Thursday, June 19, 2014

Open Thread re: What Would You Do If Zombies Attacked? - UPDATED

I got nothing tonight. It may be that nothing is happening in the world {{cough, cough..Iraq, Iran, Syria, ISIS...cough, cough}}. Oh, I could expound on how the NY UFT just got a sweetheart deal from our Mayor that pays teachers retroactively from 2009. Or that Charlie Rangel is in a fight for his political life in a hotly contested primary next week. But what I've been thinking about, okay, obsessing about lately is something much more pressing and relevant. What if zombies attacked right now? Would I be prepared?

Well, fortunately, as you can see from the photo above, the New York City Fire Department is fully prepared. [Yes, that is an actual photo of an actual decal on an actual NYC fire truck.] So I am safe as long as I have a wet towel and my running shoes on. I learned this valuable life-saving maneuver from "Zombie" a documentary I saw at a drive-in*...phew! They may want to eat my brains, but if I just pop them with a wet towel, they fall down and I can run away! Preferably I would run to someplace where no one goes like Times Square! It has to be true because it was at a drive-in* documentary, right?

Anyway, what would you do if zombies attack? Are you prepared? Do you have enough towels?

As you may have guessed, this is an open, do your best open-threadage with your best open-threaditude.

P.S. Speaking of Iraq, Iran, Syrai, ISIS, and lots and lots of dead people, has anyone noticed how the U.N. has gone silent?

UPDATE: Show of hands - How many people believe that all of Lois Lerner's IRS emails were accidentally and coincidentally destroyed?

*For those of you too young to know what a "drive-in" was...well, too bad. Hah! You were just born too late!


Kit said...

Zombies? I thought that towel comment was a reference to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. One of the most important rules of hitchhiking across the galaxy is "always bring your towel".

LL said...

Is "Zombie" a code word for liberal?

Anthony said...

The jailed Marine's mom has hired the Mexican Johnny Cochran. Hopefully that will help.


FernandoBenitez has a 17-year proven defense track record with some high-profile cases, including representing Jorge Hank Rhon,former Tijuana mayor and current owner of the Xolos soccer team.

He was placed under house arrest for weapons charges in June of 2011.Weapons found at his home had been used in three murders, one of which was the 1988 assassination of journalist "El Gato" Felix.He had also been suspected of having his son's girlfriend murdered.
At the time of the raid on the Hank Rhon compound, Mexican Army troops found 40 rifles, 48 handguns, only 10 of which he had permits for, and 9,250 rounds of ammunition.

The judge ruled that because there was no warrant for the raid, all evidence was inadmissible and the charges were dropped.

Anonymous said...

If there's a zombie outbreak, I expect the government to act just like this, as seen in the Simpsons episode "Bart's Comet":

Kent Brockman: "With our utter annihilation imminent, our federal government has snapped into action. We go live now via satellite to the floor of the United States congress."

Speaker: "Then it is unanimous, we are going to approve the bill to evacuate the town of Springfield in the great state of --"

Congressman: "Wait a minute, I want to tack on a rider to that bill: $30 million of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts."

Speaker: "All in favor of the amended Springfield-slash-pervert bill?"

[everyone boos]

Speaker: "Bill defeated." [bangs gavel]

Kent Brockman: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work."


Kit said...

Did Obama think
That he could withdraw from Iraq
And it would never blowback?

My poetry submission for today. START SNAPPING!

Koshcat said...

The rules (according to Zombieland):

2.The Double Tap
3.Beware of Bathrooms
4.Wear Seat Belts
5.No Attachments
6.The “Skillet”
7.Travel Light
8.Get a Kick Ass Partner
9.With your Bare Hands
10.Don’t Swing Low
11.Use Your Foot
12.Bounty Paper Towels
13.Shake it Off
14.Always carry a change of underwear
15.Bowling Ball
16.Opportunity Knocks
17.Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
18.Limber Up
19.Break it Up
20.It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
21.Avoid Strip Clubs
22.When in doubt Know your way out
24.Use your thumbs
25.Shoot First
26.A little sun screen never hurt anybody
28.Double-Knot your Shoes
29.The Buddy System
30.Pack your stain stick
31.Check the back seat
32.Enjoy the little things
33.Swiss army Knife

T-Rav said...

Wet towels, huh? This is where intense gun control laws lead us, I suppose. Also, I don't see this being of much use against fast zombies.

BevfromNYC said...

Gaaaah, T-Rav, there is no such thing as "fast zombies"! They are the undead and everyone knows that the "undead" cannot move fast.

BevfromNYC said...

Koshcat - As I see, it's may take just a little bit more than a stack of wet towels and running shows to outsmart/outrun zombies. Of course, I should have remembered that ziplock bags always come in handy. But I still maintain that there are no "fast zombies".

BevfromNYC said...

Kit - Excellent Haiku! I am going to use that one. And the answer to your Haiku question is...No, he thought that he was/is smarter than 10K years of human history and he won a Nobel Peace Prize. And because he gave really great speeches where people clapped and cheered, so he took that as a sign that all of humanity was ready to down their arms. I guess he just miscalculated a bit...

BevfromNYC said...

Scott - That is why I LOVE Matt Stone and Trey Parker! They are brilliant at political satire. That scene is perfect and why I think I will stick to not depending on the Federal Government in my fight against zombies...or giant nuclearized spiders, lizards, gorillas etc.

Anonymous said...

Bev, that was from The Simpsons. I don't watch South Park. (Oddly enough, my parents do!)

In any case, I agree with you. :-)

BevfromNYC said...

Anthony - How long has that Marine been in Mexico? It's good that the family can get someone with that talented to represent him. It is kind of stupid that our entire State Department cannot negotiate the release of one US Marine held in Mexico for no apparent reason other than the Mexican government wants a payoff. I say we trade them for about 12million illegals who have crossed Mexico's borders.

BTW, did you hear the one about how the President of Mexico is claiming that the US has no legal authority according to US law to prosecute/jail/deport anyone crossing our borders illegally.

Anonymous said...

Expect this kid to be shipped off to Siberia in 5, 4, 3, 2... :-)

BevfromNYC said...

Scott - Oops..yeah, The Simpsons. They do pretty good satire too sometimes. ;-) But let that stand as a shameless plug for Trey Parker and Matt Stone and South Park!

AndrewPrice said...

Bev, If the movies are any judge, we should all head to the mall with very annoying people who are opposed to guns.

Somehow, that seems wrong though...

BevfromNYC said...

But Andrew, we don't HAVE any malls in NYC! But we do have lots and lots of annoying people who oppose guns!

Anthony said...


He's been there going on three months. His case reminds me of that of John Hammar (also an ex-soldier who was arrested in Mexico for illegal weapons he openly declared).

The ordeal for Jon Hammar Jr., who languished under deplorable conditions in a violent Mexican prison for four months, is finally over.

Jon Hammar Sr. has confirmed that his 27-year-old son, a Marine combat veteran, is back on U.S. soil and with him in a rented car in Brownsville, Texas.

BevfromNYC said...

Anthony, I wonder how much Hammar's father had to pay the Federales in exchange for his son?

Kit said...


I was attempting a Seussian style poem (hence the rhyme) not a haiku. But it was early and my mind was too tired.

Kit said...

But Here is a try.
See what you think!


There's a thing in the world!
The vets are all sick
Or Iraq has collapsed
Any fix must be quick!

There's a shout in the world,
"Call President O!
A thing must be done!
Or the problem will grow!"

So he makes a big speech,
But its really a stall.
And so Obama stands
and does nothing at all

Critch said...

Fall back behind defensive postions, walls, fences, rivers etc...use barbed wire, tank traps, and abattis to keep them away. A large supply of halberd type weapons should be kept near the fence. The are great for head thrusts and the blade design keeps the zombie away from you. A large supply of .22 LR should be kept, if the firearms are silenced all the better. Always use headshots. Foraging outside the defense should only be done by alert and trained teams.

BevfromNYC said...

LL - Now that you think about it, "zombies" could be a synonym for "liberals"...;-)

BevfromNYC said...

Critch - are you referring to a military strategy or the World Cup games?

BevfromNYC said...

Kit - You are now elected to be our unofficial**, official CommentaramaPolitics Poet Laureate! It comes with an invisible t-shirt and poison pen or quill (you choose).

**pending approval by The Management

Kit said...

Another one:

The undead have all rose!
On the living they feast,
Though their shamble is slow
They can make us deceased!

Kit said...


Thanks.Do you mean a poison pen or un-poisoned quill or are they both poisoned?

Tennessee Jed said...

question: who said "I am not a crook? Was it a) B. Hussein Obama b) Wendell Wilkie C) Ulysses S. Grant D) Spiro Agnew E) Richard Milhaus Nixon F) Tom Brokow G) The Prince of Wales.

Better Question: who should have said it.

tryanmax said...

I sorta plan on being one of the zombies. And being fast. Bev, you're first!

BevfromNYC said...

I would venture a guess that Tom Brokow is probably the only one on the list who neither is nor said he was a crook.

BevfromNYC said...

Tryanmax - I never actually considered the "I will be a zombie" angle, but that could work! And since I already know the "wet towel" maneuver, I can outsmart the non-zombies. I am not must into organ meats, but I could learn.........brrraaainzzzzzzz.

Critch said...

I try to be ready for anything, I'm still working on the possible Hillary in the WH disaster...all is lost if that happens...

AndrewPrice said...

Critch, If Hillary wins the White House, you need to inject yourself with Imbecillin as quickly as possible.

BevfromNYC said...

Imbecillan...LOL! I like that . Do you think DC is secretly adding that to our water supply in NY? Or maybe that's why the big push to drink water instead of soda...

Critch said...

I try my best to hang around people who run slower than me..

Anthony said...

I'm not much of a runner so in the event of a zombie attack I'll have to remember to save the last bullet for myself.

Anthony said...

The kidnapping of the schoolgirls is last week's new, but aside from a lucky few that escaped, most are still being held. Doesn't sound like the government of Nigeria feels much of a sense of urgency.

Also, even more Christian girls have been kidnapped by Muslim terrorists in Egypt over the past few years (over 500), though its happened in dribs and drabs.


"We are ... pained that the schoolgirls remain in captivity," Sabo said in a statement. "The hostage situation that this represents is obviously delicate."

The Chibok kidnapping and other increasingly bloody attacks by Boko Haram have underscored Abuja's inability to stamp out the militant group, which aims to carve out a radical Islamist state in the mostly Muslim north.

In what could raise the ire of Jonathan's critics, Sabo recommended the findings of the fact-finding group appointed by the president remain confidential for national security reasons.

Sabo also seemed to try to deflect expected criticism from the government.

"For the Chibok schoolgirls, little will be achieved through finger-pointing," he said in his statement.

Amira is one of approximately 550 Coptic Christian girls and women who have disappeared in Egypt over the last three years, according to a report from the Egyptian Association of Victims of Abduction and Enforced Disappearances.

Ebnar Louis, the Cairo activist who founded the association in 2010, said police are typically indifferent to reports of missing girls.

Koshcat said...

Clearly I see the missing emails no different as the missing 18 minutes. It is obstruction of justice.

ZombieKilla1 said...

Well.....Since most zombie depictions show them with little to no fine motor skillz, I for one, would immediately go to my local National Guard or Reserve location, grab the first Stryker, MRAP, M1A1 or similar hardened motorized unit and start driving right through the middle of them. Search out and destroy them wherever they are.

As others have stated, get thee to a watercraft as soon as possible and float offshore until the menace passes. I've never seen 'swimming' zombies, have you?

What I would not do is trust the "guvmint" to protect me. Heck, they're probably in the pay of "Big Zombie" anyway, and would offer you up as a main course. And of course, "Comprehensive Zombie Reform" that would allow zombies to vote and receive free blood from hardworking real (live) Americans would be passed by the House and Senate in a heartbeat (if they had one).

The US Chamber of Commerce would want "Zombie Amnesty" because they are cheap, abundant and work for minimum wages doing the jobs (live) Americans won't.

OTOH.....I love that the IRS Commissioner just basically flipped off the House and said..."Yeah, we destroyed the emails. Whaddya gonna do about it? Hold me in contempt? I hold you Republicans in contempt. Who's gonna do something about it? You...Boner? You...Cantor? I fart in your general direction!"

I expect a strongly worded resolution to pass the House IMMEDIATELY! This will not stand!

Critch said...

I saw where a congress-critter has filed a bill to allow American citizens to use the same excuses as the IRS is using now...

Kit said...

Do I believe the IRS commissioner's claims that all of Lois Lerner's emails were somehowcompletely erased by accident?

The "completely" part? I believe he could be telling the truth.
The "accidentally" part? Not so sure.

Koshcat said...

I think Paul Ryan had the best line: "I don't believe you."

Kit said...


That moment was pure awesome.

Post a Comment