could possibly take anything he might say seriously?
At the same time all of this is happening, our DOD announced this week that we are rolling back our military to pre-WW1 levels. Obama is a coward and dilettante. If the US is no longer interested in stepping up, then in a word, the world is screwed. Welcome to WW3, children.
Bev, The military reductions are overblown. So I'm not worried about that at all. The bigger problem is that El Presidente Dipstick is going to get us into a war by sheer incompetence.
The real problem is that Obama is a wimp who will suddenly strike out when it affects his ego. Putin is a fool who thinks he can do whatever he wants That's a horrible combination for solving problems.
Since things are getting hot w/ Russia nowadays, I thought it time we take a nostalgic trip to the last time things were hot with them Ruskies!
LINK
Andrew I think you correct. Obama is just the personality who will strike out just to prove he's not a wimp. I don't think Putin is any ordinary fool though. I think he is just the Russian version of Obama...
Bev, That's a scary thought and I can't disagree -- two losers out to beat their chests, both assuming the other is too cowardly to do anything. This is how fights start in high school.
On the plus side, in all honesty, I don't see us doing anything because I think the Pentagon will tell Obama, "We don't have the capability to fight them over there."
Kit, Duck and cover is good advice in any explosion.
Dammit, Kit! I was promised hot Russians and instead I get some grainy old cartoon. See if I follow one of your links again! ;-)
One thing worth noting: Some commentators on Russia and its political culture (about which I'm not an expert, to be sure) have argued that it seems inherently biased towards the worship of "strongman" personalities and those who rule through fear. These guys argue, for example, that Nicholas II lost support and was forced to abdicate not because he was too oppressive and not loved by the people, but because he was too weak and not feared/respected enough.
One school of thought, that. If anyone has more direct experience, tell me if I'm full of @#$%. But I don't think it's any accident that Putin chose to try and cement his hold on power by posing as a bear-wrestler and this generation's Man of Steel. And it's doubtful such a man, with such a philosophy, is going to back down, even if we actually do something more than issue a strongly-worded warning.
Also, I do want to stress, for the sake of everyone here, that there are situations in which duck and cover doesn't work.
Here's one to chew on: I have a sneaking suspicion that the excrescent Westboro Baptist Church is funded by various members of what we would call "The Left", in order to have gay-baiting strawmen with which to tar and feather all social conservatives.
And T-Rav one of those situations sadly is a nuclear bomb and the fall out.
Dave that is possible considering that the majority of congregants of the Westboro Church are lawyers.
Bev,
Actually, Duck and Cover is your best bet for surviving the immediate effects of the blast, especially the shockwave which if you are indoors can send the glass from windows flying through the air at dangerous speeds. This caused a large number of injuries. It also reduces the likelihood of the shockwave sending you flying through the air.
In fact, in Russia last year you had a meteor burst in mid-air near a town. At one school the teacher, seeing the bright flash of light ordered her class to perform the duck-and-cover. But she remained standing (for whatever reason). The results: she was several by a glass that cut a tendon in her arm. Her students suffered no cuts.
LINK (scroll down to bottom of page)
The Fallout, thats for after surviving the shockwave and fireball.
Dave, I do find it notable that groups like Westboro are simply "assigned" to the right, if you will, w/o any actual investigation into their politics. I would imagine that Westboro subscribes to a "Damn them all" philosophy of governance.
Kit - it's not the blast that kills. It's the fallout- radiation poisoning. And since the likelihood of a bomb in a major metroplitan area of all glass and steel, well let's just that ducking and covering on the 50th floor would be futile. I don't mean to be Debbie Downer, but I would rather take a direct hit than face the fallout.
Bev,
From what I know that depends on the direction the wind is blowing.
And the shockwave can be quite deadly and crippling. Dying from radiation poisoning and cut wounds does not sound pleasant.
Also, the Duck and Cover can prevent blindness from the blast.
And this is getting ugly. Fast.
LINK
I would like to think that about right now, Obama would be kicking himself in the ass for dumping that missile defense shield in Poland.
This is always fun to play with and is very enlightening...and yes, as an old glow worm I like to see what my work would have done if ever used...it's a character flaw...
http://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/?lat=35.1495343&lng=-90.0489801&zm=11&kt=1000
A 200KT weapon exploded over Beijing would kill 700,000 and 1.8 million injured.
Okay, that nuclearsecrecy.com thing scares the hell out of me. I have visions of "War Games" and accidentally setting off a real nuclear war...or being visited by NSA.
I prefer "Pandemic" where I get to release a deadly virus/bacteria/vermin that take out the world population. :-)
Okay...NYC 1 million dead; 1.6 million injured until radiation fallout takes out the rest of us in a month or so...(I added that last part.) But on the bright side, I could save a lot on energy costs since I would glow in the dark.
Apropos pandemics. Andrew, hope you get well soon. There are some nasty bugs out there. Whether they escaped from our own labs or were planted by the Russians, who knows. Just watch out for contrails.
Seriously, I am not sanguine about the military reductions. It is not about reducing waste but substance. What we lose know, we will probably never get back.
It is stupid, shortsighted and it will not even save enough money to buy us breathing space. In a nutshell, defense spending is getting crowded out by spending on consumption. Historically no nation has ever come back from that.
Opposing Russia (and probably China and Iran, depending on their actions) is the right thing to do. Of course that doesn´t mean going to war. That is a straw man. We didn´t go to war in the 1980s either. No, it means containment through a mix of political, military and economic measures. Offering countries encouragement and a choice. Without a clear alternative in the form of a free, well defended west, Central Europe would still be communist. Anyone who pretend it´s either war or nothing is helping the other side.
Where some people are deluded is that they think containment means no cost, no victims, no violence. Wrong. Of course containment (if done right) is a form of aggression.
Today liberals peddle the idea that a nuclear Iran can be contained but they will oppose any actual containment, which might include destroying their oil exports.
So where American troops should be right now is not in Ukraine, but on the Polish border to Ukraine and in the Baltics.
El Gordo - You are right. And you can't negotiate from behind. And you can't make idle threats. That whole "red line" was just a disaster for which Obama and possibly the US will never recover. Though we recovered from Carter when Reagan became President, sot there's hope. Frankly, I pray every single day for another Reagan. I find it amusing (well, annoying and stupid) that the libs are blaming the Ukraine and Syria on Bush. You can say a lot about Bush, but he did not make idle treats. Even the guy who Assad uses as a foot stool knew Obama was making an empty threat and not about to do anything but talk (and blame Bush for the mess of his making).
Once you are found out, there's no going back unless you do something really stupid like deploy nuclear weapons (not just threaten) and THAT'S what scares me. Obama is such a spoiled child-man that he might very well push the button just to show everyone he's not a coward.
And of all times to screw with Israel, now Obama told Netanyahu that Israel MUST except the Palestinians terms so's Obama can get credit of creatin' peace and stuff. Netanyahu politely declined because well the Palestinians' terms are no more Israel. I mean, you can't blame Netanyahu for kinda' holding the line on that one...existing and all, right?
Bev, speaking loudy and carrying no stick is certainly worse than saying nothing (which we tend to forget is also an option). Saving the stick only for the friendly and harmless, like Israel, is worse. It is pathological.
I think America should be idealistic where we can afford it and achieve something, and realistic when we can´t. But this is not realism. It is reverse idealism. It is punitive liberalism turned into policy. Jingoism turned on its head: we defeat ourselves and everyone who likes us.
Our elites have become so unserious and insular and parochial, they live entirely in their own heads where the world is shaped by domestic politics and bizarre pet issues.
I´m not really worried about Ukraine; partition may be the best they can hope for. But let us be realistic: If Russia acts like an enemy, they are an enemy. And so is their ally Iran and their ally Syria. And while I would not call China an enemy at this point, it may well become one very quickly. Signs are ominous.
Russia is not a victim. Never was. They have never paid a price for oppressing much of Europe; no reparations, no apologies. At least let us see it for what it is. Does that sound like cold war talk? Too bad. We didn´t start the cold war either. But opposing communism was an absolute good.
I´m tired of this phrase, "We are not the world´s policeman". Yeah, and so what? You may need to clean up your own house and still have a vital interest in who rules the streets. But all these phrases are so phony and it is all you hear these days. The thing about thugs is simply this: you need to oppose them to be able to merely coexist with them.
"...THAT'S what scares me. Obama is such a spoiled child-man that he might very well push the button just to show everyone he's not a coward."
I don´t think so. Well, that problem would solve itself if we gave Obama a third term. Because we would not have much of a nuclear deterrent left by 2025 :-)
But it would be like him - and like the Democrats - to get us into another war circa 2015 and then undermine it as soon as a Republican is in the White House.
For all this talk about war weariness from watching too much tv news, the world knows that America is really unable to win any all-out war because Democrats will pull the rug out from under us for domestic policy gains. They will be invested in defeat as soon as they can blame a Republican. That in itself makes the world more dangerous. Because it is not a secret.
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