Tuesday, November 1, 2016

RSVP Cruelty

I want to talk about something that is pissing me off. First though, I shall toss out some political stuff.

Here's the political stuff:
● According to The Hill, the FBI has investigated Trump's connections to Russia and found none. No surprise there actually if you think about it. The rumor mill won't like it, but I'm sure they'll ignore it. It also contradicts Harry Reid who is claiming the FBI found "something explosive"... what a liar. And it contradicts Slate, which is claiming that an unnamed scientist did some magic investigation and discovered that a server at one of Trump's properties has "unusual" (unspecified) connections to a Russian bank.

● CNN has sacrificed Donna Brazile after it was discovered that she fed Clinton two debate questions before the debate. Note that feeding one question is ok, but two will not be tolerated! So much for any real attempt to maintain professional ethics. As an aside, recall also that none of them got fired for the Journo-list either. Ditto on all the reporters who are married to Democratic figures, or who came from Democratic campaigns or administrations. So bias is cool. Just don't get caught... twice.

● Obama is regretting letting young people stay on their parents' health plans because he now realizes that those people could have been forced into the exchanges and made to help reduce the rates. Ha ha. Maybe he should just put everyone in the exchanges on their parents' plans too?

● Ryan and Cruz both voted for Trump. Kasich did not. He apparently wrote-in John McCain's name. Way to shoot blanks, John.
So here's the other thing I want to talk about: RSVP's!

There was an article online the other day, ironically right after I vented on this topic to someone, about a mother whose child ended up alone at his birthday party. The kid had handed out invites with an RSVP on it. None of the kids who got the invites RSVP'd or declined the invites. The day of the party came and the kid was waiting for his friends to arrive... and none of them came. Talk about heartbreaking!

I actually ran across this issue for the first time a couple years ago with an article about an autistic child. At the time, there was a lot of speculation related to the kid's autism being the reason people didn't attend. That didn't make it right, but it seemed to explain it to a lot of people. I thought it was asinine and the reason being offered was crap. They still could have had the courtesy to decline no matter what their prejudices.

Either way, it seemed isolated.

Then our girls started having parties. Imagine my surprise to discover that this current generation of parents thinks there's nothing wrong with their kid not only not showing up, but also not telling anyone if they are coming. Last year, a child I know invited eight kids to her birthday and only one showed up... our kid. The others didn't show and never said a word. A few weeks ago, another little girl invited thirteen "friends" to her party, only to have none of them show up. My youngest (who hadn't made the initial cut of 13) found out about this and went to the party just so the little girl wouldn't be alone. I've also heard about a half dozen other times this has happened. This last weekend, we had two separate Halloween parties. One of our girls invited 10 "friends" and got no RSVPs. Six showed up. The other invited 12 and five showed up. One girl RSVP'd. Both parties turned out to be a ton of fun and, frankly, no one missed the kids who didn't show up, but still... WTF?

How selfish is it to make people plan as if you are coming, and then not to come. People buy food, choose cake size and pay fees to party locations based on the number of kids coming. Not to mention, how asinine to leave the kids unsure who else is coming and waiting to start their party. And talk about cruel not to go! This is one of those cuts that does not heal when a child finds themselves rejected by their "friends." Trust me, as a parent, you see the damage this does. It is viciously cruel.

This really bothers me. What the f*** is wrong with parents that they think this is acceptable? Their lazy and/or cowardly and/or opportunistic behavior is scarring kids. It's no wonder the world is messed up if people are teaching their kids that this is acceptable behavior.



ArgentGale said...

I can't say I'm surprised by that observation about the invites. It's not much better in the adult world, either. Both me and my friends have arranged for birthday parties and general get togethers at various places and have had a significant number of people either not reply or say they're coming but then never show up. Very few of them give reasons for this.

Still, what you're describing with the kids parties is a lot more disturbing. I can't quite articulate it but it sounds like some kind of apathy is becoming acceptable, or at least something people are becoming resigned to. I'm not sure what it is or what it's going to take to change minds but it's definitely a crappy situation

AndrewPrice said...

Daniel, I really don't get it. These people have their own kids. You would think they would get how devastating this can be for kids. Yet, they don't care.

And let me repeat, this isn't an isolated thing. If it was just one or two kids, I could see a lot of reasons. Maybe the kid is just confused about who their friends are. But it's not that. And even then, why don't the parents at least decline?

I find it shocking, and I think it speaks to something society has lost -- a sense of moral responsibility for each other. It's the same way idiots drive through fog without turning on their lights because it doesn't help them see so why should they bother... never mind that it keeps other people from hitting them.

Koshcat said...

Interesting as we haven't experienced that problem or at least not yet. My daughter just hosted a Halloween party about 6 of her friends. With them, her and her brother, that made 8 kids which is plenty. There were some she didn't invite for a couple reasons. One, we limited it. And two there could have been an incident between the guests. All came and had a good time. Even 2 come who weren't sure if they were going to be able but they let us know that in advance. I guess only one didn't show but I don't remember if she rsvp.

Koshcat said...

The actions of the FBI don't seem coincidental. I think they are still pissed about the server deal, pissed the justice department probably refused to consider charges and pissed they were left holding a stinking bag of crap. They may not have been willing to bring down a major candidate but they are willing to bleed her a little.

The actions of Wikileaks is also interesting. I don't like the idea of hacking someone's email but as public servents they should have been public. When asked why they haven't released anything on trump, Assange stated that if there was something to release he would have. He also stated Trump has done most of the damage on stage himself. While I don't like Trump, I am getting the feeling that what you see is who he is. An asshole but an honest? asshole.

AndrewPrice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AndrewPrice said...

Sorry, Daniel. That was meant in response to you.

Daniel, I can't quite articulate it either, but I agree entirely. It's like there's some form of indifference to the effects of your actions that is now the norm. It's troublesome.

And in the cases of these kids, it's heartbreaking. The little girl whose party my youngest went to was almost inconsolable at first and you could see that this was one of those moments that would stick with her forever.

I just can't believe people think it's ok to do this. My parents would have blistered my rear if I'd just blown off someone's party.

AndrewPrice said...

Koshcat, I'm glad you haven't encountered it yet. I'm seeing it more and more, and the parents I talk to around here see it more and more.

And like I said, I've seen several articles on it now and the comments on many of those articles are people who have run into it too. It seems to be a growing trend.

AndrewPrice said...

Koshcat, The actions of the FBI strike me as a group who felt that they were being held back for political reasons and took the highest profile moment to make a very big splash in response. I do think there's a message here.

Did you see that the FBI just opened the file on Bill Clinton's pardon of Mark Rich? Interesting timing.

Tennessee Jed said...

I so agree, Andrew. That along with not sending thank you notes for wedding gifts. WTF indeed. Kasich is an incredible pussy. Excuse my language, but he is. It seems to me there needs to be a ton of noise by Congress to have a special prosecutor and get the Clinton cronies away from this. Otherwise, I have no faith that justice will be done.

Koshcat said...

Jed, I agree with you on Kasich and glad he didn't get the nomination.

The reopening of Mark Rich is interesting since he was pardoned. Doubt there is anything there that most of us didn't already expect.

AndrewPrice said...

Agreed Jed. Wedding gifts (and gifts in general) and something that requires a thank you. A relative of my wife's never has her kid thank anyone for gifts they send, so I refuse to send any.

Kasich really proved himself to be a weeny.

Speaking of no faith, it turns out that the FBI person in charge of the email investigation tipped off the Clinton campaign people. Amazing.

AndrewPrice said...

Koshcat, I think the timing on the Rich thing is meant to remind people that the Clinton tentacles have been working a long time and to give a hint of a refresher on Clinton corruption.

ArgentGale said...

It's definitely a sad situation, to say the least, and it's also got me curious as to how many of my friends with kids have had the same thing happen to them or if they know someone who's been through it. I'll have to ask around next time I see some of them. As for parties when I was a kid the parents were more involved in them all around so there wasn't any hiding invitations and my mom never gave me a choice in the matter as far as attending! I wanted to go anyway most of the time but there were one or two invites from kids I that really didn't like. I still ended up going, though, with my mom picking out an appropriate present if necessary.

On the indifference, this does seem to be part of a larger problem, like with the people not turning on their headlights. I haven't seen that much during foggy weather but it's a lot more common during rain down here. I'm not sure what it is that caused this, though on some level I suspect there's some connection to saturation from social media and the like, at least where invites and such go. No such ideas for the traffic idiots, unfortunately.

As for the political stuff, it does look like the same liberal idiocy on a different day, though I still have to shake my head at Kasich. Trump is definitely going to be a bitter pill for a lot of people, and if I'm being completely honest I can't really blame anyone for casting a protest vote, but ultimately it's going to come down to Hillary or Trump regardless. And on that note, Trump's support seems to be solidifying more locally, while opposition to Hillary has definitely spiked. Then again GA is a reliable red state (or it will be unless Atlanta grows to the point where it outvotes the rest of us) so it's not too surprising. I guess we'll see if he can pull it off soon enough.

- Daniel

BevfromNYC said...

Andrew - I am appalled that parents would allow children to just skip out on a party without a word. That's heartbreaking. What are parents thinking? Though sometimes maybe the kids forget to give the invite to the parents too. That's happened with my nephew years ago...he actually volunteered my parents house for a party and, oopise, just forgot to tell them until about two hours before 20 kids were scheduled to come.. Thank goodness I was a set decorator (it was a Halloween party...) and could decorate on the fly...

I don't really care if someone doesn't send me a thank you card. However, more than just for saying "thank you", it is an acknowledgment that you actually received the gift. I learned from my older nieces and nephew who never acknowledging a gift that I would ship to them, so I wasn't even sure that they got it. So, I just started writing checks and would wait for them to clear for confirmation...

AndrewPrice said...

Daniel, I went to my share of parties for kids I didn't like too because my parents made sure we always went if invited. Even the once or twice we didn't, they still sent a gift. And they always let people know if we were coming or not.

On the headlights, I saw the other day in the fog. Probably one in five cars didn't turn on their headlights even though visibility was incredibly limited. I think you're right about it being connected to social media and the such. I think people are getting used to just treating other people like they aren't there if they don't want to deal with it. Think of the "ghosting" phenomena and how those people are likely to act in real life.

On Trump, in the end, I think few of the people who said they would cast a protest vote will -- on either side. As you get this close, you really start to realize why you don't want the other side to win no matter who your turd is.

My German cousins, btw, are shocked at this election. They say they can't understand how this could happen. I told them to wait until after the election and then invade as a favor to American voters... and to bring beer.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, It is appalling. It's really cruel to the kid having the party and what kind of values is that teaching?

That is true that sometimes kids forget the invites. We had one woman call two hours before the party because she just got the invite. That's understandable. But that's not the case for all/most of these people.

On the gifts, what annoys me with my wife's sister is that she really pushes people to send her kids gifts and then it's not even clear that they know that the gifts came from people. We suspect she's telling the kids that they are simply coming from her because the kids don't seem to know they were gifts. That's not cool in my book, so I stopped sending gifts except on rare occasions and when I do, I make sure they knew.

tryanmax said...

As far as I can tell, people still respect the RSVP in my neck of the prairie. That said, we haven't played host ourselves much and, come to think of it, I have noted some rather pointed language on a few invites to the effect of, no RSVP, no food.

tryanmax said...

On the news of the day, I'm amused at the number of headlines declaring that the FBI is just the worst.

BevfromNYC said...

I hear rumors that it was actually the NYPD who tipped off the Feds in the Weiner/Abedin Email-Gate - The Sequel. The REALLY good news is that our US Attorney Preet Bharara has subpoenaed the records along withe the FBI. NYPD declares they have copies of all and many are implicated...translation "Nothing to see here, move along!"

AndrewPrice said...

Oh my! Two run homer in the bottom of the 8th. Score tied. The City of Chicago may commit collective suicide in the morning if they lose this.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, It's amazing how bad Obama's FBI has been and we never had any idea until this week...

ArgentGale said...

Sounds about right on all counts, Andrew, though it took me a minute to remember what ghosting is. There really does seem to be some kind of disconnect here and it's causing problems for a lot of people. If kids getting hurt to that extent doesn't wake some people up I'm not sure what will.

- Daniel

TJ said...

". . .you could see that this was one of those moments that would stick with her forever."

You're right about that Andrew. I recall in 5th grade one of my classmates was having a slumber party and she invited all the girls except me. I actually got up the nerve to ask her why she didn't invite me and she said that she thought my mom wouldn't let me come anyway. I'm in my 50's now and while I don't dwell on it, it still bothers me.

AndrewPrice said...

Hi TJ! I think that's correct. There seem to be certain things that really just cut themselves into people's memory and being rejected like that by people you think are friends is one of them. And you can see it in the kids' eyes too... it stung in each case.

People really need to start thinking more about how their actions affect other people.

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