Here are the three solutions offered by “science”... as if we can trust them:
● Brainworms. Yes, brainworms. Who knew there was such a thing? Apparently, these little suckers creep into meese brains and make them want to keell Admeeral Kirk. Sad.
● Blood sucking ticks. Yikes. Pictured below, these are 8 feet long and can drain a moose dry in under four seconds.
● Global warming. Of course. Our go-to boogeyman. Apparently, global warming makes meese less frisky so they won’t do the nasty... like Pandas. With the shutdown over, the Dept. of the Interior is now going ahead and playing moose porn videos in each of the major forests to try to get them into the mood.
Personally, I think the problem is that the meese, like everyone else, are moving to Florida and other warm states. Or it could be Asian hunters. Aside from being a good source of Moosium 3, I hear that moose testicles are a great chaser for tiger penis, shark fin and ground wombat.
As an aside, some of this was true and that means all of it is true... at least according to Hollywood and most liberals. Besides, I intended well when I lied to you, so it's all good. :D
23 comments:
All true... mostly... some of it. Probably.
I think this might be the weirdest post I've seen since moving to the land of Commentarama...
Kit, It's that kind of night. Everybody needs a little weird now and then. What in particular bothered you about the post? I assure you, it's all mostly true.
Nothing. It just felt... random.
Moose.
I try to keep you all informed on a wide variety of topics and the comings and goings of Meese are a hot topic with the illegal immigration bill coming up. Meese do not respect national boundaries.
What about the llamas?
We don't want llamas sneaking across the border either. Do you know how close "llamas" are to "Hamas"? It's no coincidence.
Maryland's Attorney General (who is running for Governor) came across a bunch of drunk, scantily clad teenagers grinding on each other at a party his son was attending and did what any responsible adult would, he whipped out his cell phone and started taking pictures to 'enjoy' later.
He later claimed that he never considered the possibility that the liquid in the red cups everybody was holding as they staggered around was alcohol.
http://twitchy.com/2013/10/24/creepy-douchebag-md-ag-busted-for-hanging-out-at-party-with-underage-drinkers-pic/
Andrew.....Another silent Canadian (eh) plot to rid the USA of all our precious bodily fluids.....and moose. And BTW, we had a Meese as an AG, who had to resign. So, maybe all his relatives "resigned" as well from the lower 48 and retired to the Northwoods...eh?
"Llamas close to Hamas...?!" Love it!! Maybe the Llamas (lama glama) will carve out their own area of the Andes and start lobbing missiles into Peru.....
Anthony, Politicians do the stupidest things. He'll probably get away with it.
Patriot, That could be. All I know is that I wouldn't llamas.
I definitely see this as yet another Canadian plot to take over the US... without a doubt!
Andrew - Have you been "going to Denver" too much lately? LOL! So now I have to worry about brain worms and giant 8ft ticks?
And as for pandas, I know they are cute and all, but really if a species is not smart enough or just too lazy to breed on their own (and they aren't edible) do we really have to save them?
Bev, Nope... perfectly normal.
Yep, brain worms and ticks, that's why you want to live in the city rather than the country.
On pandas, I don't get how a species can be so resistant to breeding. And yeah, if they don't want to be here and if they don't taste good, then we don't really need them, do we?
Maybe none of these problems are related to why they are going extinct. See, maybe like pandas, meese have just come to the end of their evolutionary road. They are a beautiful and majestic animal, but isn't this the nature of...well...nature? There's just not enough room for meese AND giant 8ft ticks. The brain worms will die out soon for lack of a food source especially if makes it's way to the greater DC area.
Bev, Believe it or not, the brainworms are real. Blech, right? And yeah, they would totally starve in DC.
And you could be right. It could be that the meese have simply reached the end of the road? On the other hand, the story I read about this didn't examine whether or not meese numbers were falling everywhere or just here. It's possible they were just headed north where it's colder... or where there are fewer hunters.
Damn nature ...... you scary...! That thing come in my backyard I kill it !!
Not the mooses...not the mooses...
Critch, Yep. Sad day for the world.
Please save us, eh! There's a case of Molson. real maple syrup, and season tickets to Toronto Maple Leaf hockey in it for you, eh!
@ One Moose... I am ROTFLOL
And my husband was a Molson's man :D
darski, When I was in college in upstate New York, I knew some hockey players who got busted trying to sneak 100 cases of Molson across the border into the US. LOL!
I'm pretty sure it's the shutdown that the Republicans caused that is making the moose population dwindle. But we know the numbers are definitely down because, according the the Moose Counters Local 204, "The meese are not in the areas where we are counting them. It stands to reason they aren't anywhere else, either."
Hmm. Perhaps we have a different problem than we first thought?
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