Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Petitions Away

Apparently, petitioning the White House has become an American pastime. Tens of thousands of people in various states petitioned to let their state secede from the Union. Others petitioned for the nationalization of Twinkies. Some petitioned to remove Jerry Jones as owner of the Dallas Cowboys and, my personal favorite, some petitioned the White House to begin construction on a Death Star. Tell us what you would petition and why we should support it.

72 comments:

BevfromNYC said...

I would petition for a ban on all people named "Barack" OR "Obama" from the Whitehouse.

Tennessee Jed said...

I would petition the WH to not let anyone from Hollywood to stay there, and to work with the states to pass an amendment that permits the people to cling to their guns and religion. Oh, wait. They are already constitutionally protected. Never mind.

ScottDS said...

I would petition for forgiveness on whatever future debt I end up incurring. Not for anyone else, just me. :-)

And since some have petitioned for construction of the Death Star, we might as well get to work on the Enterprise.

BevfromNYC said...

Scott - I like yours! I may have to petition for forgiveness on any future debt too. And once it is approved I'm going to max out ALL my credit card, buy a house I can't afford, and never work again!!! Oh, wait, maybe I have said too much...

And wouldn't that be the Millenium Falcon? Someone's got to destroy the Death Star, right?

ScottDS said...

Bev - Ha!

When I read your suggestion, my first thought was, "What if a conservative politician named Obama comes out of the woodwork. You wouldn't want to ban him!" :-)

BevfromNYC said...

I would also like to petition the Government to make it mandatory that there be a national plebiscite for any changes in compensation or benefits for any Federal employee either elected, contracted, or directly employed. I mean, we are their employers and employers get to set the wage and benefits, right?

BevfromNYC said...

Scott - Good point, except conservative candidates tend to be called boring names like Mitt, Abraham, Dwight, Ronald, and Theodore...oh, an lots of Georges. The odds are very low that there would ever be a conservative Barack OR Obama. I'm just thinking ahead to avoid Pres. Michelle, Sasha, or Malia. And I would like to amend my original petition to add "Clinton" and "Kennedy".

Tennessee Jed said...

I think I would also petition the WH to remove all of my comments from this particular post.

tryanmax said...

I would petition the dissolution of Congress. I mean, we might as well. It's the direction popular sentiment is headed (steered by the media on both sides). We could jump over 50 years of squabbling if we just do it now.

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, Excellent thinking! That fits so well with the time too! "I want my debts, but no one else's forgiven!" That's a very modern sensibility. :)

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Definitely add Clinton to the list. AND add Bush. We don't need more Bushes.

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, I would rather petition Obama to have to tattoo all of your comments on his rear end! :)

AndrewPrice said...

trynamx, Dissolve Congress in what? ;P

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew - I will add the clause "and any future issue of former, current or future WH occupiers [DNA samples to be taken on all candidates and stored in perpetuity]" to my list that would include any current or future Bushes.

BevfromNYC said...

Scott and Andrew - Maybe if EVERYONE in the country filed their own separate "Me Too" petition to add to Scott's, then we would save the country. If all debt would be forgiven then we can spend, spend, spend to our hearts' content and never, never, never incur any debt!

Scott, I see a Nobel Prize in Economics in your future!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I think that Paul Krugman already won for that idea. At least, that's how his "economic thinking" comes across to me.

Nice addition on the Bushes!!!

tryanmax said...

Dissolve Congress in what?

I work with chemists, so I have a few ideas. The trick is getting it past the EPA. Considering the amount of noxious gasses our congresscritters emit, we could call it a clean-up project!

AndrewPrice said...

You know, I still have to chuckle at the Death Star thing. That's just really clever. That also shows the right amount of contempt to really be a genuinely American statement. I think I'm going to go sign that one. :)

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, Perhaps we should just encase DC in cement?

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew and Tryan - So THAT'S what they mean by Superfund site - Congress. Hey, I am all for dissolving Congress, but I do like the idea of encasing them in cement.

BevfromNYC said...

Tryan - No worries. We can just dissolve the EPA at the same time.

T-Rav said...

I'm assuming petitioning Obama to resign isn't going to work, right?

AndrewPrice said...

T-Rav, Sadly, I'm thinking he won't grant that one. But I am hopeful on the Death Star.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I'm leaning toward the cement idea for the EPA and the Congress... it's more environmentally friendly. :)

AndrewPrice said...

Folks, I'm going to be in Denver for the afternoon, so everyone please petition amongst yourselves. :)

BevfromNYC said...

Now that Andrew is gone...So, does anyone else think that "going to be in Denver" is just the new Colorado way of saying he's getting high?

ScottDS said...

Bev -

It'll depend on what movie he chooses to review next. Then we'll know. :-)

As for the Nobel Prize, stranger things have happened. If Mr. Smith went to Washington then Mr. DS can go to Oslo!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Im bak from danver... dude.

AndrewPrice said...

And while we're petitioning, I want the right cull the traffic herd with extreme prejudice. I swear, Colorado drivers are the worst in the country.

ScottDS said...

Andrew -

Re: traffic... you've visited Florida, right? :-)

Jen said...

Andrew, What's this you say about pickup trucks???

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, Our problem is people in minivans who intentionally try to slow traffic and the brain dead who favor pickup trucks.

Seriously, letting me run people off the road would fix this really quickly.... and it's not like anyone worth a crap will die in the process.

AndrewPrice said...

Pickup trucks... yeah. Apparently pickup truck owners don't realize they're supposed to drive on the right and get the hell out of the way of the people who know how to drive.

Jen said...

So Andrew, you're insulting me as well? I drive a full-size pickup by choice, and that way, I can run obnoxious car drivers off the road. Ha!

Are you intentionally messing with the comments?

AndrewPrice said...

Jen, If you drive like the rest, then yes, I am insulting you. Drive on the right, pass on the left. And if my petition passes, your full-size pickup won't help you... unless it's rocket proof.

No, had to fix a typo.

tryanmax said...

Andrew, trust me, running people off the road solves nothing. Omaha drivers do that with impunity and all it causes are accidents and lots of rubbernecking, which is more irritating than dipsh!t who got ran off the road in the first place. And while I'm at it, I should mention that Omaha drivers are just plain mean. I don't know anywhere else where the people drive mean.

AndrewPrice said...

I'm thinking long term. After I kill a few dozen, the rest will get the message to GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY WAY. And then things will go well. :)

As for mean, DC has the nastiest drivers on earth. They will cut you off just because they can. But at least they don't meander along the road like nose-picking baboons. That seems to have become the preferred method for driving in this here idiot-packed state.

tryanmax said...

Andrew, you've got me there. I've never been to DC, but that is exactly the way I'd describe Omaha drivers.

And just so any third party observers are clear on the nomenclature, when I say "mean" driving, I don't mean angry, I mean straight-up vindictive. We're talking about the driving equivalent of pulling the wings off a fly for the hell of it.

Jen said...

No Andrew, I don't drive like the rest. People piss me off as well. The way you made it sound was ALL people who drive pickups are the problem.

I've seen a lot of brain dead who don't drive pickups, and believe me, where I live, I see lots of it, right from my yard. People are supposed to slow down/pull over for emergency vehicles/cops with their lights and siren on. I watched two separate incidences in ONE DAY, where no pulled over, or slowed down. I had a county cop tell me that he followed TWO vehicles for a mile and a half--siren on, lights on, and blowing his horn, and they did not even acknowledge he was there.

I was across the road one day, talking to a guy who brought a load of hay. The milk truck was signaling to pull into my drive. We watched a woman just barely miss the back of the truck, and drove through part of my yard to avoid hitting him.

AndrewPrice said...

Jen, Maybe they made a mistake in selling you the pickup. Out here, they are sold to masturbating baboons who can't count to 75.

BevfromNYC said...

I think we should petition to make cream legal dispute resolution tools. They are non-toxic, harmless tools that get ones point of displeasure across without causing physical harm. AND it will help the lagging dairy industry! Win-win!

AndrewPrice said...

That would actually save the Twinkie industry. Of course, someone while whine that you could put an eye out with a Twinkie.... so maybe we should stick to knives?

Jen said...

Andrew, No mistake. I'm not the one who initially bought this truck anyway, but it's mine now. I have been driving trucks for over twenty-five years, and the one I have now is number five (they weren't all mine, but I got to drive them).

I guess it must be where you live. At least I don't drive a Government Motors truck.

I can relate to this:

LINK

Jen said...

Bev, Help the dairy industry? Thanks! A win-win for me! :D

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew - Uh, oh, if you think baboon drivers are bad, then you REALLY won't be happy about this!

http://metro.co.uk/2012/12/11/new-zealand-rescue-dogs-pass-their-driving-tests-3311873/

Jen said...

I petition to remove those who think ALL profits are evil. It was something I heard today that pissed me off again.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Surprisingly, I'm cool with that. If the world wants to give dogs licenses to drive, then who am I to stop them... until I finish that stupidity-killing virus.

AndrewPrice said...

Jen, All profits are evil. So we should take everything the everyone has beyond basic necessities and burn it all. That will teach the world to engage in horrible profiteering!

In fact, we should stop all commerce except the commerce needed to provide 1500 calories a day to each person. Anything beyond that is simply capitalist exploitation.

BevfromNYC said...

So since all profits are evil, then we really need to go with Scott's petition. No need for profits ergo, no more Evil. Hey, we've jumped from Nobel in Economics to the Peace Prize!! WOOP, WOOP, WOOP!!!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, I like it. We'll just declare all future debt void and we'll seize all profits of any kind and burn them in a huge pile... with some rich witches. No doubt, it will be paradise after that! :D

Do they still call it a Peace Prize or did they rename it the Sucker Prize for Hopestry?

tryanmax said...

I have a better idea. I petition we continue making profits, but that they all be confiscated and sent to backwards, er, I mean, victim nations as reparations for all the unfair unfairness they unfairly have to endure.

BevfromNYC said...

Well, since Obama won it for doing...well nothing, we should call it the "Hope For Peace Prize...Not"

AndrewPrice said...

I think we should call it the Nobel Prize for Anticipatory Hope. :)


tryanmax, That would be rotten of us, to send our evil to backwards nations. They should not be a dumping ground for things we don't want!

Jen said...

Boy, someone sure has an anger management problem, but not me, I can manage my anger just fine.

BevfromNYC said...

Jen - I think I may have to break out the puppy and kitten photos again.

tryanmax said...

Thank you for setting me straight, Andrew. I'm apparently so racist that I didn't even know how racist I am. Fortunately, I can assuage my guilt by petitioning my government to make other people pay for it.

AndrewPrice said...

Anger management is admitting defeat. I believe in anger prevention... strike first... stop anger at the root.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, I have to admit that I am a little shocked that you would so callously advocate dumping our profits on those poor people.

Actually, all silliness aside, isn't it hilarious how the left thinks? All profits are evil... so we want take them from you so we can have them? I actually wrote about that for tonight's article. Maybe I should publish that?

tryanmax said...

Andrew, only if you have a line in there about how the left thinks the Laffer curve illustrates how many times you can repeat a joke before it stops being funny. (Sorry, I can't put the silliness aside once it starts getting late.)

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, I don't, but it really fits our conversation. As you can tell, I've been in a bit of a mood regarding the idiocy coming from the left of late.

(I published it.)

Jen said...

Andrew, I had no idea that anger management is admitting defeat. I can go for your version of anger prevention.

Bev, will this work?

LINK

Jen said...

Andrew said:

As you can tell, I've been in a bit of a mood regarding the idiocy coming from the left of late.

Ya think?

AndrewPrice said...

Jen, Of course it is. Anger management suggests that it is hopeless to end the cause of your anger and that you should instead learn not to get upset at it. F-that. Stop the anger at the source... eliminate the cause.

Jen said...

I had no idea. I don't get upset at my anger, and I thought it meant your version.

BevfromNYC said...

Jen - THAT is a great video. It is just another sign that cats are evolving rapidly and will soon take over the world.

Individualist said...

I would petition the whitehouse to ignore all petitions....

especially mine!

Jen said...

Bev, My barn kitties already have that in mind. I can't keep dogs here because they won't stay away from the highway (the cats won't either, but there are others to take their place). It started with "Mama kitty" who came from another farm two years ago (I already knew her, and was surprised she showed up here--over a mile away).

P.S. Have you checked the Commentarama-nary? I added to it.

rlaWTX said...

I'm a bit late to the parade, but y'all are awesome! I needed the chuckle...

Jen, I'm with you in defense of pickup drivers. (Disclosure: I drive a pre-bailout Chevy Silverado) I love my truck!!!! !!!!

Our drivers here have forgotten all the rules of road courtesy - like pulling into the right lane when you are going slower than the guy behind you. On the hwys, I HATE having to pass on the right - but I will and I'll be shooting you dirty looks and thinking angry thought while I do it! And pulling over for emergency vehicles - some twit ran into a cop with his lights on on Tuesday, shoving his car into someone who was stopped. Idiot.

OH PETITION: the last 30,000 people who have moved into Midland, TX, have to move back where they came from!!! Effective immediately! So, yeah, our unemployment will go from 3.5% to 1% and all of our fast food places will close - but the lessening of traffic will be worth it!!!! (and get off my lawn!)

Sidenote: I am soliciting prayers for my grandfather. My grandmother passed away early Tuesday morning. They were married just shy of 60 years, and my granpa ADORED my granma. He's 9 years older (93) than she was, so outliving her was NOT in his plan...
[my g'ma was diagnosed on 11/19 with a fast-growing, malignant brain tumor and given a prognosis of about 2 months. We had 3 1/2 weeks.]

BevfromNYC said...

My condolences for your Grandmother. And your Grandfather will definitely be in my prayers.

What a blessing that they had almost 60 years together and that you had your grandparents for so long.

AndrewPrice said...

rlaWTX, Sorry to hear about your grandmother. My condolences and best wishes to you and your family.

rlaWTX said...

thank you very much...

Jen said...

rlaWTX, Ditto from me as well.

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