Saturday, December 8, 2018

Controversial Trump Controversially Flips Coin

AP - According to sources, President Trump was given an alleged coin by Russian sources who took the coin from US circulation, diminishing the economy. Trump fondled the coin, drawing criticism from women's groups. Said Patty Mannhater, "You just know he was thinking about raping some poor woman as he turned that coin in his hands." Added, Whinyfred Uglee, "That coin would have been 63% smaller if they had given it to a woman."

Trump then tossed the coin into the air, possibly causing the death of an American Eagle according to completely reliable unconfirmed reports. It came down on the side depicting the human head, known as "heads." This called into question the validity of the toss. "The odds of Trump's first coin toss ending on heads are astronomical," said statistician Pade Whorr. "Seriously, how many sides are there? And it ended up on heads? No chance. This had to be faked. Someone paid a lot of money to make this happen. Dark money."

Others noted that the depictions were racist and anti-animal. On one side of the coin was a slave-owning white male named Thomas Jefferson, an indication that the maker of the coin is a white nationalist. "It was the most racist coin toss I've ever seen," said moderate progressive. "Racism at its worst," said another Democrat.

On the other side was the buttocks of an eagle, a display of feathers that triggered many people this reporter knows think of the Trail of Tears, an atrocity to which Trump's ancestors have been linked on Twitter. Animal right activists note as well that depicting an eagle on a coin could endanger the species survival. "Trump wants them to go extinct."

Others were less kind. "Why is Trump supporting a barbaric sport designed to create brain trauma? With football players being 60% African American, it's clear that Trump wants to harm African-American brains," said the fundraising arm of Black Lives Matter And Yours Don't B*tch.

Even members of his own party criticized Trump for his horrific actions. "He tossed that coin too hard. Someone could have been hurt," whinnied Mitt Romney. George Will added, "Hate is a natural emotion when dealing with this President." Speaking on condition of anonymity, another Republican added, "I will no longer vote Republican and I encourage all decent people to follow my example."

Twitter too was full of disdain:
"Like, OMG, Trump." - dumbsh*t67

"Moste. Pathertic. Coin. Tass. Evr." - teachersmart

"No, just no." - deepthinker

"His racism is so racist." - tosmart
Asked for comment, Trump responded with some lunatic crap we didn't think was worth repeating. It was probably a lie anyways.


tryanmax said...

This president is such an embarrassment. He’s just using feet-bowl to distract from the Mueller investigation that’s going to prove something any day now, just you wait!

Stacy said...

And to relax after such a full day of being horrible, the President watched "A Christmas Story" and "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" with his son, thereby teaching him that bullying is okay. Later in an intimate moment, the First Couple chose to snuggle up and sing along with their favorite version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" (sending a big middle finger to #MeToo) while admiring the lights on (oh, the horror!) the red Christmas trees.

AndrewPrice said...

tryanmax, Rumor has it he'll be impeached any day now too, now that he's been linked to treason.

AndrewPrice said...

Stacy, The man is a monster. How much more can we take?!!!

As an aside, that "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is the kind of aggressive whining that just really ticks me off. It's a great song. There is nothing wrong with it!

BevfromNYC said...

And then Trump had the unmitigated gall...yes GALL of refering to West Point and Anapolis feet-ball playing cadets and midshipmen as...get this...Heroes. This threw Bill Krystol into a downright tizzy!

Oh, and in other news, the principal of LaGuardia HS of the Performing Arts (you know, that school featured in "Fame") tried to ban Nazis and the Nazi-related props from their production of "THe Sound of Music" 'cause...well, you know.

jayservo8 said...

I'm just glad you posted something Anthony can get on board with.

Anonymous said...


AndrewPrice said...

Thanks GypsyTyger! :)

AndrewPrice said...

jayservo8, Anthony and I do seem to disagree a bit, don't we? LOL! It's all good. We have room for all opinions.

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, You're kidding?! No Nazis in the Sound of Music? What is the family fleeing from then? Mormons?

These people are truly going insane. Just foaming at the mouth nuts.

tryanmax said...

Soon, Trump will pay for the crimes that Dennis Hastert committed against Bill Clinton.

AndrewPrice said...

Ug... this article isn't as crazy as I thought. The leftists at Huffpo are upset about the coin toss.

Link to Idiocy

tryanmax said...

What is he supposed to have done wrong?

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