Monday, February 15, 2016

Idiot Grade Paranoia

OMG! Justice Scalia was murdered by a pillow! No... wait. He was killed by Russian Terminator Robots which snuck across the Mexican border to stop him from stopping Obama from stopping the government from deporting illegal Mexican pedophiles!!

Ug. Why do so many people insist on going full retard?
Repeat after me... NO ONE KILLED Justice Scalia.

There are no terminator robots. Real robots can barely even walk.

Mexico is out of Mexicans. The 11 million who are here illegally represent only 3% of the country.

Donald Trump is a douche bag.

Russia is a paper tiger.

Cops are not hunting black men.

Back on this Scalia thing. It is highly, highly unlikely that the Republicans will refuse to confirm Obama's nominee. It's just too hard politically to deny a President a high profile nominee for 10 months. It's possible, but it seems unlikely. When talk radio whines that the GOP needs to do this, they are blowing hard.

Ok. Back to it.
Repeat after me... Kanye West is a douche bag.

No one is spying on me. I'm not that important.

Ranchers who try to steal federal land are not heroes.

Putin is a douche bag. He and Trump and Kanye should have a convention.

China is a paper tiger. It will never surpass the US.

I think it's pathetic that the NFL-covering "media" is obsessed with destroying Peyton Manning to defend Tom Brady. If the public bought this crap, then tell me why Manning stars in dozens of commercials and Brady only appears in one national campaign.

No one killed Justice Scalia!
No one.
Not even a pillow.

Stay off Drudge drugs, it will make you stupid.

On second thought. Just for fun. Why doesn't everyone spin their stupidest conspiracy theories involving Scalia's death!

28 comments:

Joel Farnham said...

1st conspiracy theory.

Scalia was killed for click bait. Since Trump is in the news all the time, the "Media" decided to off Scalia. More revenue. You can't put anything past those lefties.

2nd conspiracy theory.

Republican party killed Scalia to force the American People to not vote for Trump. Theory being Trump will put his liberal sister in. Trump is on record saying his sister will make a terrific supreme court justice.

3rd conspiracy theory.

Obama needs a legacy. Putting a leftist jurist in place of the most conservative jurist will cement it. Certain black ops agents were responsible. It will come out in 99+ years.

On Trump is a douche bag. You might be on to something there.

BevfromNYC said...

I am trying to come up with a plausible conspiracy, but I can't get passed the fact he was 79 yrs old.

Oh, wait, here's at least one...GOD HATES US

I now will retreat to the dark corner of my mind-prison and remain in a fetal position for the rest of the year. 8-P

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, "click bait"!! Brilliant! When the internet achieves sentience, the world will be arranged to feed the need for click bait! LOL!

Actually, I love all your theories! Nicely done!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, God doesn't hate us. God just likes to jerk us around for fun.

"God said, 'Let there be light... except when you need it.' And a mighty laugh came from the Heavens followed by the word, 'Suckas.'"

BevfromNYC said...

It is interesting that Scalia is reported to have been found with a pillow over his head and the family refused an autopsy...

http://nypost.com/2016/02/15/scalia-found-dead-with-pillow-over-his-head-ranch-owner/

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Honestly, it means nothing. Any detail you give can be spun into something "unusual". People sleep in all kinds of funky ways and they die in all kinds of unusual positions. The pillow means nothing.

And few people want an autopsy because it really makes a mess of the body. Unless there's reason to suspect foul play, people don't do autopsies.

ScottDS said...

Andrew, as a child of the 80s, I'm quite familiar with the "Just Say No to Drudge" campaign. :-)

AndrewPrice said...

Scott, It's funny how hard the left ridiculed that message even as it proved to be highly effective and even as they had since adopted the same tactics with things like PSAs to stop whatever conduct they don't like.

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew, just so you know, I don't think Scalia's death is in anyway suspicious. He was a 79 yr old man with a history of heart problems. But I still think God is yanking our chain...

And I think Drudge has his uses. But he is is no worse than HuffPo...

tryanmax said...

I'm just waiting for the black underage prostitute to turn up.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, Exactly. It's not suspicious at all. 79 is still a likely age to die. Heart problems lower the age.

And yeah, God is yanking out chain. I have no doubt about that.

Drudge = Huffpo = Infowars = DailyKos. They are all card carrying members of the looney bin and are promoting similar insane paranoid theories, just with different punch lines.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, I almost seems like that needs to happen next, doesn't it?

Critch said...

I think that people who buy into these stories are scared that in fact their lives have no real order to them other than the decisions made by them, people who cann effect them and the whims of their own body...I'm sure Justice Scalia didn't want to die, but it was his time, he was older than most people, it was just his time. But I know people who see Illuminati/Masons/Catholics/Protestants/Muslims etc in everything that happens...

tryanmax said...

I see I'm going to have to try a little harder. I'm waiting for the report that the late Justice's last words were, "Your money's on the dresser, Chocolate." ;-)

tryanmax said...

Critch, you forgot to list the Bilderbergers. I only bring them up because it is one of my fantasies to start a Fuddruckers-style restaurant called "Build-a-Burger" with the slogan "So delicious, you'll think it's a conspiracy."

AndrewPrice said...

Critch, That's what conspiracy theory is often about. It's an attempt by people who feel that the world is too random and chaotic to try to bring order to it. It becomes easier to believe that everything is planned and that if we could just expose the bad guys, then everything would be great.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, That would be hilarious! You should call your franchise Bilderburger's. Then go with your slogan! "Conspiratorially good!" LOL!

Tennessee Jed said...

Jack Ryan's son got Mitch Rapp to take him out.

Tennessee Jed said...

... or Colonel Mustard, in the bedroom ... with a pillow

AndrewPrice said...

Jed, LOL! So it was Colonel Mustard after all!

Joel Farnham said...

Glenn Beck: God Brought About Scalia’s Death So America Would Vote For Ted Cruz.

Check out my second conspiracy theory. Replace Republicans with God and you get Glenn Beck. That is just creepy.

AndrewPrice said...

Joel, Beck goes really crazy at times.

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew, I know Beck is nuts. I was just joking. I didn't think someone would actually come up with something that stupid.

The only thing I am wondering now, is Ted Cruz regretting Glenn Beck's endorsement?

FWIW, Scalia had health problems and was under a doctor's care at the time. Case in point, he wasn't healthy enough to undergo a shoulder operation. From what I remember, an autopsy is not required unless the person was not under a doctor's care. I know he was a Supreme Court Justice, but....

Joel Farnham said...

Andrew, Beck is well on his way to being certifiably insane. In the wake of Ted Cruz's loss yesterday, Beck is now fasting and calling all others to fast for Ted Cruz.

tryanmax said...

OMG, is that for real. It sounds almost too crazy for Beck. I bet it's just a weight loss scheme.

Joel Farnham said...

tryanmax,
Beck's call to fast aka Beckfast. I couldn't resist.

It is a Breit Bart link. I wonder if Beck is going to work it as Jesse Jackson did his. Jackson had other individuals take over his fast so Jackson could eat.

NoDhimmi said...

Russia is a paper tiger.
China is a paper tiger. It will never surpass the US.

Both childhood fantasies. China has already surpassed the USA and will continue to do so for decades. RU still living in the 1950's??

AndrewPrice said...

Childhood fantasy? Hardly. I'm just not a paranoid dipshit like you.

China's GNP has peaked at 75% of the US's. Their demographics are a nightmare in the making. Their military is second rate. Their politics are corrupt and unstable.

Russia? Russia is a third world backward.

Sorry, buddy.

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