Obama To Save Middle Class

As Team Obama digests the lessons of Scott Brown’s victory, they keep finding new things they “should have done” to entice voters, like "saving" the disappearing middle class. This usually means sops to big labor. In fact, nothing warms an ivory-tower socialist’s heart more than thinking of the great citizens of this nation toiling away in unionized hard-labor jobs. But Obama knows not of manual labor, so his plan to “save the middle class” is a tad different than you might expect. It's also laughable . . . to put it kindly.

How does one save the middle class? Jobs, jobs, jobs, according to Obama. Creating new jobs and reducing unemployment is “the single most important thing we can do to rebuild the middle class,” read Obama from his TOTUS. Then, like OJ Simpson before him, Obama assured us that “I won’t rest until we’re doing just that.”

But if Obama really wants to create jobs, then why doesn’t his plan include anything that could actually lead to the creation of jobs? Could this just be a shallow attempt to buy votes or is Team Obama really that stupid. . . or both?

Here is Obama’s four point cradle to grave plan:

Part One: Child Storage

The first part of Obama’s plan to save the middle class involves a sop to feminist thinking, which holds that a lack of “affordable daycare” enslaves women. So Obama takes the big step of promising to “double the child care tax credit.” Sounds good, but. . .

First, in this case, the word “double” doesn’t actually mean “double” in the traditional sense. Instead, it means increasing the percentage of the qualifying costs that can be deducted from 20% to 35%. Moreover, this applies only to children under the age of 13 because women with children over 13 years of age are evil. Oh, and this increase only applies to families making less than $85,000 a year (the new “millionaire” cut off). Not to mention the amount you can claim is capped, so the maximum benefit is only $900 more than it was before his proposal -- with most receiving far less than that. (As an aside, if $900 in tax cuts is all it takes to save the middle class, why hasn't Pelosi's House enacted such a change before. . . say in 2006, 2007, 2008 or 2009?)

Now, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that this proposal does nothing to create more jobs. That means you can't expect to benefit from this, unless you already have a job, which kind of undermines the purpose of motivating people to get jobs. But at least there is symmetry between the non-motivation and the non-job creation. . . and symmetry is beautiful.

Part Two: Enslaving College Kids

Turning to your school years, Obama’s second proposal is intended to deceive college grads. With all the guile of an evil credit card peddler, Obama essentially proposes to reduce the minimum payment on your student loan debts. He phrases this as capping the amount you can be forced to pay in any one month to 10% of some living wage, whatever that means. But the reality is that this will establish a minimum payment amount that you can pay happily for the rest of your life. Because, while he's proposing to reduce the amount you can be forced to pay at any one time, he’s not changing the amount of interest you are being charged. Thus, if you pay only the maximum payment (minimum) you will be paying on this loan forever. . . and you will pay far more than you would have paid under the old system.

Liberals used to call that "unconscienability." But a better description might be a tax on stupidity, or a tax on the educated. . . either way works for me. But what’s more interesting, this very practice is one of those practices that Obama promised to stop evil credit card companies from doing. Now he’s turning around and proposing to do the same thing to college grads. Nice!

But Obama’s not entirely heartless (his behavior toward his grandmother and his brother notwithstanding). While this will make college students long term indentured servants of the federal government, it won’t actually run forever. After twenty years of servitude, you will be released from your burden. . . only three times longer than the indentured servant contracts of the 17th and 18th Centuries. (By the way, because federal government employees are so put upon, with their massive salaries and their unpaid taxes, Obama proposes to free those who “work” for Club Fed after 10 years instead of twenty. . . call it time off for lazy behavior).

In terms of creating jobs, this doesn’t do squat, but it makes up for that by keeping the future middle class poorer. Enjoy your free lunch college grads, you’ve earned it!

Part Three: Slaving For Retirement

As you toil away in the salt mines, you are no doubt worried about your retirement. Some day, you’ll be too old to work and social security is looking pretty flimsy. So it’s time to start saving for retirement, lest you enjoy eating dog food under bridges. To help you, Obama is planning to force your employer to provide workplace-based retirement savings accounts (formerly known as 401ks). . . and no, your employer doesn’t have to contribute, they just need to do all the paperwork for you. That should raise the unemployment rate from 10% to 11%.

Sadly, if I read my tax code correctly, this will kill off your right to have your own personal 401k, but hey, that’s a small price to pay for getting your hands on a hot self-funded retirement account! Now I know what you’re thinking -- isn’t Obama just proposing to replace our 401k’s with a different kind of 401k? Yeah, but this one is tied to your employer, which makes it less convenient and less flexible, so shut up and stop looking a gift whore in the mouth!

To sweeten the pot, Obama wants the government to match up to $500 if you put in $1,000! I hope you’re ready to live the highlife! Of course, you need to make less than $65,000 to qualify for this amazing benefit, because anyone who makes more than that is rich and, thus, subhuman.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, Obama promised to excuse small businesses. . . the very companies that don’t provide retirement plans now. So maybe this whole thing is just a wash?

Part Four: Chump Change for Geezers

Finally, as your loved ones speed toward their appointment with the grim reaper, Obama wants to lift some of the burden you’ll bear in taking care of these oldsters. Did you know that in 2006, Americans spent $333 billion caring for the elderly? And that was under the evil George Bush, back when we used to toss the elderly into the streets and run them over with SUVs. Imagine what it must cost now, in the age of the enlightened one!

So how is Obama promising to lift this burden imposed by these dirty, dirty old people? How about a tax credit for taking care of elderly relatives. . . you know it, baby. . . $100 million worth!!! Awesome, that’s like giving $3.30 to someone who makes $10,000 a year! All we need now is for McDonalds to add elderly care to their dollar menu and we’ll be set!

At least this one, unlike the prior three, could create jobs. . . if you believe in magic.

Poverty, thy days are numbered!


Note: By the way, if you want to see what Obama could have done to create jobs and/or raise middle class incomes, check out our proposal for a real stimulus plan. Unlike Obama, we didn’t take stupid pills before coming up with our plan.