Okay, I just can't help myself. Poor Carlos Danger...er...Anthony "The Situation" Weiner. Everyone is begging him to drop out of the NYC mayoral race. From Diane Feinstein to Debbie Wasserman Schultz, they all want him to drop off the face of the Earth as quickly as possible, but he is resolute. He will not drop out.
It's hard to believe that Democrats could be embarrassed by anything, but they have finally met their match with the Weiner. Heck, the poor guy can't catch a break! And, let's just say that "The Clintons" are really not happy as they keep getting draw ever more deeply into the his issues. Well, it's just plain embarrassing for them. They just don't want to be reminded of the "Clinton" years. And, as it was reported today, the long-suffering Huma Abedin, wife of the obstinate mayoral candidate, is taking an "extended leave of absence" as right-hand person to the Hillary Clinton 2016 "Will she run/won't she run" Presidential campaign.
So because I just can't pass up an opportunity to embarrass the Clintons, let's play "Caption This!"
or this...
Try your hardest [{{{{snicker}}}}] to do your best or worst depending...
Oh, and if things couldn't get any better (or worse) for the Clintons, it was reported today that certain tapes of the Lewinsky situation that were supposed to have been destroyed in the late '90's are about the resurface at the behest of the National Inquirer ...
Yeah, yeah, we all know that Sydney Leathers is going to be porn star...see what you can do with that!
Why do I feel like Hedda Hopper right now?
As always, prizes will be awarded to the winner...
It's hard to believe that Democrats could be embarrassed by anything, but they have finally met their match with the Weiner. Heck, the poor guy can't catch a break! And, let's just say that "The Clintons" are really not happy as they keep getting draw ever more deeply into the his issues. Well, it's just plain embarrassing for them. They just don't want to be reminded of the "Clinton" years. And, as it was reported today, the long-suffering Huma Abedin, wife of the obstinate mayoral candidate, is taking an "extended leave of absence" as right-hand person to the Hillary Clinton 2016 "Will she run/won't she run" Presidential campaign.
So because I just can't pass up an opportunity to embarrass the Clintons, let's play "Caption This!"
or this...
Try your hardest [{{{{snicker}}}}] to do your best or worst depending...
Oh, and if things couldn't get any better (or worse) for the Clintons, it was reported today that certain tapes of the Lewinsky situation that were supposed to have been destroyed in the late '90's are about the resurface at the behest of the National Inquirer ...
Yeah, yeah, we all know that Sydney Leathers is going to be porn star...see what you can do with that!
Why do I feel like Hedda Hopper right now?
As always, prizes will be awarded to the winner...
40 comments:
Bev, Not a caption, as I'll need to think about that but...
Leathers has now described poor Wiener as "a needy little bitch." She also said that "As funny as it would be to have a mayor Carlos Danger, I think he's a little too busy jacking off." Stay classy my friend.
These two really deserve each other. Someone should do a reality show in which they're forced to spend a year together in a small room... with a variety of weapons.
The reality show should include Monica Lewinsky, and the San Diego. Btw, did you read that the Mayor is being sued by the city to recover costs from, I assume, any pending or future sexual harassment suits?
Bev, We could call it House of Scandal and anyone involved in a sex scandal would be sentenced to spend a year there, in this 8-10 room with the others... and one bed.
I did not hear they are suing, but that's kind of funny.
Carlos Danger? I'm just mild mannered Anthony Weiner not some superhero. He sounds awesome though.
Buy my tapes and I will show you how to take professional quality pictures in only 5 minutes.
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Koshcat, It is amazing how often that song comes in handy in my life. LOL!
1st pic-
"Adrian Monk, Without a Clue, a Nurse, or a Box of Tissues"
2nd pic-
"Hi. I am the Weiner. I speak for the Weiners, for the Weiners have no tongues.
Though my tongue is overweighting my misshapen head, threatening to bring it down and cut off air to my lungs."
3rd pic-
(pretend this is the original "Mortal Kombat" game)
Scorpion: "Get over here!"
(Leathers turns around)
Scorpion: "Stay over there!"
1st pic: ".......and then I said Hillary, what do you think about the current situation in.....(hey, why isn't anyone listening to me? Maybe I need to wear something a little more risqué!)
2nd pic: Anthony Weiner aka 'Carl Dagner' - 0 likes/0 friends
3rd pic: "Sydney, your skin is so tanned, it's like......King Ranch leather"
#1 Hi, my name is Carlos, and I'm a sexaholic. See how I've outline my package on my jeans in white!
#2 Hi, I'm Carlos "the situation" Danger. Would you rather have me strip off my blouse and make my "pec'.s" dance, or watch this cool video I made of me playing "Beaver takes a flashlight to bed and plays pup tent."
#3 "Think Clarisse-- we all covet what we see first."
#1 - "Yes, it IS that big..., next question."
#2 - "Yes, this is the very hand...next question."
#3 - There is nothing more to say but, really, just go away. Your 15 minutes are up. You are actually making Weiner look like a victim.
Koshcat,
Shut it with your stuffy classical music...
"House of Scandal"! They should have to do weekly competitions like "Dismiss'N Deny Early Reports", "Dodge the Press Corps", and "Watch My Poll" and at the end there should be an execution or, at least a symbolic political suicide for the losers every week just to add some "Danger".
Okay, I may just have given this a smidgen too much thought...
Andrew, it would be funnier if they were locked in said small room together without any weapons, to see if one will finally kill the other with their bare hands. Okay, maybe not funnier, but....yes, funnier. I stand by it.
For number three: "Sure, Europe's not that far. Just start swimming... you'll be there in minutes.
For number two: "Nanoo, nanoo."
For number one: "Who stole my 'Will text for sex.' sign?!"
T-Rav, LOL! Definitely funnier!
1st pic: "Seriously. It's this big."
2nd pic: "Talk to the hand. 'Cos the Wiener ain't list'nin'"
3rd pic: Sydney's tramp-stamp is continuously increasing in area.
I just had to go find this: LINK
THIS JUST IN!
Jimmy McMillan, 2009 "Rent Is Too Damn High" mayoral candidate has just endorsed Anthony Weiner. Phew...we can all exhale now.
1. "What? Don't my healthcare rants get you hot anymore?!"
2. "Don't worry. I washed it first."
3. Ms. Leathers flashes a not-so-much "come-hither" look as a "come-hindrance" look.
1.)
-"Where the hell is my cell phone?!?!"
-Anthony Weiner (pictured above) wonders where his poll numbers have gone.
-Carlos Danger, after suffering a major blow to the head, wanders New York City under the belief that he is a philandering New York politician.
-"ANYONE WANT TO SEE MY PENIS!!!!!"
2.)
-"Look, I can do it with my left hand while I'm waving my right. I'm ambidextrous!"
-"Why hello there, ma'am. Do you want to see my dick?"
3.)
-"I've got bigger tats than that girl who slept with Sandra Bullock's husband."
-"Dirty Carlos? I'm up for it."
Kit, I never in my life thought I would hear you reference a Dirty Carlos. LOL!
wahsatchmo, "come-hinderance"... awesome!
I have no idea where I heard about it (probably South Park).
Read at your own risk: Dirty Sanchez.
Seriously, don't read unless you have a strong stomach.
Andrew,
I know what it is.
But a Dirty Carlos is, for the purposes of this joke... wherever your mind refuses to go because sometimes horror and humor are closer than we think.
Anyway, MORE CAPTIONS!!!!
1.)
-"How come Bill Clinton never had these problems!"
-"Come on! Its not like I'm sleeping with 'em!"
2.)
-"Hello, my name is Anthony Weiner and I've texted a photo of my penis to five different women today."
-"Would you like to follow me on twitter?"
-(On a Valentine's Day card) "Will you be my Facebook friend?"
3.)
-"And not just the Dirty Carlos." (wink)
-Whoever can look at that back the longest without throwing up wins. GO!
-He cheated on this with that? WTF?!
It looks like you guys called it correctly: LINK
1.)
-"Am I really that pathetic!"
-"WHY THE HELL DID MARVEL KILL OFF PETER PARKER?!?!? WHY?!?!?!?!?"
2.)
-"You know, unlike Bloomberg, I don't care what you put in your mouth. Really, I don't."
3.)
-Sydney Leathers: Making Monica look classy!
For my next prediction:
Sydney Leathers and her Mom (her name is probably Polly-Ester Leathers) will do a reality show and be the next Kardashian-like Mother/Daughter team.
Countdown to Catastrophe
AUGUST 1, 1914 (99 years ago today…) -Part 1 of 5
Early Morning
-British Foreign Office receives reports from Viviani that “German patrols twice penetrated our territory.’ A lie, but there’s no way for the British to know that. Viviani also lies that all French units are staying 10 kilometers from the border. (They’re right next to it.) Viviani also states that his government is determined to make sure Germany looks like the aggressor. Undersecretary Nicolson is awakened after the note is received; he then wakes up Prime Minster Asquith. (Why nobody bothered to wake up Grey is unknown.)
The Office then receives a note from Bethmann, who announces the 12-hour ultimatum to Russia. He declares it’s strictly precautionary, and that Germany has asked France directly if it will remain neutral or not.
Nicolson, Asquith, and other staffers then write a plea for King George to sign and send to Czar Nicholas asking that military action be stopped.
1:00 AM -Asquith, Nicolson, and others arrive at Buckingham Palace. Having just woken up, King George signs the telegram.
2:00 AM -Asquith’s secretary arrives at the German embassy and asks Ambassador Lichnowsky to ask Berlin to appeal directly to St. Petersburg.
-German leaders wire London, pledging to respect Belgian neutrality.
3:30 AM -King George’s telegram is wired to the British Embassy in St. Petersburg. Buchanan is to deliver it personally.
7:00 AM -After checking on Grey, but not bothering to wake him, Nicolson and General Sir Henry Wilson, Britain’s director of military operations, write another telegram for the king, this time to Poincare. It promises British mediation and that all parties will be respected.
8:00 AM -In Paris, Joffre gives War Minister Messimy a note detailing the need for immediate French mobilization in response to German mobilization (actually, French sources have only seen the action of pre-mobilization in Germany.) To prevent Germany from getting a head start, Joffre says that “the last possible time limit for publishing the order would expire at 4 P.M.” (Any later, and mobilization won’t be able to begin at midnight and would only be delayed another day.) Joffre then threatens to resign if mobilization isn’t instantly ordered. Messimy can only tell Joffre to meet with other leaders at Elysee Palace.
9:00 AM -French Cabinet meets, and Joffre again calls for immediate mobilization, saying the same things he said to Messimy. It’s also at this time the Cabinet becomes aware that Italy- through a secret report from Italian Foreign Minister Antonio San Giuliano- will not support Germany and Austria. Italy says its treaty with those two is defensive only, and this war is an act of aggression. Therefore, there is no obligation. France doesn’t have to defend its Italian border.
Countdown to Catastrophe
AUGUST 1, 1914 (99 years ago today…) -Part 2 of 5
Morning
-Lichnowsky meets with Grey’s secretary, Sir Tyrell, with a new idea. (See below.)
-In Berlin, Bethmann addresses the Bundesrat- the upper chamber of the German government, similar to America’s Senate and Britain’s House of Lords- which is required to approve war declarations. Bethmann mocks Russia’s claim that mobilization isn’t meant for war with Germany. He also warns that time is being lost if German mobilization doesn’t start. Hew also says that if France doesn’t declare neutrality, they’ll be seen as the enemy. The Bundesrat unanimously approves the move to war.
“If the iron dice now must roll, then may God help us.”
-Bethmann to the Bundesrat
11:00 AM
-In London, the British Cabinet is also in session. Churchill courts his former Liberal mentor, David Lloyd George, who hasn’t made up his mind on the situation. Churchill then speaks for an hour on the need to declare war, but is told no by the Cabinet. Interestingly, the Cabinet also refuses to pledge not to do anything- largely because Grey threatened to resign if they did so. (He would probably be followed by Churchill, bringing down the Liberal government.) Grey only promises to warn Lichnowsky that a German attack on neutral Belgium would make it hard for Britain to stay out.
-In Paris, Viviani leaves the Cabinet meeting to meet Ambassador Schoen, who wants a reply on France’s intentions if a German-Russian war breaks out. Viviani only says that “France will act according to her interests.” Schoen inquires about the Franco-Russian alliance, but Schoen is evasive again. Viviani leaves the meeting convinced that Germnay is uncertain, but may be holding onto hope for peace.
Viviani returns to the meeting where, as the last holdout against war- like Tisza in Austria-Hungary- he finally caves. He, Poincare, and the naval minister sign a general mobilization order into law.
11:14 AM -Lichnowsky reports to Berlin “that in the event of our not attacking France, England, too, would remain neutral and would guarantee France’s passivity.” Lichnowsky assures that Grey could “take responsibility for such a guarantee.” Lichnowsky promises Tyrell he’ll use all his influence to stop Germany from attacking France.
Noon
-Deadline for Russian response arrives and nothing is heard.
-In Brussels, German Ambassador Below tells the Belgian government that “Belgium has nothing to fear from Germany.”
12:52 PM -Jagow wires a declaration of war to Pourtales in St. Petersburg. It is to be delivered at 5 PM Berlin time (6:30 PM St. Petersburg time) in order to give Russia some more time to respond.
Countdown to Catastrophe
AUGUST 1, 1914 (99 years ago today…) -Part 3 of 5
1:00 PM -Deadline for France to respond to German inquiry passes. Bethmann wires Schoen, saying France can have two more hours.
2:00 -The Czar sends the latest “Willy-Nicky” telegram. He understands the need for German mobilization, but asks for a guarantee that it won’t lead to war.
3:30 PM -General Ebener, aide to Minister Messimy, arrives with other officers at the central telegraph office at Rue Saint-Domingue with the mobilization order in hand.
3:45 PM -Paris’ central telegraph office sends out the mobilization order to all French commanders.
FRANCE ORDERS GENERAL MOBILIZATION
4:00 PM -Crowds gather in Berlin. A journalist writes the air “is electric with rumor…the afternoon passed in almost insufferable anxiety.”
Fahlkenhayn, worried about German mobilization still being delayed, checks with Bethmann. They agree it’s time to start.
-The first of France’s blue placards announcing general mobilization are put on the streets of Paris. Thousands of Frenchmen take to the empty streets (all cars have been requisitioned for the war effort); tourists rush to get out of town (one Briton said the trains were “packed to suffocation point”).
At the same time, Viviani asks Messimy if mobilization could be postponed, claiming he learned from Paleologue that Germany is also about to mobilize. Messimy regretfully says it’s too late.
4:23 PM -Lichnowsky’s 11:14 telegram arrives at the Wilhelmstrasse. It is rushed to Charlottenburg. Jagow wires it to Schoen in Paris at 4:45 PM.
5:00 PM -At the palace in Charlottenburg, Kaiser Wilhelm signs the mobilization order, which is to begin over the next few hours. Fahlkenhayn later recalled that when he shook the Kaiser;s hand, both of them “had tears in their eyes.” It is immediately made public.
Minutes later
-Lichnowsky’s telegram arrives. Moltke and Fahlkenhayn leave to send out mobilization orders before the Kaiser can change his mind again.
Countdown to Catastrophe
AUGUST 1, 1914 (99 years ago today…) -Part 4 of 5
5:10 PM -Moltke and Fahlkenhayn are summoned back to the palace. Grey’s latest proposal is read. The Kaiser says, “now we can go to war against Russia only. We simply march the whole of our army to the East!" Moltke can’t believe his ears.
-Germany’s war plan- the Schlieffen Plan- is designed to swing through France, turn around, and then attack Russia in the east. The version drafted by General Alfred von Schlieffen (Chief of Staff 1890 to 1906, died 1913) had a rigid deadline of Paris by M+40. (M+1 being mobilization day.) However, since 1906, Moltke and his prior assistant, Major Erich Ludendorff, had modified the plan, weakening the massive right wing (replacing men with big guns) to swing through France while strengthening defenses in the south against French invasion (coincidentally, the actual French plan.) It has more flexibility, allowing for unexpected obstacles. The tinkering was so extensive that Schlieffen, in retirement, publicly protested the change. However, the plan was still based on fighting France and Russia together (because of their alliance). Moltke, nephew and namesake of Moltke the Elder, is a stubborn man who didn’t like his plans- which involved more 11,000 trains operating in unison- being changed. (Interestingly, until 1913, Germany had worked on a plan to fight Russia alone. Work was, for some reason, discontinued.) Pessimistic, inflexible (as opposed to his uncle, who stressed flexibility), and called “der trauige Julius (“Gloomy Gus”) by the Kaiser, Moltke refused to alter his plans- which include seizing key railroads in Luxembourg only hours after the start of mobilization to gain the upper hand against France.
“It can’t be done,” he says. The Kaiser looks at him angrily and says, “your uncle would’ve given me a different answer.” An order is drafted to stop the 16th Division from entering Luxembourg. The Kaiser sends a response to Grey’s plan to King George.
6:40 -The order for Germany’s 16th Division- which Moltke refused to sign- is sent out. “Crushed,” he goes home where he “burst into tears of abject despair.”
7:00 PM -As scheduled, Lieutenant Feldmann and members of the German 69th Regiment, 16th Division, cross the border to Trois Verges in Luxembourg, seizing the railway and telegraph stations.
FIRST WESTERN MILITARY MOVES OF WORLD WAR I.
-Pourtales arrives at Sazonov’s office. He asks if Russia will give a ‘favorable reply.’ ‘Nyett.’ Pourtales repeats his question two more times. Sazonov finally says, “I have no other reply to give you.” Trembling, Pourtales hands him the declaration. There are two accounts of what happened next.
One, attributed to Pourtales, claims the two then began blaming each other. Sazonov says Germany encouraged Austria, and is to blame. Pourtales says those who pushed Russia to fight are the perpetrators. (He doesn’t know Sazonov was the architect of Russia’s war push.)
The other account (from French Ambassador Paleologue, from what Sazonov may have told him), goes:
S: “The curses of the nations will be upon you!”
P: We are defending our honor.”
S: “Your honor is not involved. But there is a divine justice!”
P: “That is true.”
Whatever was said, Pourtales then asks for passports and leaves, pale and whispering, “goodbye.”
GERMANY AND RUSSIA ARE NOW AT WAR.
Countdown to Catastrophe
AUGUST 1, 1914 (99 years ago today…) -Part 5 of 5
7:30 PM -A group of automobiles arrives in Trois Verges, and orders the German soldiers to come back. (The order finally went through.) They say “a mistake had been made.”
8:00 PM -Moltke is sent away from the palace by the Kaiser.
-Only minutes later, another telegram arrives from Lichnowsky. It says England will stay neutral even if general war between Germany, Russia, and France breaks out. Hopes run high.
Night
-Churchill orders the British Navy to mobilize. Asquith permits this action without Cabinet approval.
11:00 PM
-Moltke is summoned back to the palace in Charlottenburg. He meets the Kaiser, who just got out of bed. Wilhelm received a telegram from Lichnowsky, clarifying that Grey hadn’t made such offers for British neutrality after all. Grey also mentioned Belgium neutrality as an important factor in Britain’s impending decision.
There are two stories to this. One, that Grey- who had developed a nebulous, vague way of talking, even for diplomats- was grossly misunderstood by Lichnowsky. (After the war, Lichnowsky himself said this to defend his friend, Grey.) Two, Grey did make the proposals, but backed off at the last minute. (Evidence for this includes the fact that copies of the telegrams sent to Berlin were sent to Paris as well.)
The All-High Warlord of Germany, wearing a military jacket over his nightshirt, simply tells Moltke, “now you can do what you want.”
Rustbelt, Today's post raises two issues that I discussed a long time ago with a history teacher of mine.
First, it seems that Austria and France really are the two aggressors who started WWI.
Secondly, it strikes me that if Germany had not invaded Belgium, but had just gone through the Maginot Line (which they actually managed to do fairly quickly), then they would have wiped out France without Britain helping and the war would have been very different.
Actually, Andrew, there are a few differences. First, the Maginot Line wasn't built until after WWI. (And the equipment Germany used in 1940 was nowhere in existence in 1914.) In its place were a chain of forts anchored by the fortress of Verdun. Verdun had been modernized in the first decade of the 20th Century (unlike Belgium's forts of Liege and Namur, updated in the 1890's). Verdun had massive defenses, including the latest in retractable pillboxes. During the war, it proved to be an impossible nut to crack. German forces managed to surround it, (forming, on a map, the famous "Verdun salient"), but never took the fort.
The Schieffen Plan took those French forts into account, determining that invasion there was impossible and that the plains of Belgium and northern France were the only remaining option. In this case, France guessed right in defending her border. They guessed wrong in thinking that Germany would still attack there.
As a military option, Belgium made perfect sense. As a political option, I'm sure Moltke the Elder would've said, "don't do it."
In the case of France and Russia, I couldn't agree more. In fact, in the course of this project, I've come to believe their war guilt more and more. As for "what ifs," imagine how history would've been written if Germany had won. How would France and Russia have been portrayed then?
Crap. I rammed two issues together. I blame being tired. :D
No problem. I completely sympathize. You know, in the course of going crazy during this project, there are times I've wondered if I might up one of WWI's victims more than 94 years after the fact!
LOL! Don't let that happen. Think of all the history books that would need to be opened to be revised! ;P
Yeah...but what a way to leave my mark!
True. What a way to go!
Well, time to move onto the issue of Belgium and see if Britain can grow a brain. [insert the Scarecrow's music here] Every time something happens, you hold out hope that someone will act smart, but then you remember how the movie ends. Frustrating, really.
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