Wednesday, May 4, 2011

They Should Sell The Naming Rights!

Why would it take 16 hours for Obama to make up his mind once the military brought him the option to take the red or the yellow pill . . . and how many times did people need to slap the yellow pill out of his hand? What could possibly have taken 16 hours to decide? Our sources say it was the operation name. And boy did they miss an opportunity!

According to our sources, the military initially wanted to call this "Operation: Weasel Kill," but Team Obama didn’t think that was respectful enough for a leader like Osama bin Laden. So they decided to name the operation themselves. Sadly, this proved harder than expected.

Hillary first suggested “Operation: Crusader Evader” to highlight that we weren’t at war with Islam. But Obama felt that was still too militant. Hillary then suggested “Operation: I ♥ Islam,” but that was considered inconsistent with certain PR issues currently facing the administration. This spurred the idea of calling it “Operation: This Proves I’m A Christian,” but that was deemed too provocative in that part of the world. . . plus, it wouldn’t fit on the mugs or tee shirts.

Biden then suggested “Operation: De-Toweler” or “Operation: Slurpee Jockey,” but his suggestions were ignored as always.

Then they considered using the operation name to denigrate Bush, but “Operation: Burning Bush” somehow struck them as provocative to Muslims. . . though no one could quite put their fingers on why.

Obama then suggested “Operation: Birther Diverter” but that was considered too obvious. “Operation: Trump Sucks” was rejected for the same reason. “Operation: PXR44378” was considered too impersonal.

Then they hit upon naming this operation after a famous American hero. But who? “Operation: Kennedy” sounded like an assassination, ditto on “Operation: MLK” or “Operation: Lincoln.” “Operation: Washington” wouldn’t play well in flyover country. “Operation: Jefferson” sounded like a sit-com. “Operation: Sacajawea” sounded like a failure.

Finally, it came down to “Operation: Geronimo” or “Operation: Oprah.” Geronimo won it on the coin toss, and it was considered a good choice because no one could possibly be upset by the US government naming an operation to hunt down and kill a terrorist after Geronimo? After all, wasn't he famous for running a casino?

But this was all a missed opportunity. They should have sold the naming rights to someone like Domino's Pizza. Sure, the tee shirts sales with “Obama killed Osama” should be good, but the real money is in selling naming rights! Think about it!

$25 million per minor assassination. . .
$50 million for an air campaign. . .
$100 million for a regional war. . .
$1.2 billion for a world war. . .
Oh yeah, think of the profitably possibilities!

So what would you have named this operation? What else would you sell the naming rights to? What would you have put on the commemorative tee shirts? And did you see they won't release the pictures now? We need an image for the commemorative coin dammit!

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